Arian scrunched up his little nose. "Daddy said you haven't come home because you're busy with work. Was he lying to me?"
"No!" I answered quickly. "I really have been too busy with work. That's why I haven't visited." I stroked his hair. "I'm sorry, Arian. I shouldn't have left you alone that day."
"It's okay. I know your work is important. Just like when Daddy's working, I'm not supposed to bother him either."
The more well-behaved he acted, the more my heart ached.
How was I supposed to tell this child that I'd only come to see him one last time?
That after this, I would leave this city and never return?
Arian tugged at my sleeve, perhaps sensing my unease. He asked hopefully, "When are you coming home? I want to play with you, like other kids do, sleep next to you, and listen to bedtime stories!"
I couldn't take it anymore. Tears streamed down my face. Arian panicked and quickly wiped my eyes with his small hands. "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, Arian." I bit down hard, and every word I spoke was drawing blood. "I can't do that anymore… because I might have to go somewhere very far away…"
Arian looked at me blankly. "How far? Farther than heaven?"
"Not that far, but still very, very far," I said softly. "You can call me on the phone, but I'm afraid it'll be a long, long time before I can come back."
"No!" Arian's eyes reddened, and he started crying with me. "Please don't go! Don't leave us behind?—"
"I'm sorry, my baby. I'm so sorry."
I held him tight, but I knew that dragging this out would only weaken my resolve to leave.
So I bit my lip, steeled my heart, and set him back down on the ground. "Arian, remember this. No matter where I am, I will always love you. From now on, be good and listen to your daddy. If he ever treats you badly, call me. I'll come get you no matter what?—"
"Then take me with you now!" Arian sobbed. "I don't want to be apart from you!"
Hearing those words, I almost agreed. But I couldn't. He was so young. Coming with me while hunters were on my trail would only put him in danger.
So I shook my head silently, hardened my heart, and walked away from him.
Arian cried and called after me, but others held him back. I rushed out of the house and nearly ran into Elias at the door.
"I'll walk you out." Elias glanced toward the sound of crying but asked nothing.
My heart shattered in two. I was in no state to maintain distance from him. I just nodded silently and walked beside him. This short walk to the car became the most peaceful moment we'd shared since our reunion.
"Where will you go after this?" Elias asked quietly.
"I don't know. As far away as possible." I looked at the trees lining the road. As Elias and I walked forward, they kept falling behind us, just like all those days we could never get back.
Elias didn't press for a destination. We walked along the empty, quiet road a while longer. "Don't worry about Arian. I'll take good care of him from now on."
"You'd better." I bit my lip. "I can't be with him, so he needs more attention. Stop avoiding him."
Elias gazed at me. Hearing my words, he opened his mouth. For a moment, I thought he was going to say something, maybe an apology, maybe a plea for me to stay? But in the end, he just nodded.
There was nothing left for us to say.
Two warriors stood in front of a car. They would take me to the train station. Elias took a step toward the vehicle but stopped under my gaze. He couldn't bring himself to get in.
"Take care of yourself." Through the car window, he forced out an ugly smile.
I sniffled and turned away, refusing to look at him anymore.
