His smile proved he knew exactly what I meant.
Chapter 2
J.D.'swords had me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. It was stupid, but knowing what he wanted to say? That he was in love with me? It made sitting right here on the sidelines feel like it had been the right decision. Usually, it just made me feel guilty.
I should've been completely focused on Cody. If I'd done that, none of this mess would've happened. Then again, I wouldn't have ended up with her. She'd probably still be with Ty, still thinking she was supposed to be some man's accessory, and still fighting to make a name for herself.
Instead, she'd come so far. Somewhere between Tulsa and here in North Carolina, she'd cowgirled up hard enough her competition couldn't ignore it. Some of them hated her for it, wanting to chase her off so they wouldn't have to admit they'd been beaten by a girl. But most of these guys?
They believed in her.
That wasn't the same as approving, liking, or wanting her around. For most of them, I got the impression they didn't really think of her at all. Right now, the big problem was those three guys down there in the dirt, milling around like they didn't know their heads from their asses.
If I was honest, I was glad J.D. wasn't riding. Cody was in one piece. She also had some of the best arena awareness I'd seen in a long time. Sure, that might be because she was small enough that getting run over by a bull would break her a bit more than most. But J.D.? He was already broken, and thinking about him trying to skip away from a bull bearing down on him made my balls suck up in a bad way.
Yeah, I loved him. I loved her. I loved this fucked up thing we were doing, and if something had to give, then me working in the PBR was the best of the choices we had. Shit, turning the bulls didn't exactly pay well. I made just enough to keep me coming back. I certainly wasn't getting rich, and while I may have made a name for myself, one day I'd be old enough that I'd have to start all over.
And I didn't really have anything else - or hadn't.
Now, I had the man of my dreams and a woman who was too good to be true. I had the chance to actually think about who I wanted to become, but my eyes kept going right back to the dirt down there. This time, it was just as another bull exploded out of the chute. And yet, it wasn't the animal I was watching. It was the men who should be handling it.
The guy in blue, Peter McClain, had worked with my partners Isaac and Jorge once, right before I'd been hired. That had been years ago, and as far as I could see, he'd forgotten every single thing they'd taught him. Those three men weren't keeping the bull in the center of their triangle. They weren't pressing in as the rider wobbled, preventing the bull from traveling. They weren't doing a damned thing but watching shit go sideways.
Behind us, the fans began to cheer as the clock sped toward eight seconds. Beside me, J.D. was holding the rail just a little too tight. I noticed all of it, but my eyes were jumping between Peter in blue, Stephen in white, and Charlie in green. Those men looked like they were waiting for some sign, but no onewas going to give it. They had tofeelthe bucks. They needed tounderstandthe animals.
They didn't.
So when the buzzer went off and the rider released his rope, they weren't ready. The new rookie - I was pretty sure his name was Sonny - got tossed into the air, and still the bullfighters waited. It was only after he hit the ground beside Stephen that anyone moved. Unfortunately, it was the bull.
Like all cornered animals, the bull wanted to protect itself first. Turning to spot the annoyance it had just thrown off, the animal's instincts told it to crush the pathetic little human. Right about now, Peter should've been moving into the animal's line of sight, but a bum knee made him slow. Charlie tried to compensate, but that had the bull swinging his head past the downed rider, and the man's movements begged the bull to charge.
With a groan, I watched as the latest wreck played out. The worst part was the groan that spilled from the crowd in unison. They all knew it hurt, but the viewers loved when things went wrong. To them, this was nothing more than entertainment. Granted, I had a feeling none of them realized how dangerous this really was.
"Shit," I breathed, scrubbing at my face the moment Sonny was up on the wall, safe. "This is a fucking mess."
J.D. reached over to rub my shoulder. "Nothing you can do about it, Tanner."
"I know."
I did. Well, I should've, but the real problem was howIcould've handled this better. All it took was one person to control a bull. Three was supposed to be overkill! Instead, these guys might as well have been standing around with their thumbs up their asses for all the good they were doing.
Every bullfighter started at the local rodeos. When we got tired of getting hit in stupid little barrels, we started going to training. Those lessons led us to the competitions where we were judged on how many times we could touch, turn, and jump over a raging bull. And while the bull riders might brag about their fancy belt buckles, I had a whole collection of trophies from the crazy shit I'd done in those bullfighting competitions.
I was good, and I knew it. Hell, most people knew it, even the fans. Jorge and Isaac had said picking me was easy. It had been a no-brainer for them. Now that I was watching the guys who'd competed against me for my spot? Yeah, I could see what they meant.
"This is gonna be a real long night," J.D. grumbled, glancing over at the scoreboard.
I looked, shocked to see we were only on twenty-third place. Cody was at thirteen. Usually, ten rides went fast, but not lately. Ever since I'd been sidelined and my partners had refused to work without me, the PBR events had become a clown-show of loose cattle, Doc and his staff carrying men off the dirt in stretchers, and a whole assortment of wounded men climbing onto unruly animals.
"Scores are shit too," I pointed out.
"Yep," J.D. said. "I mean, kinda works out, though."
"Huh?" What was he thinking this time?
J.D. just chuckled. "Well, they keep scoring Cody so damned bad, but they can only go so low. If everyone's riding like shit, then her scores won't scare off her sponsors like they're hoping."
Oddly, that made me feel better. "So they're fucking themselves in their attempt to chase her off?"
