"Nope," I said, crossing my arms and making it clear I wasn't moving.
Jake gestured to Kaleb. "Let's go over here for a second. I think Cody can take Jaxon out if he shoves his foot up his ass again. I'll fill you in."
Which made Jaxon drop his head to his chest. "Fuck." And he sighed again. "Look, I'm an asshole, ok? I also have never met anyone gay, J.D. I just..." He scrubbed at his face. "I don't know shit about it, ok? And I always heard it's like... I dunno, like prison rape and shit!"
"Nope," J.D. said.
"But Ty said something." He paused as the sound of music drifted into the warm-up area, making it clear the opening ceremony was starting up. Then he shook his head as if brushing that off and kept going. "He said it's no different from anal, you know? I mean, like with a girl."
"'Cept for the dick." And J.D. made that sound more belligerent than I thought possible.
Which made Jaxon shift awkwardly. "Right. But saying it's gross isn't the same as trying to beat the shit out of you!"
"Hurts just as bad," I pointed out.
For a moment, the kid bit his lips together and rocked his head in something almost like a yes. After just a bit too long, he looked up at J.D. "I'm sorry. I'm also not going to lie and say it's all cool and shit, but you are. A cool guy, I mean. And you helped me out when you didn't have to, and you've never done shit to me, or been weird, and I know I'm saying too much, but I'm trying to make you understand."
"Which part?" I asked, because J.D. was watching him with a hard, stone-cold look on his face. The kind that made me think he'd just shut everything down so he didn't end up showing the pain he was feeling.
"My church says it's a sin," Jaxon tried to explain. "My parents called it gross. My friends always said it was sick. People I know said it's a mental illness - "
"So is your damned ADHD," J.D. countered. "But I don't hate you because of it."
"And I don't hate you!" Jaxon insisted. "J.D., that's what I'm trying to say. Look, Cody ripped me a new one last night, and Ty tuned my ass in. I... I thought some shit that's wrong. Kaleb told me some stuff, and I didn't know that. Like, you're born with it? I… I thought it was some sick choice." And he stopped hard, wincing. "Fuck. That's not what I meant. Like... I thought it was some attention-seeking shit. Like, rebellion, or that kinda thing, you know?"
"It's not," J.D. said. "It also ain't wrong."
"Yeah," Jaxon said. "Most of all, I didn'tmeanto hurt you. Fuck, I just reacted, and I did it like a dumbass, ok? I shoulda given you the benefit of the doubt and asked first, but..."
"But we don't do that in the PBR," I said.
Which made J.D. grunt and hang his own head. "Fuck. Naw, that's a good point. Hit first, right? It's what I taught both of y'all."
"Kinda, yeah," Jaxon admitted. "But that's the thing. I was being all defensive, and it was shit of me. Is there any way I can make it up to you?"
J.D. glanced over at me, then back to Jaxon. "Actually, yeah."
"Anything," Jaxon assured him.
"Well," J.D. said. "Seems Tanner and I just started shit, and we're both about to make sure we finish it. I don't want that to come back on Cody, so maybe you and Kaleb can hang with her?Keep her off the catwalk, and away from the chutes until it's her time to ride?"
"And who's watching you?" I asked.
He jerked his chin over to the side, where Jake was still talking to Kaleb. "Jake and Ty. He can pull for me, babe. You can pull for him, because I sure as shit can't today. You good with that, rookie?"
"I am," I decided.
"You good with that, bro?" J.D. asked Jaxon.
And the way the kid's face lit up at that one little term of friendship? It was honestly impressive. It also made me realize he wasn't lying to get his ass out of shit. He meant everything he'd just said today. And maybe he didn't know anything about bisexuality, or being gay, or anything else, but he was acting like he was willing to have his mind changed. And that made me forgive him too.
"I got you, man," Jaxon promised. "I'm still sorry, though. Real sorry, J.D. I just didn't realize my words would hurt you like that. I..." He glanced away. "I didn't know we were that close of friends."
"Means I'm sorry too," J.D. told him. "I was too worried about being strong to realize I was pushing people away. Forgive and forget?" He held out his hand in a clear offer.
Jaxon took it, then stepped in to thump against J.D. back in one of those manly hugs. "Yeah, man. Make us proud out there."
"That's the plan," J.D. agreed.
