"And we men aren't used to admitting we feel it," he reminded me. "Remember, we're supposed to get pissed and horny. Nothing else."
"But do you?" I lifted my chin again, ready for the worst answer.
Instead, he smiled, revealing those adorable little dimples he had. "Cody, in the last couple of weeks, I've had to come face-to-face with a lot of feelings. Yeah, anger and horny were in there, but so was surprise, fear, and quite a bit more."
"Oh."
He nodded. "So, you still want to kick Jaxon's ass? More than that, you said you wanted to talk to me. Is this where I get my ass chewed?"
"Oh." Because I'd almost forgotten about that.
No, the truth was it was easier to want to talk when that meant later. But having it be now? After this whole shit-show of a day? Yeah, I had so much to talk about, but Wednesday night was still hanging between us, and I wasn't the sort of woman to pretend like nothing had happened.
"I was drunk..." I said, trying to figure out where to start.
He chuckled once. "Pretty sure I noticed that part. Kinda why I kept my hands to myself."
Yep, I was screwing this up so bad. J.D. said he was proud of me for chasing what I wanted, but it wasn't easy. Tanner told me Jake was a good guy, and had made it more than clear I should go there if I wanted.
But did I want? Could I want that? More importantly,shouldI?
But even thinking about what to say had my mind spinning itself in circles. I couldn't figure out what came next, how to fix this, and what Jake expected of me. My face was in the process of heating up. I was too aware of everyone around us, and the anger at Jaxon had this vibration running through my body that made me want to move, or go.
No, to run away.
"I can't do this now," I said hurriedly and turned for the door.
I could feel everyone watching me as I passed. I was sure they were talking about my boyfriends. Maybe they knew I was in the middle of that, or maybe they didn't. Likely, they didn't care. They'd still say the worst shit they could think of, because that was what people always did.
As my feet moved, propelling me outside, I felt like that same girl from Spring Creek, Missouri. The one they'd all laughed at. The girl who'd only gotten a date because it was meant to get me to stop riding. Well, I was stronger than that.
I was also happy with my guys. I was! So why was this selfish thing playing in my mind, and shouldn't I just ignore it?
When I pushed through the door and marched into the parking lot for a breath of cool air, the door didn't close right away. Instead, it bounced, hitting something and swinging back open. I was halfway across the asphalt when Jake realized I wasn't stopping.
"Cody!" he snapped.
So I spun. "I'm a mess, ok? I'm only cool because J.D. makes it easy when I'm beside him. I'm only brave because Tanner makes me feel like the toughest person he knows. I had all these things I thought I should say, but now that it's time, I..." And I flopped my hands, making the point.
He slowly closed the distance between us. "Ok. I get that. I mean, I'm pretty good at talking it out, but that doesn't mean it's always easy."
"Yeah?" I asked.
He nodded. "And this? Fuck, the PBR is a little too close sometimes. Everyone knows everyone else's business." Finally, he reached my side. "So let's see if the tailgate of my truck makes it easier."
"Sure," I decided, giving in.
He turned me toward the same dark blue truck he'd given me a ride in that night, the pair of us aiming for the back side of it. When we got there, he popped open the tailgate, then gestured for me to hop up. I did, then scooted to the side so he could join me.
"I'll start," he offered, glancing over. "Wednesday night, I was thrilled to hang out with someone I respect as a rider. Ever since J.D. told me what's going on with you three, I've done my best to ignore that you're a very pretty girl, Cody. It's not easy, but you're also a little intimidating. Fun, good, and a bunch of things that make you fun to be around, but nothing like what I expected."
"What did you expect?" I asked.
"For you to be tough as nails. I don't mean that you aren't, but more manly than you are. For you to have this ego about how you're as mean as us, can piss, fart, or whatever. You know, basically all the stereotypes that aren't fair, simply because you're brave enough to compete in a man's sport."
"Oh." I nodded, accepting that.
"But instead," he went on, "you're girly in some ways, brilliant, and beautiful. Ty told me you'd get under my skin - "
