"Yeah, Merrill seems the type," I agreed. "But what I don't get is why Jake was ok with that."
"Because boys want approval from our dads," Tanner said. "I fucked that up so bad, but it worked out. Mine might be disgusted with me, but yours? Having a man like Dean Jennings act like I'm not a fuckup is that little reassurance I need."
"For what?" I pressed. "What is he reassuring, Tanner? I mean, you're basically perfect, so how can he... I dunno, make you see that? Or prove it? Or whatever it is you're saying?"
"Women get slut-shamed," Tanner explained. "You're pressured to be pretty and pure. Men get shamed for not being tough enough, or brave enough, or competent enough, rich enough... Yeah, pretty much just not enough. We're pushed to become 'real men,' but that isn't really a set of qualities that are ever laid out."
"Be strong, but not cruel," I said, nodding to show I understood. "Be brave, but not stupid. Fuck, but no kids with sluts. Yeah, I can see that."
"And all the shit I got from my father?" Tanner huffed out a dry laugh. "Yeah, Jake is getting it ten times worse. Then, just to add a little salt in his wounds, he'll never be able to meet his father's standards. He can't make the man proud because Jake is a reminder of his father's fuckups."
"No different than me thinking my daddy wanted a son, or that he hated me riding bulls," I realized. "He didn't - either one! - but I was trying so hard to be this thing, and I couldn't quite figure out that he was already proud of me."
"Now take away the pride," Tanner said. "That's what most of the men here are trying to work out."
"The fight," I said, watching him work on his boots. "We take it out on the bulls because it's safe. It's acceptable, but we need to fight something because this thing is screaming in the back of our minds, challenging us to win, and we can't figure out what it is."
"Yeah," Tanner agreed as he reached over for his coat. "Ok. Do I need to try again, or is this ok?"
I took a sip of my drink and looked him over. I didn't glance, and I didn't immediately tell him it was good. Nope, I actually inspected him, knowing how I'd feel if the situation was reversed. Tanner wanted to make J.D. drool, and this was his way of asking me to help him get it right.
But damn. He looked so fucking good. The paler colors made his hair look a little brighter and his eyes stood out because of it. The lavender was definitely working for him, but when I asked him to turn again? Yeah, those jeans were making me have some very dirty thoughts.
"There's one more thing you need," I told him as I screwed the top back on my bottle of soda. "Tanner, do not be a good boy tonight. Don't avoid letting anyone see you and him being happy. This? This is your chance to be proud of being J.D.'s boyfriend. Be romantic, because combined with that look?" I fanned at my face playfully. "You are going to make our man go a little crazy, I think."
"Yeah?" he asked.
So I slid off the edge of the bed and moved before him. "You look amazing, Tanner." Then I stretched up to kiss him. "And the suit is definitely working for you. Just promise me I'll get to take it off you at some point?"
"Yeah," he said, cupping my face. "That's exactly what I needed. And you can remove it next."
Chapter 46
J.D. was dressed almostthe same as Tanner. His suit was black, though. Yes, they were both wearing jeans, but to me, it counted. There was a moment as they both looked each other over when they completely forgot I was in the room, but I didn't mind. Hell, the truth was, it made it easier for me to do my own gawking.
Because wow. Both of these men were fit enough to make those tight jeanswork. They also had their hats, and that gave them just enough of a "bad boy" look to be incredibly sexy. Tanner was definitely the softer man, but J.D. was not trying to hide his appreciation, and that was hot in its own way.
But when they left, they both stopped to kiss me and make sure I still had something to do. Hell, I had to almost chase them out so they wouldn't miss their reservation! And while they didn't hold hands, I had a feeling they would before the night was done.
And that felt good.
I couldn't even explain why, but it did. I was just happy for them - both of them! And sure, maybe it wasn't me making them happy, but something about that part was nice too. It felt almost liberating to know I could still be a part of this without needing to beresponsiblefor it all the time.
Maybe that was some holdover from the guys back home? Maybe it was too much "girls should..." stuff. I didn't know, but this thing we were doing, and the freedom that came with it? It made me feel a little more like the bull rider I wanted to be, as if I really was expected to act exactly like the boys - but without any of the worries about how they'd get sick of my shit and bail.
But once I was sure they weren't coming back, I sent Jake a text, asking what time he was headed out. He replied within seconds, asking for my room number. I wasn't sure why he wanted that, but I gave it to him. It wasn't something I was trying to hide, after all.
So when the thump sounded at my door, I wasn't really surprised. When I opened it to find Jake looking cleaned up and casual on the other side? Ok, I had to do a double-take. Jake in his riding gear was nice. But this?
His jeans were dark indigo. His shirt was a deep maroon tee that fitrealgood. His boots and hat were grey, and belatedly I realized his belt matched. It looked like alligator or ostrich. I couldn't get a good enough look to tell what type of leather it was, but the sort that had a definite pattern to it.
"So," Jake said, stepping back, "can I give you a ride?"
"Like a gentleman?" I teased, making it clear I could see what he was doing.
"Cody," he chided as I grabbed my keycard and stepped into the hall, "I don't know how to break this to you. You might be a damned good bull rider, and you are definitely our equal in the PBR, but you are still a woman, and my mother raised me right."
"Uh-huh..." I flashed him a smirk. "So you walk all your friends to the truck?"
