Jake waved that off. "No, leave me out of it."
"No," I pressed. "Look, Renato's about to have a baby. For all I know, he could miss this event. If he does come, he'll fly in Thursday and out Monday morning. J.D. said he's coming out. That means he's going to have his own shit to worry about, and Cody will give him her full attention. Djalu might step up, but he doesn't seem the sort. He's too chill to really rally anyone behind this. That leaves me and you, and there's no fucking way I can keep this shit going on my own."
"What about Dado?" Jake tried. "Maybe Gustavo? The Brazilians know you, and they listen to you, so we can use that, right?"
I sighed hard. "And who's going to speak for the Americans? Kaleb? Wes? No, Jake. You're the top-ranking American right now. Cody should be, but she got fucked, so stop hiding behind the rest of us and help me a bit."
"Ty, I can't."
"Why the fuck not?!" I demanded. "The entire fucking PBR is falling apart around us, and you're what, scared of the microphones or something?"
"No, it's just a bad idea," he insisted.
"All of this is a bad fucking idea!" I roared. "And you're here pushing me. You're the one who started all of this, so fucking help me already!"
Jake slammed his beer bottle down on the table. "I. Can't."
There was so much finality in his words that my next round of bitching died on my tongue. "What?" I breathed. "Why?"
For a little too long, he sat there, watching the foam in his bottle creep toward the top and finally dissipate before it overflowed. When the risk to his beer abated, he let out a weary sigh and finally looked up.
"Do you remember how I mentioned my father was a bull rider who knocked up my mom when he was passing through?"
"Yeah?" What the fuck did that have to do with anything?
"I got into this sport because of her stories. Because she made cowboys sound so impressive. I thought I'd get into the PBR, have my name on the big screen, televised across the country, and maybe he'd see it. I mean, that was my dream as a kid."
Why the fuck were we taking a trip down memory lane? "And?"
"And I was riding in Touring Pro when I heard his name the first time. I mean, from someone besides my mom. Great, Ithought. I knew who and where he was, and I'd become the best fucking rider of my generation, right? I'd show him I was his son. And I held onto that dream, chasing my points right up until I made it into the PBR and got to shake his hand."
I didn't say anything this time. I just kept watching him, convinced Jake had a reason for spelling this out like he was.
"And when I asked if he remembered my mom? He said no. I told him I thought I was his kid, and he said that was a sick joke. Yeah, he told me to fuck off, Ty. Took me a bit to realize it's because he's married - was when he fucked my mom too. He alsoreallydoesn't want his wife to know about me. Shitty, right? Well, the worst part is that I'd made it here. I was the real deal, and I'd just found out that the fucking president of the PBR would rather his dirty little secret didn't exist. Yeah, me."
Oh.
Shit.
"Donald Merrill's your dad?" I asked, needing to hear him confirm it.
Jake nodded slowly. "Yeah. So like I said, I can't help. If I push, he'll push back just to make it clear he doesn't give a shit about me. He'll fuck usallover if it'll make me go away."
"So push right the fuck back!" I snapped.
"I am."
"You're being a fucking pussy, hiding behind everyone else, refusing to get the damned credit you deserve, and all because you're worried your old man might get his feelings hurt!" I lifted my beer and took a long swallow, trying to drown the anger growing inside me. Sadly, it didn't help. "Jake, is this why you've stayed out of the spotlight? Consistently placing in the top ten, often the top five, and you're still not bragging it up? Fuck, your vest isn't half as packed as Austin's!"
"Well, his isn't as packed anymore," Jake countered.
"You know what I fucking mean!"
But instead of answering, he just said, "The sound guy's my brother."
"Shit," I breathed.
"And Merrill's wife? She's the one with the money," he went on. "If she knew about me, Donald would be a single man. That means heneedsme to stay a secret, so if I start pushing, he'll go nuclear just to save his own ass."
