"Actually," I admitted, "he does have a lisp, but his pants aren't tight. That went out of style in gay circles long ago. I also didn't hire him. My Chief Operating Officer did." Then I opened the first box.
"Ok," Bev said, moving to the center of the room. "Now, I have invited Ash and Violet here. Most of us know Emily, right?"
"Yeah, from church," another woman said, but I didn't see who.
Violet smiled at her, giving me a hint. "Hi, Maisie."
Maisie's smile grew a little more at the acknowledgement. "Hey. And so you know, Jodi's just here to tell all of her friends the gossip."
"I heard there's a prayer group," Violet said. "April has people praying for my boyfriends." She turned to Jodi. "Any special reason?"
"Boyfriends?" Jodi asked with disbelief. "Please."
Bev just sighed. "Jodi, shut it or go home. I invited Violet. Just like I helped support you when you were selling Avon."
"Yeah, but I was trying to pay my bills, not make millions off poor, broke people."
"Jealous much?" Maisie asked. "Jesus, Jodi. You've been after Violet since she moved here as a kid. Do you really have nothing better to do with your life than prove how pathetic you are? Violet grew up and became famous, and you? What did you do again? Right, slept with a married man. Talk about a claim to fame."
"Enough!" Bev barked. "Ladies!"
"Wow," Cessily breathed. "I thought we attorneys were bad."
"Is that what you do, dear?" Bev asked.
Cessily nodded. "It is. I'm up at Southwind right now, helping to set everything up, but I usually work in California."
Bev seemed almost thankful for the change in subject while Violet and I worked to get the inventory out of the boxes. "Doing what?"
"A lot of Silicon Valley stuff," Cess admitted. "Contracts, non-disclosure agreements, and other corporate stuff. I do a little family law on the side, with a bit of social justice work where I can."
"So you're an ambulance chaser?" Jodi asked.
Cessily smiled at her. "Oh no, honey. I'm more like the bitch who sues the drug companies for making you addicted to opiates. I also took a case to the Supreme Court about marriage equality."
"That was you?" Emily asked.
"One of them," Cessily assured her. "There were a lot of cases presented over the last few years."
But Jodi wasn't ready to quit yet. "So you went to Southwind, right? What crime did you commit, since everyone there was a criminal?"
"Selfless criminals," Cessily corrected. "That's a very big part of the requirements, and I was a thief."
"And how the hell is that selfless?" Jodi taunted.
Cessily leaned back in her chair with a pleased smile, because she'd just led Jodi right into her trap. "Well, you missed the most obvious question: what did I steal? Bread, ham, and cheese. My little sister hadn't eaten in days. My mother was too stoned to notice. The store insisted on pressing charges against me, so I went to Southwind. My little sister ended up being sexually assaulted and committed suicide before I got back home. I tried to save her and failed. Now I work to save other kids in the same situation."
"Oh my goodness," a woman breathed. "But I heard that Southwind isn't a good place."
"It's because of me," I admitted as I started handing out catalogues. "I spent my entire life being a godless heathen, and I date men." I moved to the next woman. "No, I'm not gay. I swing both ways, thank you very much." Then handed the last woman a book. "For the longest time, I was convinced that God and church weren't for me, because all I found there was hate. Then I came here."
"It's a sin," Jodi said. "It's in the Bible!"
"No," Bev corrected, "it's really not. The word homosexual didn't exist at that time. It may be printed in English, but God's word wasn't written in English. Back when I was a girl, the Bible said pederast, not homosexual. Jesus also died for our sins, and God never said that one sin is worse than another. We all sin, Jodi, and when you point a finger at someone else, there are four pointing right back at you." Then she clapped her hands, clearly ending that line of talk. "Now, I want to hear all about this lingerie."
Violet stepped right up and began extolling the virtues of my designs. "Ok, ladies. I can't be the only one who hates the way underwires pinch after a few hours, right? And there's nothing worse than the bra strap that won't stay on your shoulder." She looked around, nodding like she expected them all to agree. "Well, when I was modeling, we had tricks for that. Unrealistic ones that looked good on the runway but no one would ever use in real life."
"Double-sided tape," I explained. "Rubber cement to make the strap sticky. Adhesives to keep the cups where they're supposed to be, even when they bend over. Never mind the unrealistic weight rules." I gestured to my best friend. "Would you believe that right now, Violet is considered too fat to work for most companies? They want women so thin that the lingerie looks completely different - and that is why you never can get the right fit. It's not you. It's the people making this stuff!"
