"I know," I admitted. "We went from cheating on her dad to being with her dad, and somewhere in there she was sure Luke had cheated first. I just..." Lifting my hands, I let them drop. "In all honesty, I have no clue what we're doing, Ash."
"I just don't want her to hate me again," he said.
"I don't." The words entered the room before Faith peeked her head around the corner. "I also didn't mean to eavesdrop, but Dad's in the shower, and, um..." She moved to stand in the doorway, wringing her hands before her. "I think I'm sorry."
"Think?" I asked, pointing to the ottoman so she could sit down.
Faith made her way over, but she perched on the thing like she felt very nervous. "I don't know what a hall pass is, but I know that Mom said the only way to make cheating ok was to cheat back. I also know that Mom is usually wrong, and Dad is happy, but I don't really understand. Zeke said that you're all together and it's called poly, but how does that work?"
"Wow," Ash breathed, leaning forward to rest his arms on his legs. "How about we start from the beginning, ok?" he asked.
She nodded, looking like she was in complete agreement. "Ok. Why didn't anyone tell me?"
I had that one. "Because it's hard." Pushing my chair a bit, I rolled sideways so she could see both of us at the same time. "Faith, you saw what was on the door. All Luke's life, he's been told that fags are horrible people. Now, imagine what it would feel like to realize that he might fit into that category?"
"But fag's a bad word," she pointed out.
I nodded, showing she was right. "It's also the only word a lot of people know. Luke is bisexual, like Ash, and he needed time to figure it out himself before he had to worry about what anyone else would think. He needed to decide if he really felt that way, if he was ok feeling that way, and then what he wanted to do about it."
"What do you mean?" she asked. "He can't do anything about it."
"Oh, he could," Ash assured her. "He could try to ignore it, Faith. He likes women, and he was dating Violet. He could've pretended like he didn't feel this way, lied to himself and everyone else, and gone the easy way. He could've broken up with Violet so he could date a man. There are a lot of things hecould'vedone. None of it would've changed who he is or how he felt inside, but it would determine what other people think about him. People like you, who he never wants to disappoint."
"Oh." Her brow creased as she thought about that. "So, how did he know?"
"Uh..." Ash let out a heavy sigh. "I made Cy mad. I pushed and pushed until he snapped, and he wanted to make me hurt back, so he kissed the first person he could see. That just happened to be your dad."
"Dad said it was fast," Faith told us, making it clear she knew some of this.
"Because I yanked Cy away," Ash told her. "See, he's been the love of my life since I was just a bit older than you. I was jealous, which was exactly what he wanted. We were also both angry, and worse than I've ever been before, so we did a lot of stupid things that I regret. Cy kissed Luke, so I punched Cy."
"But Dad said you kissed him too," she said.
I had to fight not to laugh at the look on Ash's face. The poor guy was trying so hard to keep this appropriate without lying. Flustered, he pushed a hand through his hair, opened his mouth like he was going to say something, and then ended up just sighing again.
"Yeah," he finally admitted. "So, I kinda understood what he was feeling and tried to help him work through it. We talked, and he said it was too fast so he didn't get a chance to know what he thought about being kissed like that. So, I kissed him again to let him see if what he felt was surprise and shock, or if he honestly enjoyed kissing a man."
"But he was with Violet!" Faith huffed.
"And Violet has been my best friend for so long that I knew what she'd say," he countered.
"He was right too," I assured her. "I love Luke enough that if he's confused, I want to help him figure it out. In this case, it meant kissing my best friend."
"But that's cheating," Faith insisted. "That's the part I don't understand. If he's with you, he can't kiss anyone else."
I just lifted a hand, halting her tirade before she could warm up. "That's not always true. Cheating is lying. Cheating is deceiving someone. Cheating is breaking the agreement. All of that depends on what Luke and I had agreed to, Faith." This time, I was the one leaning forward. "Some women want to trap a man, or at the other extreme, they get worried that they aren't the best - or it could be something in the middle. There are so many reasons why people want to be just a couple that I can't even list them all. Mostly, though, it's because it's what we've been taught is allowed. Love means two people, right? Husband and wife. It's what God wants, right?"
"Maybe?" Faith said, smart enough to know I was about to make a point.
"What happens if someone doesn't believe in God?" I asked, pointing to Ash. "Or when they don't need a husband?" I gestured to myself. "What about when they aren't jealous? We don't have to be any of the things others expect of us, and I'm not. I love Luke enough to want him to be happy, no matter what. He loves me enough to be honest. When I found out he might be interested in guys and was confused, I told him to figure it out. I told him it was ok, Faith. I said he should kiss the guys - and anything else he wanted - and that I'd be willing to listen and talk to him about it whatever he was feeling."
"Really?" Her eyes dropped to the ground and her face turned tense. "But you had sex with Ash! I know you did."
"I did," I agreed.
She just shook her head, the motion more confused than denial. "I don't understand! How is that ok?"
"It's what we agreed to," Ash explained. "See, you're skipping to the end, and relationships don't work like that. One thing happened, so we talked about it. Then another, and we talked again. In there, Luke realized that both Cy and I have been in love with Violet since we were kids. We didn't know that was ok, though. Back then, we thought love meant couples too. Luke said it wasn't fair that he got to see what he liked and we didn't, so we made an agreement. The four of us are together. All four, however we feel comfortable."
