"You don't know shit," Jeremy sneered, but he wasn't surprised by Luke's accusation either. "And even if you did, there's not a damned thing you can do about it. You fucked up bad when you decided to go around the cops. You think that because you're sucking dick now, you're hot shit? Well, we'll see how you like it when you don't have your fancy-ass friends to protect you."
"Is that a threat?" Luke asked.
Jeremy smiled. "Faggots don't belong in Cats Peak." Then he shoved at Luke's shoulders with both hands.
Cy and I both pushed in, forcing the man back into the aisle, but Luke was right there with us. Once we were no longer trapped by the closely placed benches, I was the one pushing into the man's face, grabbing his shirt to make my point.
"Don't fuck with my boyfriends," I snarled. "Don't you dare fuck with me. I'm not here for you to like. I don't care if your hillbilly ideas make you think you're hot shit. This is a damned place of worship, and I will not let you desecrate it, my men, or anything else!"
And with each step, I pushed him back, hauling him to the door. Once we reached it, I gave him one last push, forcing him outside.
"Hate me all you want," I called after him. "But if you put your hands on someone I love, then all bets are off. If you do it in a church? That's just sick." Then I turned back to make sure Luke was ok.
But he and Cy were right behind me. Shoulder to shoulder, they were ready to protect me as much as I had been to stand up for them. Then someone stepped around Cy to ask if we were ok. Someone else told Jeremy to go home. No one complained about what I had done - or asked why.
Because Gran had been right. Underneath all of it, this really was a good place.
Chapter Fifty-Four
That moment that Ash had pushed before me had felt amazing. He hadn't even hesitated. The man had lost control, needing to protect what was his - and that something was me. I thought about that all day long. For my entire life, I'd been the guy who stepped up to throw down. The girls loved it. Now, I was the one who'd been protected - by both of my guys - and I could honestly see the appeal.
In that moment, Ash hadn't tried to make me feel like some pussy who couldn't take care of himself. No, he'd pushed into Jeremy's face because I was worth it. I wasn't quite sure what "it" was, but I knew that feeling. I'd been on the other side of it, willing to get hurt for something I cared about - or someone. Now, that someone was me, and yet neither of those had made me feel either weak or incompetent.
When it came to being with Violet, things were always easy and comfortable. I couldn't say I loved one of these people more than the others, but I had no problem admitting that I sucked at holding a man's hand. Did I just reach for him the same way I did with Vi? Whose hand went in front? How was I supposed to kiss him?
Because I knew how to do that in private, but grabbing, grinding, and groping weren't really appropriate for being in public. Was leaning in and brushing lips the only option? If I wrapped my arm around his back, was that weird? I had spent my life learning all of these subtle things about how to act around others, but it was different with a guy. I'd missed those formative years when I could've been figuring it out, and while I might be overthinking the fuck out of this shit, I wanted to do it right.
I also refused to accept that not touching was the only possible answer. And while I knew Cy was the man I should talk to, he was always just a little too understanding. Ash was the one who had put things in simple terms that this country boy could understand. So, sometime after dinner, I asked Violet if she could steal Cy for the night. Then, when it came time to go to bed, I headed to Cy's room - only to find Ash there waiting.
"So you know," he said, "Violet sucks at keeping secrets." Then he gestured to the door. "Lock that?"
I did. "Ash, I have questions."
"Well, when a boy likes a boy..." he joked, a sexy little smirk taking over his lips.
"Yeah," I drawled as I kicked off my boots. "That's actually what it's about. I mean, how am I supposed to act with a guy in public? After you stepped up like that today, there's no way I'm gonna fuck around and pretend like there's not a damned thing between us. And Cy? Shit, he's so damned casual. I really don't want to be the fumbling idiot when he goes to hold my hand."
Ash just ducked his head and then shook it. I knew he was laughing, but I could neither see it nor hear it, so that made it hurt a little less. It was also Ash, and I had a feeling that so long as he was laughing, he wasn't thinking of me as an idiot.
"Don't worry about it," he finally said.
"Yeah, but like, whose hand goes in front?" I pressed.
"The one who puts his hand there," Ash assured me. "Who wraps their arms high and who goes low? The one who does." He leaned back and stripped off his underwear, then reclined across the bed. "It's like being the big spoon and the little one, Luke. Sometimes I want to be held. Sometimes I want to do the holding. I mean, in some couples, one guy is a little more feminine, and they find their place, but there's no rule. There's no proper way to do it. Just be you, and I swear we're going to be ok with it. Fumbling, stupid, awkward, elegant, sexy, or anything else."
I tossed my shirt over to the side, then started working off my jeans. "I wanted to kiss you after you chased off Jeremy for me," I admitted. Then groaned, not liking how that sounded. "I mean - "
"You're fine, Luke," Ash promised. "You mean that you wanted to kiss me in public after I got all pissed off because someone was fucking with one of my men."
My jeans hit the floor, so I bent to get my socks and underwear off, in that order. "Yeah," I breathed, reaching back for the light. "I just feel like I'm still a little boy, trying to figure out what's allowed."
"General rule," Ash told me, "is that it's allowed. If someone doesn't like it, we'll make it clear how much we don't care. That goes for Cy too. You just have to understand that we are not going to make the first move. This is your home town. These are your friends. You need to decide when you're comfortable enough to take the next step - whatever step that is. You know, like holding my hand in church today."
Turning off the light, I crossed the distance to the bed, then crawled in. "I'm not ashamed," I promised. "I may not know how to say things the best way, or how to make the first move, but I am not embarrassed to think that you're sexy as fuck when you get pissed."
"Mm," Ash murmured, reaching over to slide his hand all the way down my side. "I like this, you know. This comfortable place we've carved out of the world. I like knowing that they can be in that room, we can be in this one, and sometimes the numbers aren't so even. I love knowing that if I'm tired and want to just go to sleep, you will let me curl up against your back and be the big spoon."
"Saying you have a headache?" I teased.
