I was walking up the aisle to close the stall doors when I saw him stroll across the gravel drive with his phone in his hands and my guts twisted again. I wasn't his boyfriend. He hadn't blocked his ex's number. His big issue was lying, but wasn't that exactly what he was doing?
No, Ash and Violet were ok with this. They trusted him, so I needed to do the same. I tried to talk myself down for another hour before I just gave up. Throwing the grease rag and wrench onto my work bench, I stormed down the hill toward the cabins. That was where Cy had gone. It was the most private place on the property, and I kept imagining him meeting up with that little prick down there.
So when I saw one of the doors open, I stormed right in, not surprised at all to find Cy - alone. Slamming the door behind me, I knew I should stop and think. I needed to close my damned mouth, walk back out, and take a fucking breath. Sadly, I did none of that.
"Why the fuck is he calling you!" I roared.
Cy paused with his back to me, a drop cloth in his hand that used to be on a bed. "I unblocked him to see if he was going to keep lying."
"Did. You.Answer?" I snarled.
I watched as his shoulders slumped before he turned. That gave me the answer. It said more than he knew, and my heart stalled in my chest. Slowly - much too slowly - Cy turned to face me. His shirt fit tight enough for me to see every muscle across his chest. His beard was trimmed and neat. His lips were turned down in a scowl, but those eyes? Dark, they met mine, and I couldn't fucking look away.
"I told him to give up," he admitted. "I sent him a text. I didn't answer the call."
"So why haven't you blocked him again?" I huffed. "C'mon, Cy! You don't need that asshole. You have Ash, and Violet..." I almost stopped there. I wanted to, but I couldn't. "And me."
"I'm not cheating," he insisted. "I'm not about to go back to him, Luke! I just needed some fucking closure, ok?"
"No, not ok," I snapped, closing the distance between us just to shove at him. "You don't get to fucking kiss me like that, or shove me against the wall and blow me, or..." I shoved again, this time harder. "No!"
But this time, he shoved back. "I'm not doing a damned thing wrong!"
"No?" My fists were curled up tight and I couldn't make them relax, but I was using my goddamned words. Maybe not my brain, but this was me fucking trying. "You don't think Ash would like to know about that? You know, how you got back with him and now you're all fixated on your fucking ex? The one who fucked you over, cheated on you, and didn't give a shit until you had something worth wanting?"
"Ash knows," he said. "He told me to deal with it how I need to."
"And Violet?!"
I watched as he swallowed. "I asked her for advice."
"Andme?" That came out a wail, and I didn't mean it to. "I fucking love you, Cy! Don't you get that? I jumped off that damned cliff, and you were using me?"
"You don't love me," he shot back. "You don't fucking know me, Luke!" His voice kept getting louder. "You're fucking living on top of the world, loving the fuck fest in that house. You fall into bed with Violet every night and flirt with Ash when it's good for you, but me? No, I'm not about to let you think I'm your little bitch! You don't fucking know me, or you'd know I have to do this!"
"Fuck you, Cy," I growled.
And then my fucking fist followed right after.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ipunched. Cy jerked to the side, dodging it easily, and then he shoved. I tried to twist out of his grip, but the fucker was just too damned strong. Just like he had that first day, the asshole shoved me forward until my face pressed against the wall.
"Fucking stop!" he yelled.
Yeah, I ignored him, trying to push myself off, shift away, or something. None of it worked. Instead, Cy pressed all of his bulk against me, trapping me there. I had to shove one more time, but he was ready for it. Giving in, I pressed my forehead against the wall, but I couldn't talk. I was doing my best not to fucking bawl.
"I do," I finally managed to get out, but it was just a whisper.
Cy just pressed his face against the back of my neck, his mouth so close to my ear. "You can't, Luke. You don't fucking know me."
So I turned to look back. "I know you think you'll always come in last place. I know that's why it hurt you so bad when Violet felt like she was always going to be second. I know you didn't chase after Ash because you knew she needed him, and you will do without if it will help those you care about."
His hands relaxed the smallest amount. "You don't fucking know me, Luke."
So I kept going. "I know you didn't kiss me that first time because of Ash. I know you didn't plan to stop, either, and that's what I couldn't help but think about that whole night." Carefully, I turned a little more, and he didn't stop me. "I know that I've never had a friend like you before. I know that isn't the same as a boyfriend, and maybe I need to work a little harder to earn that, but I'm fucking trying, ok? I'm over here fumbling around, and I'm scared shitless that I'm messing something up. With Ash, with Vi... or with you."
"Not with me," he breathed, and then his hand found the side of my face.
