"Like Brody making videos of me?" she asked. "Cy, I didn't know I was being recorded. What if he's got, like, me being stupid?"
"Doesn't matter," I promised. Yeah, I knew some of what was on those recordings, but I sure wouldn't tell Faith that. "Nothing you did was worse than what I did. I swear to you."
"What did you do?" she asked.
"It started when I told my parents I was gay." I shrugged. "I was your age, and I honestly thought I was. Had never met any girls I liked, so I figured I had to be gay. Well, my father was not ok with that. He told me to get out of the house. I had nowhere to go, and at thirteen years old, I didn't have a clue how to survive."
"Where'd you go?" she asked.
"I lived in Houston, and I found a dumpster to sleep behind. Even in the rain and cold. Didn't matter. For ten months I lived on the street. I was homeless, Faith."
"But that's not worse than having pictures taken of you," she muttered.
"That's not the worst thing I did," I assured her. "It's also why I was so worried about you. I know just how bad things can get, and I know how much it hurts your soul. Not a lot of people can understand that, but trust me when I sayIcan."
"What did you do?" she asked again.
I just ducked my head and chuckled. "I'd really rather not talk about it. I'm not proud of those days, and it still hurts. All that matters is that I survived, just like you're going to. And if you ever need an ear, you've got mine."
"Did someone take a video of you?" she asked.
"Worse," I promised. "They touched, Faith. No one ever has the right to take things from you unless you give it to them, and Brody never got permission. It's not your fault. Not even when it feels like it is. That's called shame, and it sucks, but just keep reminding yourself that you did absolutely nothing wrong. I've talked to everyone in our house, and none of us think you are to blame. Not even a little."
"What if I made him think it was ok?" she whispered.
"How?" I asked.
"When he told me to take a bath and I did. When I played in there to make sure I was in the bath tub for long enough. Things like that. What if he thought that was me saying it was ok?"
"Then that's his mistake," I assured her, "not yours. See, there's this thing called consent. It's when you make it clear something's ok."
"Like when you asked if you could join me?" She tipped her head to where I was sitting, showing what she meant.
"Exactly like that," I agreed. "I don't just have the right to invade your space. I don't have the right to touch you, hug you, or anything else. You are responsible for your own body, and if I want to share that, then I need permission. So does everyone else. I mean, when we know someone well enough, we know it's always there. Like Violet will always let me hug her, and Ash likes me to come sit with him."
"That makes sense," she agreed.
"But even if it's assumed to be ok, like this?" I gestured between us. "If you said you wanted to be alone, I'd get up and leave you alone. You can change your mind. You can take it back. And here's the most important thing of all. If you try and someone doesn't listen to you, then your family will make them. Pretty sure your dad will be first, but I'll be there with him. Ash, Violet, Cessily, and even Darnell will too."
"But you're not really my family," she pointed out.
"You are Lilac. I am Cyan. We're Shades of Trouble, a part of the Southwind rainbow, and that makes us our own type of family. We're not the kind that people are born into. We're a family of choice, and I think that makes it even stronger."
"Cy?" she asked.
"Yeah, Faith?"
"Why do I feel like this?"
"Because not all pain is on the outside. It's also not easy to explain what hurts. Is it your heart? Your head? Maybe your pride? Your view of yourself as a person? Something is bruised, and it's something in your soul. It hurts, but there aren't words to describe it, right?"
"It feels like my stomach," she whispered.
"I know," I breathed, wanting so badly to hug her but knowing I couldn't. Not right now. Not yet. "It gets better, though. I promise you that it does. See, the thing that no one ever wants to tell you is that sometimes life hurts, but it doesn't stay that way."
"How did the cops catch him?" she asked.
"One of our brothers, a guy we call Teal, made sure of it. He works with the FBI, and his friend is the one who made the arrest."
