Darnell ducked his head and chuckled softly. "And you still react when I push your buttons. You like men, and there's not a damned thing wrong with that. You also like Violet. Combined, this is like a wet fucking dream, right? So of course you're gonna start hoping."
"And bracing for the worst," I agreed. "Abandonment issues. I start making an exit plan before the shit goes bad. If I can't fix things, then I don't have to stick around, you know? Can't help it, and I know it, but I still do it."
"So what's your exit plan this time?" he asked.
I turned to look up at the house on the top of the little hill. "That's the thing. I have no idea this time. I find myself thinking about checking for jobs in Dallas, or keeping a backup plan, but I'm not following through. This is my second chance. I never crawled back to Ash to apologize. He swooped in and cornered me instead. I have the loves of my life, and I think Luke could be one of them, but I'm not running. Instead, I'm stalling out. I'm hesitating because I'm fucking scared to death that this is all too good to be true."
Darnell's next question was soft, almost encouraging. "Hesitating how?"
"I've only slept with Violet a few times. The nights I spend with her are usually cuddling. I've been hands-off with Ash since he got hurt, saying it's because he needs to heal. I'm trying real fucking hard to make Luke a friend, because I miss what we had before I kissed him. I'm trying to give it time, to stop thinking with my dick and start using my brain. If I want this relationship to work, then I need to be invested in more than the sex, right? I mean, that's what I'd tell anyone else, so I'm listening to my own advice, and I'm taking it slow."
"And when something goes wrong?" he asked. "When this isn't the perfect little fantasy that's spinning around in your head? Because it won't be, Cy. This is life, and it's a far fucking cry from perfect."
I licked my lips and looked up at him. "Then I'm going to call an old friend and beg him to talk me down."
He just leaned forward and offered his hand. "Every fucking time, Cyan." I clasped it, and he pulled me forward to slap my arm. "When you want to run, you run to me, and I'll make sure you can come back. No judgement, brother. I got ya. I'll always get ya, man. We're gonna fucking make sure you get a happy ending."
I clasped the back of his neck and shook lightly. "If you're offering..."
"Ah, fuck off," he scoffed, pushing me back, but he didn't stop laughing. "Damned faggot."
I laughed. "Just want some of that big Black dick, bro. Heard it's all the rage."
Darnell clambered to his feet. "Well, how about you check out my ass while we finish opening these windows, hm? Cess and I are going to be in town a couple more days, then I have to get back to work, and I'm dragging her hot little ass with me."
I groaned as I found my feet. "Yeah, and she's gonna break your heart so bad."
"Nah," he said. "I know where I stand with her. Fuck buddy, Cy. She's just a fuck buddy, but I damned well made sure that she knows if she ever changes her mind, I'm down for a casual long-distance hook up. One day, that woman will wake up and realize that we've got a thing, and she's not missing out on her life. Gonna take a while, but I'm down for the long game."
"We're so fucked," I said as we headed inside. "Ruled by our damned dicks."
"Hearts," he corrected. "That's the part that always gets a man in trouble."
Chapter Fifteen
My alarm went off at six Tuesday morning. For a moment, I couldn't understand why I'd want to wake up before the sun, but reaching toward my phone to silence the annoying noise gave me the answer. The screen proclaimed that it was Faith's first day of school.
After pausing to rub the sleep from my eyes, I rolled over and nudged Luke. "Hey," I managed to get out. "Luke?"
"Hit snooze," he grumbled, rolling away from me.
A little laugh slipped out and I pressed up against his back. "It's the first day of school, hot stuff. Your daughter's big day. C'mon, Daddy. You have to make sure she gets a good send-off."
He reached back to pull me closer. "Call me Daddy again and it might convince me."
I just shoved at his shoulder. "Don't tell me that's your kink. C'mon, Luke. She needs breakfast, and neither of us wantsmeto cook for her."
"Fuck," he breathed, turning onto his back just to pull me against his chest. "Yeah, you're right." Then he smiled. "Good morning, beautiful."
"I'm not beautiful yet," I reminded him.
But his arms just wrapped around me, holding me there. "I happen to think you are. When you just wake up is a close second to when you're sleeping. Oh, you're stunning when you're all dressed up, and elegant when you want to be, even distracting at times. But right now, just like this? You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life."
I leaned in to steal a quick kiss. "And you still have to get up, Luke."
"Trust me, I'm up. You've got ten minutes to use the bathroom before I can get out of this bed." He let go and then stretched. "And I'm supposed to order supplies for the barn with Ash and make a trip down to the cabins with Cy to make a renovation plan. Shit, is it September yet?"
"Few more days," I reminded him. "And a couple more weeks before the temperatures drop below a hundred again." But I rolled off the bed. "So, mornings are the best time to work, right?"
