"Bea knew I'd never be able to leave Cats Peak. Not for eighteen years, at least," Luke explained. "So she taught me skills that would keep me in work out here. Hay, horses, and cattle. When Faith was with her mom, Bea made me help her out in the barn. Taught me how to fix things, make new things, and keep a farm running. She was basically the best dad I could've asked for, and all mom at the same time."
"She was a little butch," I admitted. "That woman scared the hell out of me when I got here. Said she didn't care what kind of prissy boys we thought we were. We'd learn how to get our hands dirty. I hated her, and somewhere along the way, I learned to love her."
"And Vera," Luke said with a sigh. "You know I walked in on them once? Middle of the night, and they were watching some movie on the couch. I went down to get something for Faith, and Bea was under the blankets. They were mortified, but I just acted like I didn't have a clue. After that, I started seeing it. The little touches, the sweet smiles, and all of it."
"Yeah," I agreed. "They kept that to themselves so the kids wouldn't be bothered."
"I don't want to." Luke dropped that out there and let it sit for a moment. "I'm bisexual, Cy. I like men's bodies and women's. I have the worst fucking timing in the world, but this is me, and I'm learning how to be ok with it."
"Like Ash, huh?" I asked, flashing him a smile to make it clear I was proud of him. "You ok with that?"
"I kinda am." Then he pushed out a nervous breath. "I told David. It's more true to say that I asked for advice."
"And?" I pressed, honestly curious what the man had said.
Luke slowed his horse just a bit to fall right beside me. "He said I needed to tell Violet." Then he grunted, correcting himself. "I told him that I got caught in a fight between you and Ash and got kissed. Then he said to talk to Violet, and I told him I had, and that she was ok with it. That we have no secrets, but I needed to know that I'm not going to lose my religion because of this."
"You won't," I promised. "And if you want supporting arguments, ask Ash. He's got them all."
"Why?"
"Because of his parents," I explained. "He made it big, and they suddenly remembered that he was alive. They wanted his money. He wouldn't share, so they threw it back in his face. I mean, he was a model at the time, and a good one. Calvin Klein and all of that. The whole world was crying because they couldn't decide if he was gay or with Violet. And now you know why he has a thing about bi-erasure, because no one ever guessed that he could like both."
"Thought he didn't usually like men, though?" Luke asked.
I shrugged. "He does like to make a scene, and if having a pretty boy on his arm would do it, then he'd take a guy as his date. He didn't sleep with most of them, but no one cared. He was beautiful, so he had to be gay, and Ash threw it back in their faces while sticking his dick in Violet." I glanced over. "And not telling a damned soul. I found out when I got here. If asked, Ash replied that they were simply best friends. Nothing more. Not even a wink or a nod."
"Because he's a good guy," Luke said softly. "He tries so hard to be an asshole, but deep down, he's actually a pretty good guy."
"And an asshole," I reminded him. "Those two are vicious, but I love them anyway."
"Me too," Luke said.
I lifted my hand and my horse stopped. Luke's made another pace before he realized it and turned his gelding back around, but we were in the middle of nothing, with no one around to listen in. I had to know, and I couldn't stop myself from asking this anymore.
"What are we doing, Luke?"
He guided Storm back to stop right beside me. "I'm figuring it out, Cy. I've basically taken every single thing I've ever known, and burned it to the ground. All the rules, all the friends, and everything else. Not a damned thing makes sense anymore, but I know two things. I need to be the best father I can for Faith, and there are three people who mean damned near as much."
"And what happens when we destroy you in the process?" I asked.
He moved his horse just a little closer so he could rest his hand on my thigh. "I've spent my entire life feeling like I didn't belong. Here? It's perfect. It was so good that I was sure that it couldn't be real.That'swhy I pushed you away, Cy. You never forced yourself on me. Not even that first kiss. I saw you coming, and I could've stopped you. Thinking back, I could've pushed you off, or done so many other things, but I didn't fuckingwantto."
"I wanted you to fall in love with me so I could have something - since I thought I'd lost Ash," I admitted. "I'd never admit it to them, but I kept thinking that it wasn't fair. Ash and Violet were so good together, and then she got you too? I just wanted one of you, and I knew I couldn't have Ash, and she's too good for me, so I kept hoping that maybe it would be you."
"I've never had a friend like you before," he said softly.
"I'm not talking about a friend," I shot back.
"Cy, shut up," Luke snapped. "I've never had a friend like you. When you started hanging out in the barn and treating me like a person? I fucking liked it. I looked forward to seeing you almost as much as her, and I'm crazy about that woman."
"Yeah," I breathed, knowing exactly what he meant - and not just the part about Violet.
He nodded. "But I liked what we had. It felt good. It felt fuckingright. And then you kissed me. All I could think was that I didn't get the chance to see if I liked it. Then the pool, and when I woke up beside you? I don't ever want to give that up."
"What if they leave?" I asked. "Because it's always possible. They'll pick up and go back to Europe, or New York, or something else."
"Then we'll keep Southwind running until they come back," he said. "Because, Cy? They'llalwayscome back. Not for the house, and not even this land." He pointed right at me. "This. The feeling of being out here with you and not needing to bullshit you about this? That's what home feels like, and the only place I've ever known it was Southwind. If you want me to go, you'll have to tell me, because I don't make the same mistake twice."
