He breathed out a laugh. "Depends on who you ask and what version of the Bible you use. New International Version, King James, and which one of those. There's more, too. Ask me what you really want to know, Luke. It's confidential."
"Is it wrong?"
"No," David said. "Is it a sin? Maybe. I also know that you weren't married when Faith was conceived, but you don't seem as worried about that. Your friends are God's children."
"What about me?" I asked.
He paused. "I thought you were dating Violet?"
I nodded. "I am. It's... something happened. It was an accident, and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Cy wanted to make Ash mad, so he kissed me, and..."
"You liked it," David realized.
"Yeah," I breathed.
He looked at me with honest concern. "Have you had those kinds of thoughts before?"
"I want to say no, but I was talking to Darnell - another person in the house. Um, he said he's never noticed when a man's good-looking. Says he can't tell, but I always have. I just... I can't be like this, David. I could lose Faith if it gets out. I also can'tstop- and I'm not sure I want to - but I have to take care of my daughter first."
"The two are not related," David promised. "A gay man can be an amazing father - or a bad one. It has more to do with the man than it does who he's attracted to. Why don't we look at men like Brody and complain that all straight men are clearly evil? Brody is straight, and yet he did horrible things, so can't we extrapolate?"
"That's not the same," I insisted.
"It's exactly the same," he countered. "You can't take one part of a person and try to make the rest of them fit it. We're complex beings. We're a mixture of good things and bad. The real question, though, is if you're being fair to Violet if you're not attracted to her."
"I am," I assured him. "I'm actually in love with that woman. I've just realized that maybe things aren't black or white." I chuckled. "Ash always talks about bi-erasure, and I'm starting to see what he means. David, I think I'm attracted to men as well as women, and I need advice."
"Talk to your girlfriend," he told me. "You need to be open and honest with her first."
"I have," I assured him. "This is going to sound so bad, but she, um, encouraged me."
He chuckled. "I see. So are you driving a wedge between Ash and Cy?"
"No," I assured him. "In that house? It's the craziest thing you can imagine. They talk. Everyone just lays it out there, and they can say no without making it hurt. No, we all know, and they've been teaching me a lot." I wouldn't dare tell him how, but my mind immediately jumped to kissing Ash last night. "It's just that I'm worried about Faith and the custody stuff. If I don't say anything before that, am I lying to her? If I do, I know she'll end up with her mother."
"I think you should listen to your attorney on this one," David said. "Faith doesn't need anything else on her plate right now, and if you're with Violet, then any sexual urges you may have aren't your daughter's business."
"But am I making a mistake?" I asked him. "Am I doing something wrong?"
David pressed his hands over where I held mine clasped on my lap. "You jumped in to help Ash without a second thought. Because of that, you got hurt, but does it feel like the wrong thing?"
"No..."
"Sometimes, Luke, the right thing can hurt. That doesn't make it wrong. Pray and listen to your heart. I can't tell you if Faith will be ok with the idea, but the more time she spends with Ash and Cy - who are very good men - the more she'll understand that who we love isn't as important as how much we love. You're not broken, and you're not a mistake, Luke. God doesn't make those."
Then he prayed with me. When I finally left his office, the last worry I had in my mind was gone. This was me. I was a bisexual man, and I was ok with it. I wasn't broken, screwed up, or making a mistake. I wasn't a bad father. I was just me, and fuck anyone who didn't like it.
Chapter Six
Ihadn't been on a horse in years. Ash told me that he'd helped Luke pick out Butch just for me. The gelding was a big bay draft cross with one white spot on his shoulder and some high socks. He also looked a lot like a tank when tied in the alley beside Luke's grey horse.
"You want me to get my fat ass up on that?" I asked Luke, who was currently rummaging for the right tack.
"Your ass is not fat," Luke shot back.
I couldn't help it; I laughed. "Sounds like Violet has you trained already."
He heaved a pad up in one hand and lifted the saddle to his hip with the other. "I don't happen to think that's a bad thing," he said.
