"Yeah." He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I didn't think. I just wanted to make him hurt, and it was a shit thing for me to do. You deserve better than that."
My eyes jumped up, finding his waiting. "What?"
"You've been cool with me," he explained, and something in my chest dropped.
"Yeah. No, I get it. I've been an idiot about a breakup before." I knew this was when I should leave, but I couldn't quite convince my legs of that. "I just... I... You..." I couldn't figure out what came next.
Cy's brow creased and he stepped closer, clasping my arm. "It's ok, Luke. Finish that."
In the darkness, he was beautiful. With his dark hair, dark eyes, and dark beard, he looked like he belonged on a Harley. I could see his shirt straining against his muscles, and I could smell that he'd been working all day, but he didn't stink. It was a mixture of fresh-cut grass, diesel fuel, and something that made my dick refuse to relax.
"I can't be gay," I finally said.
"Ikissedyou," he assured me. "That says nothing about you, and gay's still not the only option. Pretty damned sure you're into women. What I did doesn't change you at all, ok?"
"Yeah," I said. "I, uh..."
"Need space," he realized, dropping his arm. "Just don't run away from her because I'm an idiot, ok? She really does like you, and no matter what's spinning through your head right now, you do like her. There's no faking the way you look at her." He shoved his hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm sorry. I'mrealsorry, Luke."
"Do I kiss good?" I asked.
He laughed once. "Yeah. You do."
"You too."
Then I turned before I could do anything else stupid, wrenched open the door of my truck, and turned the key to warm the glow plugs. A million thoughts were spinning through my head, and I knew I was a mess. I needed a shower. I had to think, but my brain was finally starting to catch back up. Beside me, Cy's shoulders slumped and he turned back for the barn, so I rolled down my window.
"Cy?" I yelled after him.
He turned back a little too fast. "Yeah?"
"Tell Violet I'll be back in the morning?"
"I'll handle it," he promised. "Just... be ok?"
I thought he misspoke for a moment, then I realized he was honestly worried about me. "Fix your shit," I told him, then I started my truck.
He huffed at that, but since he was heading back to the barn, it seemed like that was what he intended to do. Me? I backed out of the drive, made my way down the hill and refused to look back. I hadn't hated it. I hadn't pushed him off, which was what I'd always assumed I'd do if that happened.
I'd kissed him - and I wasn't sure I wouldn't do it again.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I'd plucked a piece of long grass from the tines of the torture device attached to the back of the tractor. The thing honestly looked like something from a medieval dungeon, but it was part of this hay process. Twirling the grass between my fingers, I listened to Luke and Cy talking in the driveway. They weren't yelling, which meant Luke wasn't too pissed off. I also wasn't going to get in the middle of that.
Instead, I headed over to an old trunk and sat down, knowing that some things couldn't wait, but things between Cy and me had for a little too long. Violet was right when she said I'd let it fester. I just hadn't realized it until I saw him again. When I'd left, Cy had been seventeen. Back then, I'd thought he was big and strong, but now? He'd turned into a man. I hadn't noticed at Gran's funeral because I'd been too worried about Violet spiraling again. I'd noticed he was there, and then I'd pushed him out of my mind the same way I always did.
Now, I couldn't.
"Shit," Cy breathed as he walked back in. "You're right. I am a dumb fuck."
"Is he ok?" I asked.
Cy could only shrug. "I was impressed that he didn't lose his shit when I told him my last lover was a man. This? I dunno. If he breaks up with Vi because of me?" He blew out a heavy breath. "Fuck! What was I thinking?"
"That you wanted to hurt me?" I offered. "Kinda worked."
"Yeah." He lowered himself to the floor about ten feet in front of me, then leaned over his bent knees. "I know I don't have the right to ask, but can you talk to him?"
