"That's kinda what Luke calls it. And I've cleared my plate two dinners in a row now." I held up my hand showing the size of the plate. "Still progress, right?"
"The clearing part is," he agreed. "That used to make you crazy." Then he leaned in and kissed my brow. "Does Cy know I'm coming?"
"I told him, and he knows this won't be easy, but says he misses you." I looked up at him. "It was thirteen years ago, Ash. He's family, and we don't want to lose him again."
"I know," he said, pulling me against his chest. "I've been anxious about it all day. I want him to fall in my arms, I want him to say it's never going to happen, and I want us to just forget all of that and go back to being the three amigos again."
"Don't hit him," I warned, "because Cy's big enough now to put you on your ass."
Ash groaned, making a production of it. "I tried hard not to look at him at the funeral. Figured he'd break my heart again."
"Oh, Ash. I'm not going to lie to you. He grew up nice." Then I giggled. "And I kinda kissed him."
Jerking me back, he bent to look in my face. "What?!"
"That was Luke." I paused. "Which sounds worse when I say it like that. Ok." I waved for him to relax. "Cy wanted to know how to kiss with a cowboy hat on. Luke kissed me. Somehow, that ended up all twisted around into societal norms - I did warn you that Cy's definitely a shrink. Well, next thing I know, Luke wants to see Cy kiss me to see if he'll be jealous, and, yeah. That happened."
"Shit," Ash breathed. "How many hard dicks in that room?"
"One and a half," I admitted. "Luke said he might have a voyeur thing, and Cy was trying really hard not to cross any lines."
"And he prefers men," Ash said. "Probably a little stage fright when it comes to kissing any woman, let alone you. Makes sense." Then he stepped back and dropped his rump onto the bed. "You said he'll be back around sundown?"
"That's when he finished the last time he was on a tractor. Headlights on the tractor bring bugs, and that makes it pretty miserable." I tilted my head, trying to figure out why he was asking, then gave in. "Why?"
"Because he and I need to talk, you need to not be in the middle of it, and I can't promise it's not going to get ugly." Ash shoved both hands over his face, scrubbing at it. "I can't just pretend like none of it happened, and I know Cyan well enough to know he'll try to say what I want to hear. Vi, I still love that man. I will always love that man. He's my kryptonite as much as you are."
"I know," I said, moving to sit beside him. "And I know you can't simply ignore it. He can't either. You two had something real, and it's festered for far too long. Just... Please don't do anything stupid?"
"Can't promise that," he said, reaching his arm around me to pull me against his side. "Vi, we're going to figure this out, and we're going to work it out, but I can't promise what the outcome will be. I'd rather head back to New York than make your life miserable."
"No," I snapped, grabbing his chin so he had to look at me. "If you try that, I will fly up there and drag your ass back. That's not an option. You are not going to vanish from my life the way he did. This isn't a timeshare. If you can deal with Luke, then you can man up and figure out how to deal with Cy. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You will fix this. I don't care if you two start all over, if you're friends, rivaling brothers, or anything else, but this is our fault, Ash. We left him, so he left us back, and I'm done with that shit."
"Ok," he agreed. "Just know that a single talk isn't going to erase thirteen years of pain. It doesn't work like that, Violet. So, before you start dictating how I'm going to 'just get over it,' you take a hard look in the mirror. You can't even remember the names of the girls who tore you up, but I'm still right here, making sure you eat, reminding you that you're amazing, and trying to erase the scars they left. Same damned thing."
"And you made me face it," I reminded him. "This is me making you do the same. You have to accept that it hurts before you can heal, and I'm not convinced you've ever really done that. You feel the first hint of pain and push it right out of your mind."
"Yeah," he breathed, admitting I had a point. "He's going to break my heart all over again, isn't he?"
"Probably," I agreed, "but you're going to do the same to him. Don't make me choose, Ash. I'm not sure I could."
"Never," he promised. "Just... Let us work it out like men, ok? Not boys. Men this time."
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ifinished with the last pasture of cattle and dragged my tired ass back into my truck knowing I wasn't done. The sun was mostly down and we were well into twilight. Cy had to be done with the hay by now, and he had no idea how to disconnect the equipment. So long as he could get it all into the barn, we'd be fine, but I should probably show him that.
I stopped at the corner gas station for a bottle of Gatorade, then kept going. I'd have to borrow a shower before we worried about dinner, but I had a feeling Violet wouldn't mind. It was also Saturday night, so no one would care if I didn't come home until morning. For a split second, I even thought about skipping church, but I knew Faith would be crushed. I'd just set my alarm and make it happen.
That was what I was thinking about when I pulled into the drive and right up in front of the barn. My horses weren't out, which meant Cy had probably put them away for me. He'd asked about that earlier, after seeing a few coyotes in the pasture when he was mowing. He wouldn't grain them, but he promised to put them in their stalls, give them a flake of hay, and make sure they had water.
Damn, but I liked the guy. There wasn't a single thing wrong with him, and who cared who he slept with? Wasn't anyone's business but his and the other person in his bed. Wasn't like I was going to ask Mr. Simmons how he got it on. Even the thought of that made me shudder.
But as soon as I got out of my truck, I heard voices in the barn, and they didn't sound happy. Confused, I headed toward them. The lights were still off, but I was pretty sure one of those voices was Cy. The other I couldn't place. He was doing too much hissing and not enough talking for me to figure it out.
"You fucking asshole," Cy growled, sounding like he was ready to rip someone apart.
"Oh, I am? You destroyed me. Just cut me out, huh? Not even a big deal, and all I wanted was my own future. You're a big shot doctor now and maybe that was easy for you, but the rest of us had to bust our asses to figure out where we belonged. I loved you, and your last words to me were, 'I've met someone else anyway.'"
