"You're ok," he said again. "You're sexy, masculine, and not a pussy. You look the same on the outside as you did the first time we met. You're a real man, Luke. You're ok."
I let my eyes close and the air fell from my lungs. Ash's hand shifted and he rubbed gently, the feeling actually reassuring. Then he leaned in and pressed his brow to mine, not caring that we were two naked men alone in a shower. Something about the gesture was brotherly. Manly.
Right.
"I don't know what I'm doing," I whispered.
"It's ok," he promised. "We do. Stop waiting for us to judge you, because it's not going to happen. It's ok to let someone hold you up, Luke. It's ok to not have all the answers. None of that makes you less of a man. And if you think liking a little dick does, then I'd like to know how you think Cy's anything but a man?"
I chuckled. "Ok, that's a good point."
"That man loves to be on the bottom. He can deepthroat like you've never seen. He loves the dick, but you don't look at him and think he's some pussy. If you met him in a store, you'd be sure that the guy with him was his brother. The girl with him had to be his latest conquest. He doesn't read as gay, but he's damned close."
"What about you?" I asked.
"I make panties and bras for a living. Even if I looked like Cy, the world would be convinced I was gay. I like fashion. I like looking good. I have my hair colored. I moisturize! I've slept with three men in my life and more than thirty women. Doesn't matter."
"Fuck," I breathed, lifting my head and killing the moment. "Thirty?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Uh, like seven. That includes Violet."
"Mine too," he agreed. "Although I've never slept with Cy. Did pretty much everything else. And being a model kinda made it easy to get fucked. Touring the world gave me a few more options. Not the same as being stuck here."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better," I teased.
"A bit." He grinned. "You done?"
"Yep."
He turned off the water, so I stepped out. Grabbing a towel, I dried off like always, thinking nothing of it until I heard the shower curtain open and realized I was basically shaking my junk all over the place. A moment of self-consciousness hit me. Then I decided I wouldn't care. I still had to put on a pair of jeans without underwear, so damp skin wouldn't help at all.
"You know," Ash said, grabbing a towel as he moved beside me, "I could seriously use you in my next photoshoot."
"I amnota model," I told him.
"Well, the tan lines are a problem, but we can edit that out. That picture you punched me for? I'll text it to you later. Turned out amazing, and I wouldn't mind using the scene a few more times. Figure a bare-chested cowboy, with his hat tipped low enough to hide most of his face, and a hot little thing in some sexy bra and panty set? I'm willing to bet it would sell better than her on her own. Our market is women between the ages of eighteen and sixty-five."
"I'll think about it." But I sure wouldn't make any promises, because the answer was still going to be no. "Although, there's a billboard at the crossroad. Would be a little too fitting to put her on it."
"What, so you can brag that you're fucking the billboard girl?" He nodded as if that made sense. "Would it make the rest of this easier?"
"Might," I said with a shrug. "Ash, I honestly don't know."
"Then I'll call about the billboard." And he wrapped the towel around his waist and walked out.
I didn't even think, I just followed him, still holding mine in my hand. "Just like that?" I called after him. "I was fucking joking!"
He turned back and smiled. "Just like that, cowboy. And I'm not. I like you. I kinda want you to figure out that it's ok to like me back. If putting our girl on a billboard helps with that, then I will plaster Violet on everything within a hundred miles of this town."
"Because that's cheap." I scoffed. "You can't just buy things to make life easy, Ash."
"You're right. Money doesn't matter at all. It just smooths out the potholes and makes the trip a little nicer. The important things? That takes work, and it's worth more than any price I can pay. Fuck the cost. I'm saying that you're what matters, Luke. I want you to be ok, and I will burn everything to make that happen."
"Why me?" I asked.
He paused to push back his wet hair. "Because you should've had a color. You were right fuckinghere. You were there when Gran needed you. You stepped up when Violet did, and you were willing to beat the shit out of me to take care of her. Youdofirst, never thinking about the fucking money. That's why."
