I grabbed his arm, gently begging him to give me a second. "I have. Luke and I talked about it too. He snuck over in the middle of the night and we talked. Ok, and fucked." I shifted, rolling over onto my back. "I told him about my fantasy. How I wanted all of you at the same time, and he was hot for it. Even the idea of you fucking him."
Ash groaned. "You're killing me. Between your perfect tits and that? I'm going to be wagging this dick all the way down the stairs in a second when I go change the laundry."
I just pushed out my arm, inviting him to come closer. He did, scooting in to rest his head on my shoulder. His arm traced the pattern of colors across my waist, and for a moment neither of us said anything. I wasn't sure we needed to.
"You'll have to make the first move with Cy," he finally said, breaking the comfortable silence.
"You'll need to fix things with him and start something with Luke." I curled my arm around his back. "He's nervous, Ash. His whole life, Luke has been told that this is wrong. It's a sin, disgusting, and more. He also loved Gran. He never got a color, but he's one of us. He and Ijustmissed each other. He and Cy probably passed in the barn at some point."
"I know," he breathed. "I can't stop thinking about that. I mean, I remember Gran and Bea talking about some kid from town and what they were going to do, but I never thought anything of it." He paused to look up at me. "He gets me going, Vi."
"You always liked strong men," I pointed out.
"And women," he agreed. "But that's not what I mean. He gets under my skin the same way Cy did. He pisses me off, he makes me hard, and he drives me crazy. Luke Barrett is not the kind of man you walk away from without leaving a part of your heart behind. Cy's the same. I want to try this, but if it doesn't work, then we're going to be destroyed."
"Not us," I promised him. "We'll be a mess, but you and I are eternal. Till death do us part, Ash."
"And Cy?" he asked. "You can't just avoid talking about him and think I'll let you get away with that."
I licked my lips, bracing for Ash to pull away. "Cy was the one line I knew I couldn't cross. He was yours. Just like most girls won't mess with their best friend's ex? Yeah, like that."
"And he's not mine anymore," Ash reminded me. "We can't just fall back into what we had. We have to start over, and this time, I think we need to do it better. I'd kinda like to try this with you. One big poly relationship."
"Luke won't agree," I reminded him.
"He will," Ash promised. "It'll take a while, and we're not rushing this, but I think he'll come around. Maybe closeted, but I'm good with him being your boyfriend. Kinda like swingers, right? Me and Cy, you and Luke. Looks good in public, and no one needs to know about what happens in private. Seriously, what are you thinking?"
"Slowly," I decided. "And if you have a problem with me and Cy, you have to tell me."
"Swear." He let out a contented sigh. "But you should know that we always talked about you. We'd fantasize about ganging up on you, popping your little cherry with two guys, and shit like that. It was never a secret between us that we wanted this to be all of us, but we didn't know how. We didn't think it was possible. There were couples and kink, and that was all anyone talked about."
"Yeah." I knew exactly what he meant. "So, how do you think Cy will take the idea?"
"Pretty sure he's all in." Which was when the alarm on his phone went off, and Ash sat up. "And I'm already pushing that. Vi, I fucked up with him. I hurt him so bad, and I can't just blame him for it."
"You were both wrong," I agreed.
He walked to the dresser and swiped to silence the soft buzzing. "And I know it. The problem is that if I'm going to make this right, it's not going to happen quickly. I'm going to need to push at things, and we'll probably have a few blowups over it, but I swear that I'm trying. I'm pushing him. I'm also pushing myself, because it's easier to walk away than chase what I want."
"What exactly do you want?" I asked him.
"This," he promised. "What I want is to have you, have him, and fall in love with a man who isn't afraid to sucker punch me for your honor. I want to see Southwind full of kids again, glare at the boys when they tell me I can't make them do shit, and hug the little ones when they miss their families. I want to let Leslie run the office and finally get to worry about nothing but designing and photoshoots."
"And then?" I asked.
He glanced at the floor and a sweet smile touched his lips. "Then I'm gonna get bald, Cy will get fat, and Luke will get wrinkled. You'll still be stunning, because you don't know anything else. I dunno, maybe a dog. No, a cat." He slowly looked up. "I want us to be a family, Violet. I want to win it all and then live happily ever after, and I want you and Cy with me when it happens. I kinda think Luke would fit there too. I want to die and have our own rainbow of kids throw neon carnations in my grave, and know the locals are still shitting themselves. And the plots beside me will be Cy on one side, you on the other, and Luke next to you." He headed to the door, but paused before he reached it. "It's a pipe dream. I know it is. But so was becoming a model. So was opening my own clothing line. I'm used to getting what I want, and right now, this is it."
Chapter Forty-Seven
Iwoke up with my arm around a back that was too wide. I could hear my phone going off, but it sounded far away. Cracking my eyes open, I looked down to see Cy curled up against me. His leg was thrown over mine. I could feel his limp dick on the inside of my thigh, could hear his slow breathing - proving that he was still asleep - and he looked beautiful. Sadly, the beeping wasn't stopping on its own.
Slipping out from under him, I snuck out of the bed. The sound was coming from outside the door, so I opened it. My clothes were folded just outside, and my phone was sitting on the top, still beeping away. I cancelled the alarm, then glanced back. Cy hadn't stirred. He still lay exactly where he'd been, half flopped against a body that was no longer there.
My body. I'd spent the night with a man. That had actually happened. I was braced for the fallout that would come afterwards, but I didn't regret it. We'd kissed. We'd fondled. I'd played with his dick, and I'd liked it. The feel of him so hard in my hand? It was amazing, but falling asleep beside him had been even better. It felt right - but everything I knew told me this was wrong.
I grabbed my clothes from the floor and closed the door behind me. Across the hall, Violet's door stood open. Ash lay naked in the bed on the opposite side I usually took. She was on her stomach, draped halfway across him, the sheets pushed down to cover only part of her ass and one of his legs. I watched as his fingers toyed with her pastel hair, and then I realized what that meant. My eyes jumped to his face to find those blue eyes waiting.
He just lifted a finger to his lips. Evidently, I wasn't the only one who'd heard my alarm. Nodding to show I understood, I headed up the hall. I knew where the bathroom was. My old room had been right beside it. I needed a piss and to wash a man off my body before I left this secret sanctuary and headed back to the real world.
