"But it was Vera," Luke said in understanding. "She just waited until your guard was down and slipped right in."
"Yeah, she did," I agreed. "And modeling was the fix for me. Gran told me that I could only go if I promised to eat and not to hurt myself. She warned me that Ash would be watching, and I believed her. She also said that if I broke my word, then she'd come to wherever I was, pull my ass out of the show, and fly me back here and lock me in my room. She gave me a choice, gave me the freedom to chase my own dreams, and didn't beat around the bush about the consequences of messing up."
"Did you?" Luke asked. "Mess up, I mean?"
"Once," Ash said. "I think it was an honest mistake."
"It was," I insisted. "We did three countries in three days. I couldn't keep track of what time it was, let alone what day. I forgot to eat except for once in that time. So, I was about to go on the catwalk, and Ash shoves a candy bar in my face. He said I either eat it or he calls Gran. I ate that bitch faster than you can imagine. Hated myself for it, but I was still in recovery back then."
"Always in recovery," Cy reminded me. "Which is why we give you shit now."
Luke's thumb swept across my scars. "How do I make sure Faith doesn't want to do this?"
I tipped my head at Cy. "You have him figure out what's triggering her. She probably doesn't know herself, Luke. It's not a logical thing. It's a visceral reaction, like flinching when you're startled. It just happens, and the mind doesn't say this happened so do that. It just makes sense at the time. You need to hurt, so you hurt yourself."
He turned to Cy. "I will do anything for her."
Cy reached up to palm the side of Luke's face. "I know. Trust me, we all will. We get it, ok?"
I held my breath. Beside me, I knew Ash was doing the same. That was too intimate of a gesture, and I wasn't sure how Luke would react, but he just ducked his head and breathed out a laugh. But then he glanced back up.
"Sorry," Cy said, pulling his hand away.
For a moment, those two just looked at each other, then Luke pushed himself a step back. "I feel like everyone's staring at me."
"Cuz we are," Ash said. "Cy, I think he needs a demonstration."
"Fuck," Cy shot back. "I think the poor guy is worried about his kid and doesn't need my bullshit."
"Well, I'm down for a demonstration," I teased.
Luke's head snapped over, but Ash just laughed. Then my best friend pushed himself off the wall, aiming right for Cy. I watched as Cy's eyes narrowed, but he didn't step back, not even when Ash moved right before him.
"Thought you weren't kissing me," Cy said softly.
"It's a demonstration," Ash pointed out. "Since we're the only other men in the pool, well, I'm going to need your cooperation."
Cy just stepped closer. "Just a little more salt, huh?"
"No salt," Ash promised, cupping the side of Cy's neck.
That was all it took. Cy shoved forward, crashing his mouth into Ash's, but Ash was pushing back. I swore I could hear the explosion as it happened. There, in the center of the pool, those men kissed each other with the passion of a decade apart. They kissed hard and frantically, and it looked so right.
Luke quietly drifted over to where I still hung on the side of the pool, but he couldn't pull his eyes away. When Ash pressed Cy toward the side, Luke murmured softly. Then he groaned when Cy's back met the wall and Ash kept going. I could hear their breaths. The flashes of their tongues were visible between the gaps in their mouths, but their hands were the best part. They grabbed. They pulled. They grasped at each other like they couldn't stop.
"They're amazing," Luke admitted.
"Yeah," I agreed, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, using him to hold myself up. It also put my face right beside his neck, and my lips by his ear. "There's not a damned thing wrong with that. With all the shit in the world that we have to deal with every day, that? It's what we need more of. I love how time always stops when they touch. How nothing else matters."
"It's how I feel with you," he told me.
"And you can't stop watching," I told him. "Which one would you kiss first?"
"I'll make you a deal," he said, reaching up to palm the arm I had across his chest. "If you kiss Ash, then I'll kiss Cy. I mean, since we were interrupted last time."
"Do I get to watch?" I asked.
He chuckled. "I dunno, do I?"
