And once again, Josie was sullen the minute I arrived, giving me nothing but short sentences and long-suffering sighs.
I was relieved when we got to the weekend. I didn't have to be at the rink on Saturday and I was looking forward to spending the day with my daughter. As grateful as I was to have Evelyn and Peter helping out so much, it was a little hard to get used to having the in-laws in my house every day.
Mostly I was hoping that spending a day together might help Josie thaw out towards me a little bit.
But we didn’t get off to a good start. Josie came downstairs with a pinched look on her face. “Blueberry pancakes,” I told her, holding up a plate. “Syrup or coconut whipped cream?”
She shrugged. I was just getting ready to tell her not to be so rude, when her shoulders hunched and her hands came up to rub at her eyes. I knew what that meant—she didn’t want to cry. Immediately I tuned the griddle off and crossed over to her, crouching in front of her.
“What’s wrong, baby girl?”
She wouldn’t meet my eyes but I could see a world of pain on her face.Damn it.“Can I call Mommy?” she whispered, and my heart felt like it was cracking right in two.
“Of course you can.” I would never stop Josie from calling Chloe, even if I wanted to sometimes. Not because I didn’t want them talking but because I knew how rare it was for Chloe to pickup or call her daughter back. And I wished there was some way to spare my baby from that pain.
Sure enough, she held the phone to her ear for several long moments while it rang, her back to me. She must have gotten the voicemail message because she sniffed a few times then said, “Mommy, it’s me. I miss you a lot. Will you call me? I really miss you.” There was a long pause and I wished I could see her face. Hell, I wished I could take this shit away from her, force Chloe into being the kind of parent who gave a damn.
“I started my new school this week,” Josie whispered. “I like my teacher but…I miss you, Mommy.” Then she hung up without saying goodbye.
She didn’t turn around right away, and I waited, wanting to give her privacy. I watched as her shoulders rose and fell a few times, like she was taking deep breaths. Then she finally turned back to me and walked slowly to the table.
“I would like syrup with my pancakes, please,” she said, her voice completely even, and somehow that was even worse than if she cried.
I tried to keep up a steady stream of conversation while we ate, hoping to distract her. I had been doing some research on the city and I had a whole list of things I wanted to try with her.
“I figure today we can either explore the city or head over to the Botanical Garden. It’s supposed to have really nice walking trails and a waterfall.”
Josie brightened the smallest bit. “A waterfall like the ones we saw in Jamaica?”
“I’m not sure if it’s that big. Want to go check it out with me?”
“Sure.”
I said a silent prayer of thanks that she almost looked excited. It was a hell of a lot better than that awful stoic expression that had been on her face when she got off the phone.
After breakfast I packed us a backpack with water bottles and sunscreen. Josie had the same fair skin as me which meant she was just as prone to sunburn. And neither of us had acclimated to the heat of southern Texas yet. I wondered if my Minnesota blood ever would.
Zilker Botanical Gardens was a bit of a drive from our house. “I have a surprise,” I told Josie once she was all buckled up. I plugged my phone into the car’s speaker and fiddled with it for a moment. Then a voice came over the speakers, introducing the audiobook.
“The Golden Compass?” she asked, looking surprised.
“I know it’s the first one and you’ve already finished it, but I hoped you wouldn’t mind starting over at the beginning with me. I wanted to get caught up.”
She kept her eyes on the window, as was her habit these days, but I was pretty sure I saw the corner of her mouth drift upwards. “I guess that would be okay.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had bought the audiobooks not only so I would understand what she’d been reading, but also to fill the silence in the car during our drive to school every day. It was still weird to me, to be in a car without Josie yammering away. I figured the audiobooks would at least be a distraction.
“I was going to check the books out of the library,” I told her. “But you know your dad isn’t much of a reader. I thought the audiobooks would be easier for my big dumb brain.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can read just fine, Daddy.”
I couldn’t hide my grin. Victory.
“Okay, so this Pan guy is an animal?” I asked when we climbed out of the car several minutes later.
“He takes theformof an animal,” she corrected.
“But he can talk.”
