“I’m not ready for that yet, Dean.” He nods, sitting back, putting much needed space between us. “I understand why you didn’t tell me…” When a flash of hope lights up his blue eyes, I hold up a finger and quickly add, “I don’t know how I can forgive you for keeping something from me that you knew sits so close to my heart.” His face falls so quickly I cringe, looking away from him so I don’t change my mind. Nodding a few times, he drops my hands and pushes to his feet, pausing at the door he looks back at me.
“Get dressed and meet me outside, I want to show you something.” Then he’s gone. I take my time drying off and walk out of the bathroom to a pile of my clothes on the bed. He must have gone back and picked up my trailer while I was sleeping. Slipping on a pair of loose jeans and my baggy Sleep Token shirt, I walk to the front door, finding my boots lined up neatly by the door. I tug them on as I step out on the porch and instantly my jaw drops. It’s like I’m home again. I don’t remember any of the drive here last night, and this morning was spent in a haze in bed. This is the first time I’ve stepped outside that I can fully feel the openness and freedom before me. The breeze makes the long grass wave like the ocean on a breezy day. Tall trees line a dirt road in the distance and cows meander in the field across from the cabin. But what really steals the air from my lungs is the vibrant red and orange painting the sky. The colors streak across an endless sky, blending into each other before dipping below the horizon.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Dean rounds the porch with Queen's lead in one hand and Ghost’s in the other. He’s changed into a pair of dark wash jeans that mold to his thick thighs and ass like they were made specifically for him. A signature black teehugs his broad chest and wide shoulders, giving me a glimpse of those tattooed arms that only a day ago were wrapped around my body. A fresh wave of tears spills over and down my cheeks as I race down the wood steps and crash into Queen’s chest. Her velvet nose bumps my shoulder, holding me back. “Thought you’d like to go for a ride.” His voice is so close I can feel the heat of him on my back. Wiping tears from my face, I grab the rope from his hands, careful not to make contact with him. He chuckles, shaking his head turning towards Ghost. I guide Queen over to the steps so I can easily climb on her bare back, nothing but a small wool blanket laying across her back. Dean does the same and we quickly mount our best friends who have each been there for us in our darkest moments. I lay across Queen’s back and run a hand over her shoulder. She’s been recently brushed and a couple braids have been carefully intertwined in her mane. Looking back over my shoulder, Dean quickly looks away from us. His jaw firmly set, his eyes looking out over the acres before us. I can’t look away from him and that damn black cowboy hat he’s pulled over his brow.
“Where to?” I ask, sitting up and pulling the lead rope into my lap. He simply lifts a hand and motions in front of us.
“Wherever the hell you feel like going,” he says with a shrug, earning him a smile. Those stormy eyes roam over me for a moment before he says with a wink, “Careful, darlin’. You look like you’re rethinking those rules you made for us.”
Giving him a dramatic eye roll, I say, “I’m thinking I need to make some new ones.” My smile slips off my face when he turns and walks Ghost over to me so close that his leg brushes mine, causing my lungs to stop working.
“Good, I’ve been wanting to add one myself.” His voice is so low it makes me tingle.
“Oh yeah?” Tempting him, I lean closer, watching his eyes sweep to my lips and back up to my eyes. “Let’s hear it then.”
My heart jumps out of my chest when he puts his mouth against my ear and murmurs darkly, “You will end up with me, Hannah Harlow.” His tongue sweeps along the shell of my ear, making my skin break out in goosebumps. “Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but one day soon, you will be mine again.” My eyes drift closed at the promise his filthy mouth holds. And then he’s gone, pushing Ghost into a fast trot, leaving me in a cloud of dust and rethinking everything that’s holding me back from chasing him down and pulling him back into bed.
dean
The poundingsound of Queen coming up behind me matches the erratic beats of my heart. God, getting so close to her again, teasing her, reeling her in, and riling her up was a mistake. It made me feel hopeful again. The way her cheeks flushed, her chest rising heavily the closer I got to her, I’ll be thinking about that in the shower later tonight. From the corner of my eye, I see Hannah catch up to us, her wild hair billowing around her, the afternoon sun causing shades of red to tint her chocolate color. I pull back on Ghost's lead a bit, making him slow and let Queen pass us. He jerks his head, clearly unhappy that I’ve made him give up his lead. Patting his neck, I rub my hand up and down a few times until he relaxes and settles into a quick walk. From my place behind them, I can’t help but grin as Hannah’s head is on a swivel, taking in every detail around her. Even in the heat of summer, the pastures stay a healthy shade of green, the tall grass we ride through brushing against the bottom of my boots. I look ahead and see the break in the fence line that leads into the south pasture. Clicking my tongue, I push Ghostback onto a fast trot, not wanting to miss seeing Hannah’s face when she reaches the top of the next hill.
I slip my phone from my pocket just in time to catch Hannah jerk the rope back and stop Queen so quick I almost fly by them both. I tap my thumb on the screen over and over, capturing the way her mouth hangs open, her beautiful brown eyes misting over in tears. The sun behind her makes it look like she’s fuckingglowing. She turns to me, and I quickly take one more photo before slipping my phone back in my pocket.
“I’m…speechless.” Her soft voice floats over me. And I turn towards the field below us, taking in everything like it’s my first time, too. The hill we sit on rolls gently down into a field completely covered in bright orange wild flowers. They seem to stretch on for miles before they disappear into the shadows of the grove of trees that line the far side. It’s my mom’s favorite place on the ranch, and anytime she went out for a ride, this is where we knew we'd find her.
“Pretty amazing, isn’t it?” I look over at her, resting my hands on my thighs. When she turns to me, I’m met with those same deep brown eyes that I fell for years ago when she swept into my life like a tornado without even knowing it.
“How could you ever leave this place?” Her question hits me in the chest, and I have to hide behind the brim of my hat before I can look back at her.
“Come with me,” I say, turning Ghost down the hill and winding through the wild flowers. She doesn’t question me, and after a brief pause, I hear her talking softly to Queen as they follow us down into the field. When I find a flat spot, I jump down from Ghost, giving his nose a pat before tugging the rope free and sliding the blanket off his back. Then I turn, reaching up for Hannah with both hands. I peek up at her, her lip tucked between her teeth as if she’s questioning everything about me. Then with an eye roll, she throws her leg over and slides into myarms. The moment my hands grip her waist she lets out a sharp gasp, eyes flying to mine.She feels it, too.This hold we have on one another.
Hannah shoves out of my arms, busing herself with Queen’s rope and blanket, laying it down next to mine on the ground. Taking a seat on one of the blankets, I motion for her to sit by me, patting the blue and green printed wool blanket next to me. Huffing in annoyance, she bends down, yanks the blanket a good foot away, and plops down on the ground, pulling a piece of grass from the soft dirt and twisting it around her fingers.
“Fair enough,” I say. My mouth has suddenly gone dry. “But I want to lay it all out there, no more secrets.” I wait for her to respond, but she just stares out at the flowers before us, watching as Ghost and Queen meander through the orange and green field. With a sharp nod of her head, I lean back on my elbows and start from the beginning. I told her all about how I loved watching my dad ride, how it made my skin itch with excitement every time I saw him fly out of those gates. How that itch turned into an obsession that I couldn’t stay away from. But also how it scared me to death of the image of my brother hoping up on a bull or bronc. She peeks over at me when I tell her how I thought I was doing right by Owen to push him away from the sport, but in turn just ended up pushing my family away. By the time I get to the dinner I had with my parents the other night, she’s shifted towards me, facing me and eyeing me carefully. I’m proud that I haven’t broken down in tears at this point, that I can finally talk about my mistakes with a sense of ownership instead of shame and guilt.
“You did what you thought was best,” she says softly, reaching for my hand. I meet her half way, twisting our fingers together and staring at how perfect her hand looks in mine. “Doesn’t mean it was right,” she whispers, pulling away quickly like she just realized we were touching. “But you did whatyou thought needed to be done to save everyone more pain.” Nodding, I look back out at the sinking sun. “We should get back.” Hannah sighs, standing and dusting off her jeans. Closing my eyes, I feel my stomach roll with nerves, unsure of what to say next. Knowing that I have her right here, in my home no less, but still so far from being mine makes me nauseous. Before she makes it two steps, I jump to my feet and lunge for her, pulling her back by her forearm and spinning her into my chest.
Our eyes linger for what feels like years, heavy breaths coming out hot and heavy. “I’m so sorry, darlin’. For everything. I never meant to hurt you.” I squeeze my eyes shut and hold her arms tightly in my hands, “You have to believe that.” Peeking down at her, I watch those dark, coffee colored eyes flutter over my face. One second they cloud with hurt another they flare with heat. “Fuck, baby. I love you.” I’ve admitted that to her before, but now that we’re in the middle of the fire that tests everything we’ve been building over the summer, it feels like I’m saying it for the first time. “I love you, darlin’.” My voice wobbles with emotion, but she doesn’t pull away. Leaning in a fraction, I look into her eyes, waiting for her to resist, but she doesn’t. I reach up and pinch her chin between my thumb and index finger, tipping her mouth up to meet mine. Our lips brush and she lets out a whimper before I close the distance and swallow her moans. It’s fire, pure agony that I’ve gone such a short time without her lips on mine.
Hugging her to my body, I let my hands drift from her back down to her ass, kneading it in my palms before gripping her tightly and yanking her against me. I know she feels how hard I am for her by the way her hips rock against me. I dip down, grabbing her thighs and hauling her up, her legs hooking behind my back. We kiss like we’ve been starved of each other for years, our hands in a constant battle to see who can hold on to who thetightest. Each swipe of my tongue inside her mouth causes her to rock against my hard on and moan into my mouth.
“Fuck, Hannah,” I pant against her lips.
“We should stop.” She pulls away an inch, eyes scanning my face, but her voice sounds anything but convinced.
Shaking my head, I say, “No, we shouldn’t.” Bringing her back to me, I suck and lick down her neck until I pull her skin into my mouth, no doubt leaving marks behind.Good. I don’t want her to forget what my lips feel like on her skin. I stumble backwards, dropping down onto my knees, holding her against me. Her fingertips scratch over the hair on my jawline, working up over my ears. My black cowboy hat knocks into her forehead and she huffs in irritation before pulling it off my head and setting it on her own. “You know what that means, don’t you?” My lips brush against her skin, working my way down her collarbone and to the neckline of her shirt.
Shaking her head slightly from side to side, I pause, choosing to grip her hips tightly as I look up at her, the setting sun making the silhouette of her in my hat glow above me. I lick up the side of her throat, feeling her pulse pound beneath her soft skin. “It’s bad luck to wear someone else's hat.” She smiles at me, knowing all along the lore behind putting another hat on your head. I pull her hips up and down over my lap, making her toss her head back, letting out a soft moan. “But you already knew that, didn't you, darlin’?” Even biting her lip can’t hide the hint of a smile ghosting her face. “You know what happens to liars?” Lifting her off me, I spin around, tossing her back down on the blankets we left behind us. My hat tips back, but I catch it and slide it over my own head before leaning down, resting my weight on my forearms and caging her in. “They get punished.”
“It’s a nice hat.” Hannah wiggles underneath me, shrugging her shoulders slightly.
“Turn over.” Her eyes blaze, watching me as she slowly rolls over, lifting her ass into the air. Those jeans doing nothing to cool the possessive fire raging inside me. I let my hands roam over her legs and up her arched spine, stopping to grip her neck while I lean in and whisper darkly in her ear, “Unless you ride the cowboy who wears that hat, it ain’t yours.” I groan as her back presses against me, teasing me and stoking the embers to life deep inside me. “That means…” I sit back on my heels, rearing my hand back and letting it land with a sharp smack against the right side of her denim clad ass. She pulls from my grasp, dropping her head down to the blanket, letting out a sigh of pleasure. “You’re mine,” I hiss, landing another palm on the other side.
One minute I think I’ve got her back, convinced her that I’ll never lie to her again. I’d finally gotten her under me one more time and had no intentions of ever letting her go. The moment I spoke those last two words it felt as if a bucket of ice water was dumped over us. The tension that just seconds ago sat heavy and thick between us, severed leaving a sense of awkwardness in its place. Her body stilled beneath me, and I watched in painful agony as she ran a hand through her hair, then slid out and stood quickly. Her hands trembled slightly when she grabbed the blanket off the ground, then took a few steps to the side to pluck the rope for Queen out of the dust. Hannah didn’t say one word to me as I watched over my shoulder while she walked through the wildflowers towards our horses, munching contently a few yards away.
My mind raced with what to do, what to say to get back to where we were. But I turn and sit down, watching this woman I’ve fallen so madly in love with, run her hands along each horse, whispering softly to them before laying the blanket along Queen’s back and fastening the rope over her muzzle. I contemplate getting up and walking over to help her get on theback of Queen, but she silently puts me in my place by gracefully pressing one knee against the solid hip of her horse and pushing off the ground at the same time. She doesn’t spare me one glance, just turns Queen and rides off into the sunset, up and over the hill, disappearing down the other side.
Slowly gathering my things, I stalk towards Ghost, his head popping up from the grass. He gives me an angry huff as I get closer. “What are you upset about?” Stopping, I slap the wool blanket against my thigh, sending a cloud of dust into the air. He eyes me heavily before shaking his mane at me as I loop the rope around his soft nose. “I don’t need you mad at me too, you’re supposed to be on my side,” I mutter, bending down and ripping a handful of bright orange wildflowers from the dirt. I gently tuck them under the front of the blanket, their happy faces peeking out at me as I place both hands on Ghost's back and jump off the ground, propelling myself upwards as I throw out a leg and shift onto his back.
