“You’re unhinged,” I whisper as I shove my fingers into the gloves.
“Brothers who murder together stay together,” he says with a shrug. “Hell of a bachelor party, Dean. I’m honored.” He slaps a hand against his chest, pretending to faint.
“Crazy fucker.” Groaning at the effort it takes to roll this guy into the tarp, I give Owen a wink.
I watch the tarped up man disappear with a sick satisfaction as Owen slams the tailgate closed, the trifold top covering the tightly wrapped body from view. I’m still watching when Owen’s phone rings. He tugs his gloves off, folding them into each other before pulling his phone to his ear.
“Hey, yeah. My brother got sloshed at Calico, can you and Paulie pick up his truck and take it up to the ranch?”
His eyes flash to mine before he replies, “Yep, that brother.” His eyebrows jump at me a few times and I flip him the bird before turning to face him, putting my back to the man in the tarp. I watch my brother, tipping my head to the side while I study the way he carries himself as he tucks his phone away and takes a step in my direction. The way he holds himself is filled with confidence and self-assurance. Like nothing in the world could knock him over. I envy him for that. He stops short when he catches me staring.
“Shit, do I have some blood on me somewhere?” he asks quietly, lifting his boots to inspect the bottom of each one by one.
Smiling, I reach out and grip his shoulder. “Nah. Just wondering why after all these years you’re still as ugly as the day I left ya.” His face falls flat and he gives a humorous laugh before shaking me off him.
“Leave your keys on your tire, some of the ranch hands will be here in ten.” Then he turns his back to me, calling over his shoulder. “It’s been a while, follow me and I’ll take you home.” Shaking my head, I jog over to my truck and place my keys onthe top of my driver's side tire, then make my way quickly back to Hannah’s truck. Before I slide into the driver's seat, I watch Owen finish pouring the last bit of liquid out of a jug over the blood I left behind. As he screws the cap back on he walks over to the dirt that lines the parking lot and with the side of his boot kicks a pile into the mixture. He spends a minute rubbing the asphalt with the toe of his dusty boots before returning to his truck. He tosses the empty jug back in his EMS bag reaching inside and coming back out with a couple water bottles. He holds them in his hands and empties the water over the patch. I watch as the puddle that was thick with blood moments ago runs off into the dirt, looking like someone couldn’t hold their piss any longer. While Owen climbs in his truck I turn to check on Hannah. Her face is pale, but her breathing is steady, lips slightly parting with each exhale. I grip the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles pop. What would have happened if I didn’t get here when I did? Thoughts of her perfect body being used in such a horrifying way makes me want to track down his friend and put him in the same hole as the man no doubt rolling around in the bed of my brother's truck with every turn.
No matter how long I stayed away, I could make this drive in my sleep. Everything looks just as it did when I drove in the opposite direction five years ago. The impending doom I thought I’d feel crossing over the cattle guard that signals the entrance onto the ranch never comes. I slow as we pass under theGreen HavenRanchsign secured to two large wooden posts on either side of the drive. It’s been years since I’ve seen those words, but they have never felt more true than they do at this moment.Haven.I hope that Hannah wakes up in the morning and we can work everything out. I hope she loves this place as much as I do. But more than anything, I hope she gives me a second chance.
A couple hours later, the sky starts to materialize into hues of purple and orange as the rising sun pokes up behind themountains. Owen and I toss the last shovel of dirt over the freshly filled hole and collapse onto our backs. We discarded our shirts long ago, the night air doing nothing to cool the sweat pouring over our backs while we dug a hole a solid ten feet deep. Owen wanted to stop at six, but this fucker deserved a deeper grave than that, so he watched on as I flung pile after pile of soft black dirt over the edge. Even after the long night, Owen still found his humor by letting me sit in the dark hole for a solid minute while he smiled down at me, threatening to leave me unless I professed my undying love for him. I drew the line at admitting to him that he was, in his words,the more handsome Wilder brother.
We laid there until the clouds dissipated and the blisters on our palms stopped stinging. We let the heat wash over us while he told me more about Vivi and the wedding. They plan to get married at the country club a few miles down the road. Then he asked me about Hannah, and I told him all about how she’d chipped away at my walls until she had enough room to crawl inside and tame my wild heart. A silence falls over us after a while, the world starting to wake up around us. I look over at my brother, arms crossed behind his head. The morning light frames his profile and I take in the man that he’s become, the guilt that I’ve tried so hard to lock away begins to resurface. I missed so much of his life, memories and moments that I’ll never get back. All because I was too selfish to admit I was wrong, too thick headed to recognize my mistakes and take accountability. I think that’s part of the reason I didn’t tell Hannah about them. I was embarrassed, afraid that she’d see me as just another person who would run out of her life.
“Did you forget I’m a promised man? You’ve been staring at me quite a lot lately.” Owen’s voice breaks me from my spiraling thoughts. It’s deeper than I remember when I left, but beneath that baritone I still pick up his humor laced in each word.
Sitting up, I place my elbows on my knees, letting my hands hang between them. “Why aren’t you angry with me?” I can’t even make myself look at him, the weight of his eyes on me making me feel smaller than I ever have.
“Do you want me to be angry with you?” I hear him shift in the dirt across from me, flinching at the sound of his hands slapping together to clear the dirt from his palms. “What good has that ever done?” he mutters more to himself than to me.
“I left you.” Finally, I lift my chin and look over at my brother, his eyes looking at the ground beneath him. “Left Mom and Dad.” I choke on the words. “I guess I expected I’d need to fight to have y’all back at some point.”
“You want us to make it hard for you, is that it?” Owen’s voice rises just a bit. “Give you a reason to leave again?” He jumps to his feet, pacing back and forth while his hands leave dirt scattered through his hair. “You don’t think we’ve all been angry, that we all have wanted to lay into you and make you feel a small piece of the pain you caused us over the years?”
I don’t move, don’t stand to argue with him. My ass stays planted in the dirt while I let him have it out. “Yeah, Owen.” He stops suddenly, turning to face me. “That’s what I want.”
“Fuck you, Dean!” he shouts, closing the distance between us with wide strides. “I’m not gonna let Mom and Dad do that. It has killed me every single day to see them hurting over the years you’ve been gone. But if you want someone to have it out with you…” I look up at the sound of his hand slapping against his bare chest. “Then here I am. I’m not a kid anymore, and I’ll give you what you dish out big brother.”
Standing, I walk up to him, but instead of giving him a fight, I pull him into me, “Tell me how you feel, please. I can’t forgive myself until I know exactly how I made you feel.” Owen’s body stills in my arms, his chest heaving heavily.
“I have forgiven you, Dean. Honestly, I have. I miss the time we didn’t get together, but I’m just content with having you here now.”
“I know you’ve forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself.” Letting those words out feels like an admission I didn’t know was holding me down.
“Dean…” Owen pulls from my grasp and takes a step back, then sits back down pulling a blade of grass from beside him and twisting it around his finger. “I hated being the only one here, the only one at Sunday dinners and Christmas. I hated holding that burden that I’d be the son to show up and care for our parents.” I take a seat next to him, our knees resting against each other. “I was angry at you every time something would happen that I wished I could text or call you about. But I knew I’d never get a response.” I let my heart bleed while he talks, knowing that once we get it out in the open, the breeze will take it away and I’ll never have to wonder again if he’s really gotten it all off his chest. “I think there will always be a small part of me that will be waiting for you to do it again.” We turn to look at each other, letting the honesty hang between us.
Nodding my head, I reach around him and pull him into my side, just like I did when we were kids. “I promise you, Owen, I’m here now. I won’t make the same mistakes again.”
When the heat became uncomfortable, we loaded up in his truck and made the short drive down the mountain to one of the multiple cabins spread out across the ten acres that has been in my family for generations. I stare out the window as pines and junipers tower over us. Rolling my window down, I lean out, breathing in the smell of the trees and fresh air. The green pastures roll by us in a sea of waving grass that stretches on for miles. I’ve ridden every hill and trail dotted across this ranch, and for the first time in five years, my mind seems to quiet andmy heart feels peace unlike any it’s known, except when I’m at Hannah’s side.
Owen parks the truck in front of the cabin and sits back in his seat. I turn to him and then face forward, afraid that if I look at him I’ll cry all over again. Fucking emotions. I need to bottle them back up. So I take a minute and take in the cabin that was always in a way, mine. My parents designated a cabin for each of us when we turned eighteen. Said that if we ever needed somewhere to run to, it better be to home. The honey colored wood looks like it’s been freshly stained. A couple Adirondack chairs sit on the small front porch with a pot of overflowing flowers between them. “They’ve kept it like this since you left,” Owen mumbles, twisting his hands in his lap. He opens his mouth to say more, but I blurt out an overly loud, “Thank you.” I wince at that ball of gratitude once again clogging my throat. “I hope I didn’t make you late for work or take you away from Vivi, she’s probably pissed at me.”
He lets out a bark of a laugh before resting his forearm over the steering wheel and shifting in his seat, his eyes on my profile. “I don’t go back on shift for two more days. Vivi is on a girls’ trip to Nashville with her book club or some shit.” Running a hand over his dirt smudged face, he asks me, “Hannah, she’s important to you?”
I roll my head to the side giving him ano shitlook. “She’s it for me,” I whisper, staring ahead at the window that looks into the master bedroom. Knowing she’s laying just beyond that wall has me itching to get inside and see her. Owen chuckles before pulling out his phone and scrolling through his texts. I watch a smile tug at his lips as he types out a reply. When I don’t turn to leave he snaps his head in my direction and motions to the cabin. “Get the fuck out, I need to call my woman.” Tossing my hands up in defeat, I step out of the truck, turning to close the door. “I’ll be in when I’m done here, I’d like to make sure she’salright,” he says with a wave of his hand. I want to argue, but I concede with a nod of thanks before making my legs take long strides towards the happy yellow door.
hannah
The warm fragrantsmell of freshly brewed coffee stirs me from the most comfortable bed I’ve ever laid in. Even though my body feels like it’s been run over by a semi and my eyes itch like they’ve been dragged through sand, I relish in the soft sheets and fluffy comforter. Letting out a loud groan, I try to shift onto my back, but instantly regret moving when a wave of nausea washes over me, causing me to let out another loud huff. There is a clatter in the kitchen before heavy footsteps pound down the hallway and stop at the closed door. I don’t dare open my eyes, hoping to wait out the dizziness. A soft click sounds and then the bed dips, and I know without even looking that Dean’s by my side. His smell instantly makes my anxiety nosedive and my body relaxes at his sheer proximity. No matter how angry I am with him, I can’t deny that we’re pulled together in the most potent way.
