Just so you know, I plan on working ridiculously hard to deserve you.
I’m so blessed you’re in my life.
Some days, I think my grandma might have sent you directly to me, knowing just how badly I needed you even when I didn’t know it, and how badly I need you now when I’m fully aware of it.
You’re absolutely perfect. Whether you believe me or not doesn’t make it less true.
You’re a total boss.
You’re brilliant. You’re funny. And you blow me away with how many great ideas you have.
It goes on and on. There hasn’t been a time when I’m not half embarrassed and utterly amazed. I make sure I tell him how I feel. There’s no more stuffing it down. Just pouring it out.
I thought this life would be hard. I couldn’t picture how a bridge would look between our two worlds, but day by day, Wilder has done everything in his power to build it.
When he announced last month that he was dating someone, but she preferred to remain anonymous, he asked people to respect my privacy. I wasn’t sure it would work, and I agonized over the announcement, but I didn’t want to hide. I didn’t want to force Wilder to keep us a secret and then be outed eventually. It would have happened one day. At least this way, we have control over our future. We dictate the terms. People have been surprisingly supportive and respectful. The majority have been so sweet, surprising the heck out of me by expressing how happy they were for both of us, and wishing us the best.
No one has tried to dox me.
Our house is still a place of peace.
We get to have a life.
Wilder has been in therapy for months. He phoned a lady in San Francisco whom my mom recommended, and he’s been seeing her once a week. He wasn’t sure about it at first, but after a few sessions, he relaxed and started to make small changes.
Last week, he booked a doctor’s appointment at a private clinic. Just for a checkup. I offered to go with him, but he assured me he was okay. He appreciated my support, but it was something he felt he needed to do alone.
He did want me to wait in the car in the parking lot, though, just in case he changed his mind and needed a getaway car.
He didn’t.
He was shaking when he came out, but within ten minutes, he’d calmed himself down. There was no panic attack.
I was so proud of him, but the most important thing was that he was proud of himself. He knows he still has a long way to go, but we’ll get there.
With his phobia of doctors.
With the band. Matt is playing the guitar in a heavy metal group. He replaced their guitarist, who quit the band because his mom was aging, and he wanted to take care of her. They’re an established band that has been around for decades, and this isn’t the first band member they’ve changed out. Matt’s been a welcome addition. Wilder follows the band, and we’ve both enjoyed seeing how much Matt has grown as a musician.
He’s grown as a person too. He doesn’t have time to call often, but at least once a month, he and Wilder talk on the phone. Matt’s living in Germany now, and we’ve been trying to find time to get out there and see his new house. Hopefully, we’ll be able to go soon. I know how much that would mean to Wilder, but the effort Matt’s made to repair their friendship already means the entire freaking world.
Jameson and Luke haven’t reached out yet, but they talk to Matt. Jameson is giving private music lessons in New York, and Luke moved to Chicago and plays piano at a high-end club there.
No one even knew he could play, so that was a big shock to everyone.
Matt doesn’t say anything just for the sake of being nice, so when he told Wilder a few months ago that he’s sure, with time, Jameson and Luke will come around in their own time, we believed him.
No one knows if Wilder’s Peril will make music or come together as a band again. It still hasn’t been made clear if the break is permanent, but fans know there’s going to be some significant downtime. Yes, that did disappoint people, butas the months passed, most of that frustration has turned to understanding.
Wilder’s not afraid of being forgotten. He knows he never will be, and he’s okay with being replaced. To him, Wilder’s Peril was about sharing his gifts. He knows he can do that in other ways, and he’s going to.
He started his own label right after our trip to Reno. It’s been a lot of work to get everything set up, but he’s hoping to sign his first artist within the next few months.
He also sold his house here in Sonoma. He spends most of his time here, but we’ve also traveled. He knows so many people that it sometimes blows my mind, and they all seem to have multiple properties. We’ve stayed in everything from large houses to tiny cabins, and I’ve met so many amazing people. Friends and acquaintances of Wilder. They’re all in the industry in some way. Some of them are a little hard and jaded, and some of them love the rockstar life. However, most of them are just regular people with a passion for music. They have families. Kids. It’s been wonderful getting an inside glimpse into the life they’ve built. They’ve balanced fame with privacy, they’ve lived their dreams on stage, and they’ve also made room for the dreams of their heart.
“Are you thinking about how amazing my morning breath is, or are you tunneling into yourself at the horrid shock of it?”
I swat Wilder’s chest playfully. He lifts Pumpkin from between us, kisses his fuzzy orange head, and sets him down on the floor.
