The back door of the car flies open, and the old man hurtles into the backseat.
I lock the doors and peel away as soon as he slips his seatbelt on and tucks the top part behind him so he can remain hunched down.
I can’t speak for a few blocks. My heart is hammering right up in my throat. “I hope no one saw that.” Hiding out in a park in the guise of a senior citizen is exactly the kind of attention Wilder doesn’t need, especially after the past few weeks he’s had.
Maybe a few people would understand, with the band being under such intense scrutiny after news of the breakup, but there are so many others who would make up stories about him going off the deep end, straight into a pre-midlife crisis.
Wilder peeks around the passenger seat and up above the middle console.
“Maybe just lay low for a few more minutes until I’m out of the city.” It’s going to be more than a few minutes to get out of downtown Sonoma, and Wilder is wearing one of those synthetic masks made to look like real skin with the features painted on. I reason he’s probably had it on for a while, and ten to fifteen more minutes isn’t going to kill him.
The mask has a strange odor that reaches me up front, but it’s quickly drowned out by the familiar scent of Wilder himself. No get-up is going to disguise the clove, cedar, and mint scent that so perfectly mixes with his body chemistry. It’s strong in the car and has the end result of driving me nearly feral.
Once we’re out on the freeway, he sits up in the backseat. He throws the fedora aside and yanks at the mask. It makes a wet sucking sound as it gives. It’s more than a little creepy, given that the eye holes and mouth hole suction off, and then a whole lifelike neck wobbles under the thing.
“That’s uh… sort of haunting.” I turn my eyes back to the road to keep from looking at it. But I do compromise and allow myself a few glances back in the rearview mirror at Wilder’s lovely face. He’s a bit red from being under the mask, but just as beautiful asever. “You’re not, though. I’m really glad to see you. Likereallyglad.”
Wow. This is totally me going utterly speechless, getting sweaty in the underarm, and wet and bothered in the panties. Real-time me is not the me who had endless hours of thoughtful, introspective pining behind the songs I wrote. I think, given the weeks we’ve had, it’s natural to run out of words and get sort of choked up.
I might not have the words, but I’m smiling too big. Foolishly. The people passing us probably think I’m kind of batty in here, grinning wide enough to split my face. For all they know, I’m listening to raunchy smut audiobooks in here, and that’s why I’m grinning. Or a comedy podcast. Grinning while driving is perfectly acceptable, actually.
“I missed you,” I breathe, my smile dropping away. The air sucks out of my lungs and out of the whole car.
“I missed you too. I missed your easy smile. I miss the way you bring light into any room. Even in the middle of the day, there’s always space to get brighter. I missed how when you’re with me, everything feels like it’s going to be okay, even if it’s a complete mess. And not because you’re a fixer and a nurturer and a nurse by trade. But because you’re you, and you have sunny, happy, and delicious pheromones.”
“I’m not sure that’s been scientifically proven,” I say.
“How’s Woof Woof Dog? And the cats?”
My smile creeps back, growing with every second. It’s sweet he’d think about them, and even sweeter that he’d ask in such a way that it’s clear he wants to hear the answer.
“They’re fine.” My hands tighten on the wheel. “How are you? Really?” I should stop saying the word really. It’s such a shit word.
He waits a beat before answering. It’s perfectly cool in the car. Unlike my classic coupe, this thing has air conditioning beyondunrolling the windows. But it doesn’t matter. I start sweating until my T-shirt clings damply to my body.
“Truly? I’m tired in every way. I haven’t slept much.”
I want to pull the car over, but he squeezes my shoulder like he can hear my thoughts. A fiery tingle shoots through my body like I accidentally brushed up against a whole herd of hairy caterpillars. In a good way. Also? I know caterpillars don’t travel in herds. Do they? Because that would be so freaking cute. And terrifying.
“I’ll just lie back for a bit here, and I’ll be okay. Losing a few hours of sleep hasn’t ever stopped me yet, and it’s not going to prevent me from absolutely treasuring every single minute I spend with you in Reno and along the way.”
Splop.There goes my heart, falling down to my feet. It would be easy for Wilder to turn on the natural-born charm or fall back on the flirty rockstar persona he’s perfected over the years, but this is just him. Honest. Open. Raw. He’s tired, but he’s also excited. He just had a few weeks of hell, but he wants this. He made an effort to make this trip a reality for us because he cares. He wanted this, and I’m honored I can be his safe place.
“You don’t have to just lie back. Sleep if you can. It’s not the biggest car, and I don’t imagine it will be comfortable, but if you start now, you can get about four decent hours.”
“That’s incredibly boring for you.”
“I like incredibly boring if it helps you feel better,” I say honestly.
“I’ll just close my eyes. Even that would help. They feel like I accidentally sprayed myself with lemon juice while trying to make that frozen cream lemonade everyone is talking about.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“We’ll have to give it a go.”
“I really enjoyed the last time we cooked,” I say. Really? Really. That word needs to drop straight out of my vocabulary.
Fucking. Internal. Sigh.
