She should work in criminal justice. She’s worked it all out within seconds.
“You have to take vitamins,” she says.
I’m not thinking about the practicalities at this moment.
“You can share my room, but you have to get up with the baby at night. You’re not going to tell him you got knocked up, right? That would be so gross. He’s too old to be a dad.”
Another fear hits me. If Sam finds out I am pregnant, he will lock me up and never let me go. I am certain of it. And if I can be kidnapped by randoms, then the baby could be too. What the fuck am I going to do?
“Ugh! I’m so jealous!” Serenity exclaims. “You’re going to have an actual baby. I should get pregnant too, then we can have babies together.”
“Serenity, please don’t.”
“Yeah, you wouldn’t like me taking the attention. I’d probably have a cuter kid than you,” she says. “But yours will be cute. You’re pretty, and the guy, I guess would have been hot when he was a reasonable age.”
“He’s in his thirties,” I say. I don’t want to defend Sam, but Serenity is acting like he’s practically dead.
“Hislatethirties,” she says with a tone so damning I can’t help but laugh. This is all so fucked. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Fortunately, at that moment, Mom calls for help. The kids are having a day off school for one reason or another. Strike, maybe, or some kind of teacher only day. Anyway, they need to be watched because they have a habit of getting into everything and anything.
I’m sitting at the kitchen table with the kids and Mom, having some snacks and forgetting about my worries. Dinner is being made. The little kids have some plain spaghetti to tide them over, but we’re going to be having meatballs for the main event. Mom is telling me about a video she saw online, one I’m pretty sure I’ve seen, but hearing her describe it is fun.
“Look what I found!”
Eternity throws the pregnancy tests on the table. She’s gone through the trash in the bathroom and identified some objects she hasn’t seen before. Now she wants us all to weigh on what they are.
My mom stares, then looks up at me and my older sisters. “Which one of you…” she says. “Eternity, wash your hands. Now.”
She gets up and helps Eternity wash her hands. Meanwhile, the tests just sit on the table, way too close to the chips. “Which one of you?” Mom repeats.
“It’s me, Mom,” Serenity says. “I’m pregnant.”
Mom swings around fiercely. “You better be fucking kidding me…”
“They’re mine,” I say, intervening in Serenity’s silly little joke before my mom goes through the roof. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant?” My mom stares at me. Sasha gets up, goes to the pantry, and starts putting chocolate cookies into her pockets, because she knows nobody is paying any attention to what she is doing right now.
Mom releases Eternity, who climbs up onto the table, noting that Sasha is eating. The twins are unmoved by and disinterested in this revelation. They are also fist-deep in spaghetti. I wish I could be as unbothered, but my solving problems by diving into spaghetti days are probably over.
“You were going to finish school. You were going to…” Her voice cracks a little. I know she’s trying to fight disappointment. My mom is thirty-eight. She got pregnant with me in her last yearof high school. She always wanted more for me, and I always wanted to do more for her.
“I’m still going to do all of that, Mom,” I promise her. “Don’t worry.”
“Yeah! I’ll babysit!” Eva offers.
“No. I will babysit,” Serenity replies.
“Well, I’m not babysitting,” Mom says. “You knew better than to do this to yourself.”
That hits me right in the gut. I didn’t do it to myself. It was done to me. On fucking purpose. And now it’s my fault?
I turn around and leave the room.
I can hear my mom calling John as I go. She has him on speaker phone, so I can hear their conversation.
The sound of the road comes through loud on her phone.
