“I won’t?”
“No, it’s completely out of your system. But I’m here because it makes Sam feel good and making Sam feel good is an integral part of staying intact.”
I can’t quite tell if he’s joking or not. He does have a very deadpan sense of humor. I do think Sam is worried about people coming for me again. I don’t know who, and I don’t know why, because apparently they just drugged me and did absolutely nothing to me.
“What is his deal?” I ask the doctor.
“Samuel’s deal?”
“Yes.”
“What are you really asking?” He asks me the question while his little dog runs around the kitchen in a chaotic sort of way. I like the way dogs make places feel alive even when the place is mostly empty.
“Is he a psychopathic murderer?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
“Oh. Is he going to murder me?”
“He’s put a lot of effort into keeping you alive, so I’d say you have a better than average chance of survival.”
“What else does he do? Is he for hire? Does he work for the government?”
“Sam does what Sam does,” Dr. Black says. “And I’m not saying that just to avoid the question. I don’t know his business. I am sure it runs deeper than I care to imagine, and deeper than you should.”
“So he’s a bad guy.”
“Good and bad are concepts that don’t really apply to Sam. He’s too intelligent.”
“So if you’re smart enough you can do whatever you want?”
“If you’re smart enough, you can’t help but do whatever you want. Rules are like fences. They keep simple animals in. But smart ones, like goats? They go through fences, under fences, over fences.”
“So Sam’s a goat?”
Interesting that Dr. Black went to a farmyard reference. Maybe he’s a country boy at heart. I feel as though I know more about this guy than the one I’ve been in bed with for weeks.
“Sam is whatever he wants to be, and whatever he needs to be,” the doctor says. “I hate to say what I’m about to say, but it’s true and you may as well come to terms with it. There is no escaping him. Not now that he has decided you belong to him.”
A chill goes through me. “That’s a hell of a diagnosis, Doc.”
“It’s the truth, and I’ve always thought it best to tell the truth, even when it is bad news.”
I think I always knew the truth of what he is saying. The moment Sam first came to me, chose me as his, and insisted that I submit to him, it was over. Nothing can save me when it comes to Sam. But nothing can hurt me either.
Unless…
“I’m a pawn now, aren’t I.”
“You’re on the board,” Dr. Black agrees. “But I wouldn’t worry. There’s no benefit to it.”
I snort. He’s so sassy for an underground evil doctor. I have to consider the source of what’s being said to me. The doctor knows more about Sam than I do, but there’s no guarantee he knows more about real life than I do. These people live in an alternate reality, where the rules don’t apply.
But they do apply—right?
At some point, something you do, good or bad, has to matter. There have to be consequences, even for very bad men. But maybe I am being naive. A cursory inspection of history teaches that terrible people quite often end up dying peacefully in their beds of old age. I wonder if I will be warming Sam’s bed decades from now when his time comes. Thinking about that fills me with a sense of melancholy and grief that doesn’t make sense.
The front door opens, and the little interview is over.
