I force a smile. "I… I’ll be fine."
I don't know if I believe that.
But I know one thing:
I cannot keep coming home this drained, this empty, this version of myself around Gabby. Not when she deserves better.
I don't even realize that I'm being roused awake until my eyelids fly open, and I come to the realization that Sarah has beentalking to me, her hand on my chest, rubbing me gently to get me to wake up.
"Wait, what?" I murmur.
"You fell asleep? Wow. Oh my god. This is unacceptable," Sarah exclaims.
"I'm sorry," I mutter.
"Don’t be sorry," she insists.
She looks around quickly, then pulls my wrist, guiding me into another section of the break room where there’s less traffic, fewer people who might notice.
Sarah always looks put-together in a way that doesn’t even seem possible in a place like Helion. Her amber hair, that mix between a dirty blonde and something warmer, is tied into a tight ponytail, but the wavy strands still fall down her back, wild and free, like her. She’s always upbeat, always in good spirits, almost too bright for this building. She’s like a light in this place, and I have to admit it’s nice working around her.
But she also always pays mespecialattention. Too much sometimes. And ever since I set the boundary, I’ve been careful not to give her even an inch. People tend to test boundaries. People tend to override them.
She stands in front of me now, eyes studying me way more closely than any coworker should.
"What's going on with you? I know that you're working very hard," she asks gently.
I exhale, leaning against the table behind me, rubbing the back of my neck. Sarah crosses her arms, waiting, always patient, always watching me.
Maybe it's because I’m very tired, but I notice more details about her face. Her mouth looks like water when she speaks.
She continues, softer now, "I know our work is nonstop. Actually, it's draining. I get that what we’re building is important. It’s important to you. And I get it… you want to give iteverythingyou’ve got. But youhaveto take care of yourself too."
"I'm doing all of this now so I can get a good position in the… mmm so I can get a good position in the company or keep that position later, and that we're working towards something,” I slur tiredly, feeling like I’m about to topple over.
Sarah’s expression tenders.
"Why don't you take a nap in here, and I'll cover for you?" she offers. "Just fifteen minutes. You’re barely staying upright."
I shake my head immediately.
"No. I… um… I appreciate you trying to st… trying to stand in for me, but I can't," I answer tiredly.
And I mean it. Not because I don’t want the break. But because taking it fromherfeels like crossing a line I’ve already warned her not to approach.
"But you can't keep going on like this. You're barely able to stay awake," Sarah says, concern tightening her voice.
"I just need some more coffee," I mutter.
God I sound like the undead.
"I think you've drank about three cups, haven't you?" she asks.
"I think four," I admit.
"I mean let's be honest you're so tired. It's not like we can count on your ability to keep track of anything right now," she teases, smiling.
And I can't help myself, I smile back. Even exhausted, her energy is infectious.
