I want to.
But I don’t.
I start to pack my stuff on my knees, taking one of the other luggage bags I had left. He stands there hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers, standing awkwardly, tired, and almost drunk or hungover. His dark hair is longer and flows into his face a little bit, into his eyes.
“How’ve you been” he asks softly.
I scoff. “Good. Been traveling and enjoying myself, just trying to get away from everything.”
Lincoln nods pensively. “Like a road trip.”
“Yep.”
“Did it help?” he asks, smiling for my benefit, but he looks tired when he does. Despite how haggard he looks, he’s still sexy.
Get it together, girl. We’re not going to sleep with him today.
“It did actually. Met some nice people, had some great experiences,” I say, smiling at him, feeling much brighter than he looks.
His head bows slightly. “I’m glad.”
“How you been,” I ask, watching him shrug his shoulder.
“I mean… you know. So so.” He pauses, and I have no idea what he’s supposed to mean by that. It’s not like it’s my fault he’s in this situation.
“Why? How do I look?” he asks, joking with me, trying to be the guy I always knew before I saw him last in that compromising position.
I purposely grill him up and down, pausing for dramatic effect.
“Like you need a shower,” I quip, turning up my nose while giving him a smile.
“Yep… probably,” he chuckles tiredly.
There’s an awkward silence between us, but he won’t leave the room.
Finishing my packing, I stand up. “I… might come by, or I can send someone by to come pick up the rest of my stuff.”
Lincoln nods and steps back, his lips pressed between his teeth, leaning against the doorway to give me space to pass.
I don’t say anything as I move toward him, fully expecting him to speak first.
“Sorry I blew up your phone,” he finally says.
This makes me pause. Shrugging my shoulder, I hold the bag with both hands in front of me by the strap as it hangs down in front of my knees.
“Why did you do it, Lincoln?”
The question just hangs there for a while. Shaking his head slowly, his lips still folded tightly together, his voice remains hoarse. “I don’t know. I was horny.”
“You were horny,” I say, as if this is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. But now that I know I’ll probably never see him again, I might as well get everything out into the open.
“I was stupid. I gave into temptation. You were right about everything, and I don’t deserve you, and I’m not going to pretend that I do. I’m not going to sit here and cry for forgiveness because I know that you’re not going to forgive me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I… I don’t deserve it.”
He bites his bottom lip, his gaze drifting somewhere above my head before his watery eyes settle back on me. Even though he’s pressed against the doorway, I notice his left leg shaking, just slightly, like his whole body is anxious and trying not to fall apart.
Swallowing, he opens his mouth and hesitates before saying anything. “I thought that… I never imagined that we’d be here… and it’s all my fault.”
“Well I hope she was worth it. You guys can be together now,” I say, knowing full well I’m fishing.
