When he comes home and he says that we're gonna communicate, he's half asleep anyway, so it feels like he doesn't even remember whole conversations that we've had. It's demotivating, and I don't know what to do.
And I don't wanna tell my cousin or my father or any of our old friends because honestly, whenever you include people into your relationship, not everyone has your best interest at heart, especially if they don't have their own relationship or they're miserable people or don't like you. Some people just wanna watch the world burn and destroy things. I know quite a few women who were jealous of me because I bagged Lincoln and men that were probably jealous of Lincoln because he bagged me. There's no way in hell I'm giving anyone that ammunition.
If we need people from the outside to tell us how to work our marriage, then I don't feel like we're gonna make it. Part of being in a relationship is figuring out how to work together, how to love each other enough to work through all the bad times. So that's what I'm gonna attempt to do. I just can't feel like I'm the only one pushing and pulling while he's fighting me at every turn.
I just wanna know how to go about this sensitively. Should I even go about it sensitively, or should I ream him?
Let him know how mad I am.
What if me showing my full range of emotions with how upset I am and disappointed is going to push him farther away if he is pulling away from me? It feels as though me, as the woman, everything is left up to me to not be emotional forhisfeelings while he's walking all over mine.
"Alright. Talk when you get home. Just get home safe."
He hangs up the phone before I even get a chance to tell him I love him. This doesn't sit right with me at all.
The door swings open after clicking. My eyes are immediately drawn to my husband, who looks as though he's not as tired as he usually is coming in at this time. Maybe he had a second or third wind. I stand there in the kitchen, bringing him a cup of warm tea, trying to ease into everything.
"No. I'm okay. I had something earlier," Lincoln says.
"Oh, okay," I whisper.
My whole body is shaking with nerves.
"Lincoln,I—"
“I’m sorry baby. I’ve been holding it for a while. Hold on."
He pushes past me and runs to the bathroom to close the door, then he locks the door.
My husbandneverlocks the door.
"Lincoln?" I call out. I try the door very gently. It is indeed locked. I wasn't just hearing things. I wanna cry right now because what is actually happening?
He didn’t even kiss me. It’s like he didn’t want to be near me.
Walking back to the couch, my body is on fire, so I get up and pace around, noticing that he's spending a lot more time in the bathroom. Is he texting someone? Does he have his phone?
"Okay. You know what?" I mutter.
Right as I'm about to get my things and take a walk outside, he comes out of the bathroom. His hair is wet. His face looks like he just washed it. All I'm thinking is why would he do that?
"Did you wash yourself up in there or something?"
"Yeah. I know it's gonna be a big conversation, and I wanted to be awake for it," he says.
"Baby, sorry. I'm so sorry. I know that that doesn't excuse my behavior, and time got away from me—" he adds.
"Lincoln, you keep saying that, but it's…"
I take a chill as I breathe in.
Gotta stay measured and calm.
"It's almost… it'sbasicallythree o'clock in the morning."
"I know, Gabby, and—"
"No. Please. We need to—"
