Or I would look through Sarah’s social media, where she posed in provocative ways in her posts. I beat off to them so many times trying to convince myself it was superficial, and it was absolutely maddening working so close to this woman and not being able to touch her the way I wanted to.
Having her tease me and say shit to me that I couldn’t stop thinking about even while I was with my wife.
How I looked forward to going to work just so I could see Sarah and be around her and fantasize.
And all of it was lust. Because I never loved Sarah. She was an idea for me.
Even now, after fucking her, I feel so empty. Whenever I would make love to my wife, especially in the beginning, all I wanted to do was stay in bed with her and hold her.
Sometimes she would cry when she was vulnerable, and it would make me want to cry too. This beautiful, gorgeous, regal woman who looked at me with such adoration, who would move the world for me. Who, when I passed out from heat exhaustion that one time we went backpacking together, somehow… I have nofucking idea how… was able to get me back down the mountain on her fucking back.
I don’t remember half of it, but accounts from other people told me, “your wife carried you on her back.”
Most people would never know it, but that’s why Gabby gets flare-ups sometimes from her lower back. She’s so much better now, but goddamn. I remember being in and out, her voice telling me, “stay with me Link. I love you, don’t you dare.”
She had said she remembered pushing herself hard. And I was carrying so much gear. She was hot too, but she said she could keep going. But I had already been exerting myself by setting up everything and… it was just too much.
The first thing I remember is my heart beating out of my chest and suddenly breathing so fast. The only thing I could do was throw off the gear in an attempt to breathe. And I felt like throwing up. Gabby claimed I did, but I don’t actually remember doing it.
Gabby fought for me. Broke her little body to save me because our phone didn’t work up where we were. She’s the one who had told me that we should invest in a satellite phone.
We promptly got one after that.
It’s crazy to think about, but I could have died that day. Even if she couldn’t have gotten us down the mountain, I know and I trust my wife enough to know she would have done everything in her power to keep me alive or to prevent me from going into heat stroke.
The love I feel right now, just at the memory of her doing everything she could for me, all the things I took for granted, all the things I missed and conveniently forgot when I started working at this job… it’s almost suffocating.
It’s the worst hell anyone could go through, someone dangling in your face all of the riches you had, just for you to chuck them over a cliff, not even realizing that’s what you were doing.
I wonder if she’s resting. What she’s doing right now. It’s so good seeing her, just having her under the same roof.
Even if for the rest of our lives we ended up arguing, I would still be grateful just to know that there is a world with Gabrielle still in it.
-??-
Chapter 42
Gabrielle’s POV
The ocean… is magnificent.
Even though it’s very cold, I want to walk out to where the jetty is. I start throwing bits of food that I bought just for the seagulls into the air. I do this almost every Sunday, and I’ve even named a few of them. They already recognize me now, so when they see me come up on my bicycle, which I take with me on the shuttle so I can come out here, they start making those calls that sound like someone cleaning a squeaky glass window.
Being here with them feels so amazing, and I used to at first think that they were going to poo on me or something, but they never did. I’ve gotten so used to them that they’ll come up right in front of me when I sit on the ground and take the food and eat it out of my hand.
There’s a ping on my phone.
Looking at the message, there’s one from Jada, sharing some article about a new vacation spot that opened up. Then there’s another one from…
Wow.
It’s from Lincoln.
My stupid heartbeat starts racing out of my chest. Traitor. It’s like my body hasn’t gotten the message that I’m not supposed to be in love with this man anymore, and I’m not. But my body is confused.
I wasn’t even hating the idea of teasing Lincoln, but he always manages to do or say something to piss me off.
Let’s see what the message says.
