The Declan Printz: Here’s something that will make you smile. Brandi is looking for you.
I send a screenshot of the message.
My Oh Mags: Brandi?
The Declan Printz: She misses you.
My Oh Mags: Should I know who Brandi is?
The Declan Printz: You tell me. She texted you on your phone. She must be someone in your contacts. Oh, wait, she sent another text. She says that it’s lonely in the hot tub without you. Forget my smile, right now, you’d see my gagging face. Ew.
My Oh Mags: Show me.
I have to read those two simple words a half dozen times for them to make sense.
The Declan Printz: You do know this is Maggie, right? Not Brandi.
My Oh Mags: Even though all your texts come in with my name on them, yes, I know that I’m texting Margaret Pearl Byrne. My question is, why the gagging face? You don’t want to picture me in a hot tub?
If we were having this conversation face to face, my mouth would open and then close, open and then close at a loss for words.
Is Declan flirting with me? Does he think I’m Brandi, his girlfriend? Is this a dream? I’m so far from the girls he usually dates, it’s laughable.
Ah! I see what he did there. He wanted me to laugh...at myself. I get it now.
The Declan Printz: Nice try. I’m not taking the bait. Want me to tell Brandi that you miss her, too?
I’ll show him just what he’s missing. Using his phone, I search on the internet browser forDeclan Printz’s girlfriend. The tab quickly populates with photos of him and a string of different women on his arm in each one. Still gripping the device, my hand falls heavily onto the bed. I regret that search immensely.
My Oh Mags: No. Do not text her. I repeat, do not text Brandi. Please.
Seems like a strong response, but if Brandi is the jealous type, he probably doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea.
The Declan Printz: I should bring you your phone. You probably want to reply to Brandi yourself.
Declan and Brandi don’t quite have a ring to it, but I hope they’re happy. Truly, that’s what friends want for each other. If Brandi has his heart, so be it. I can live with that. Mostly. As long as she lets him eat pizza, wear what he wants to instead of that nauseating neon suit, and when it’s warm out, puts the car windows down and belts out old Journey and Bob Seger songs with him.
My Oh Mags: Sure, but on the subject of getting you to laugh, open up the Photos app.
Open the photo app on his phone? No. I’d rather staple my fingers together. There are probably pictures of him and Brandi looking cute on vacation, both of them dressed up for fancy football-related events, and celeb photo opps.
My face squished up tight, I wage a mini battle of whether to do it. Declan is my best friend, surely he’s not out to crush my spirit. Knowing him, there are probably some silly photos on there, and if not, some blackmail material. He he.
I tap the app. The most recent photo, dated earlier today, catches my eye. Declan stands with a teenager with scars on hisface. A sign in the background indicates it’s a recovery center here in Concordia. The timestamp indicates it was taken shortly before he was supposed to meet me for dinner.
Never mind blackmail, he has an alibi. I can no longer be mad at him for arriving late, but nothing about the image makes me laugh. Instead, my heart thumps, reminding me how precious life is.
My Oh Mags: Scroll up and you should find a picture of me wearing a face mask. They say charcoal is good for the skin. Got to keep up my good looks. You know?
There is an image of Declan wearing a bright blue robe with a gray mask on his face. It appears as if he’s at a spa. Involuntarily, the space around my eyes crinkles as I smile, reminding me that I, too have on a face mask. It’s tight now and I imagine it looks like a parched desert. I send Declan a selfie with my face mask.
The Declan Printz: You almost got a smile out of me.
My Oh Mags: You’re adorable.
The Declan Printz: If by adorable, you mean straight off the set of Attack of the Mud People, then sure.
My Oh Mags: Get Maggie to smile and laugh, take two. Action! Now, keep scrolling. There’s a photo of me in Indonesia. You’ll know you’re there when you see me in a pair of Bruisers-branded board shorts. Reply when you’re done laughing.
