My eyes drift over hers. I would’ve been struck dumb had they not already been imprinted in my mind. It was hard enough watching her full lips to say,I do. She’s gorgeous. In another life, I would’ve been interested and asked her on a date. That’show normal people start things like marriage, right? But nothing about me has been normal since I lost Bran.
At last, I answer her question. “Do I often have lapses in judgment? Nope.” Not lately. A few years ago, my answer would’ve been different, the whole thing with my ex, for instance. Not getting married, not being a better father.
“But you and three other men on your football team decided it would be entertaining to moon a fellow player along with several others, including the commissioner?”
I press my lips together, the whiskers on my beard digging into the scar hidden there. “That wasn’t the intention.”
How could I explain the pranks? The team camaraderie? The other guys that are almost, but not quite, like brothers? Or the fact that I essentially go through life in a permanent state of sleepwalking, except when on the field?
The cyborg inside counters, “If you’re asking as my coach, my actual coach already reprimanded me. If you’re nagging me as my wife, save it.”
Her nostrils flare. “Second rule of Marriage of Convenience Club is we don’t talk about Marriage of Convenience Club.”
With an exhale, I say, “Right.”
“You understand that your actions have consequences?” she asks.
“Moon-gate, #BruiserButt, or whatever they’re calling it, was a split second of idiocy that backfired?—”
Her lips curve as she holds back a laugh.
“Pun not intended.”
“Of course. This isn’t a joke and there’s nothing funny about four grown men exposing their backsides to the world.” She straightens the papers from the file and then fusses with the scarf around her neck as though suppressing laughter.
“It had the unfortunate result of bringing more press to the Boston Bruisers, an already legendary team, but what happensin the team lounge is supposed to stay in the team lounge. Believe me, I don’t want to be here.” I clear my throat, realizing how harsh I must sound. “But I am and I guess there’s no getting out of it.”
With a slim smile, she says, “Are you ready to get started? Ready to change your life?”
Her lips should be the furthest thing from my mind, but I cannot deny that with each word she speaks, it’s hard not to think about the kiss on our wedding day.
9
GREY
Mooning the new player for the Bruisers wasn’t my idea, but it had been my choice, which landed me in this opulent manor, which may as well be a classed-up detention hall. I hate being confined and told what to do. I’d rather be on the field or in a field on the little corner of Isle Royale that’s been in my family for almost a century. But I have to go along with the commissioner and the coach’s punishment.
Marrying the woman across the table from me hadn’t been my idea either, but I’d agreed, and here I am.
My brother would just tell me to follow orders. I sense the cold presence of Bran’s dog tags against my chest. During football games and practices, I’ve taken plenty of hits to the head, back, legs, and parts of my body I didn’t even realize could feel pain, but nothing is as bad as not feeling anything.
Everly sits across from me, waiting for me to reply again.
Am I ready?
Her brow is smooth, placid. Her green eyes are focused, but hidden behind them, what I glimpsed on our wedding day, is something else, something deeper, something I recognize by name only.
Pain and loss.
When I slid the ring on her finger, I had the silly thought that two hearts seek each other out to become one, not whole, which is something else, but to become something new together. I dismissed the idea then and again right now because there’s little more than a hard stone beating in my chest.
I’ve let my lack of being fully human ruin me appearance-wise. Stopped shaving, cutting my hair, and doing anything to take care of myself other than working out. Football is all I have. On the other hand, despite whatever Everly had gone through, she preserved her beauty with her feminine features, full lips, and shiny hair.
“You ready?” she repeats.
She’d also asked,Ready to change your life?Do I have a choice?
Bran would say,Buck up. Follow orders.Soldier on.
