The bonus of so much walking and being in the wilderness is plenty of time to think, which I do while waiting for Connor to assess the river situation.
I love Blancbourg and the opportunity it affords me, but now what? Will I be able to go back? Can I work remotely? On top of that, will there even be a Blancbourg for much longer? If Regina and I don’t figure out the finances soon, the school will be forced to close. My one hope is that I think we’ll be able to preserve the building with the historical designation, which provides some funding for upkeep, but does any of that matter if I’m stuck in France?
What’s next aside from making it across this creek? That poke in the ribs suggestsballet, but I’m too old to join a dance company. Plus, I have a steady job at the school. So does Arthur and everyone else employed there.
In these last days, Connor’s beard has practically grown back and he emerges from the woods having chopped down a tree to use for us to cross. He’s big and strong and...mine? Is he mine or does part of him still belong to this forest, to Anna, to the past?
What about me? Can I move forward and if so, where? These thoughts land me exactly where I started.
“Are you building a boat?” I ask Connor.
“No.”
“Okay, lone wolf, tell me what you’re doing. What if something happens to you? How would I make it here on my own?”
“Nothing will happen to me and I took precautions. Even though it’s against the rules, my phone is in my bag, but only to be used in dire emergencies. Not if you break a nail.”
“I already broke all my nails.” I snort. “You seem to be operating independently and according to your own rules. I don’t even know what’s going on. Teach me how to chop down a tree.”
He chuckles. “You’re adorable, Kitty Cat.” He doesn’t sound like he’s teasing.
A warmth that’s different from the humid day floods me. A dip in the water doesn’t sound half bad.
After outlining how he’s building us a bridge, he asks, “Explain how you escaped childhood without learning to swim.”
“Too busy.”
“With?”
“I had rules while you had chaos growing up.”
“I didn’t take all of the chaos with me. I’ve made a few rules since. Don’t fall in love, never date a woman more than once, and don’t stick around long enough to develop?—”
“Feelings,” I finish for him. “What about bringing a woman to the middle of the woods?”
“That’s a new one for me. I had those rules so I could rise to the top of the pack.”
“If you didn’t notice, you got there, football star.” I poke him in his very hard chest.
“Now it’s a matter of staying on top.”
“What would happen if you fell in love, dated a woman more than once, or stuck around long enough to develop feelings?” I ask.
Before Connor answers, he takes off across the log bridge like a tightrope walker. From the other side, he calls, “Your turn.”
I’d like to use my impeccable balance to cross this with ease, but I’m afraid of what’ll happen if I fall. However, more than anything, I want to hear the answer to my question, so I drop to my hands and knees and crawl across, willing myself not to shake because I’m terrified of being swept into the raging water below.
All the while, breathing is like trying to drink through a clogged straw. When I get to the other side, I collapse onto my back. My heart batters my chest. I gaze up at the sky, thankful to be alive, and a smile blooms on my face.
“You did it.”
“I did.”
Connor lowers next to me and we lie side by side, staring at the clouds sweeping across the sky. His hand finds mine and our fingers lace together.
After a while, I say, “You never answered my question. What would happen?”
He rolls to face me.
