Well …I didhope. I think I’m numb now.
I just don’t know how to get out.
“It’s my dad’s side, but just Mom, Dad, Jackson, Sarah and her family in our cabin. Jackson’s girlfriend might drive up later,” he says. “Don’t worry. No one’s interested in hitting on you, if that’s what you think.”
Wow. I didn’t think that, but I don’t care enough to argue anymore.
That’s a lot of people, and they’re all excited about this baby. You’d think a big churchgoing family would feel some discomfort over their son marrying one woman and having a child with another.
Wait … Am I a decoy?
Any time Nathan’s in a mood, Jackson looks annoyed, but the rest of them laugh it off or do what Nathan wants because “he’s got a lot on his shoulders right now.”
Smoothing things over is a Roberts family pastime. No wonder they like me. They thought I’d smooth over their son’s life.
I pull out of my thoughts to answer him. “I’m going to see my mom this weekend, but maybe if I work more on the weekdays …”
The answer is actually no.
But I can’t start an argument right now. I have to get to work.
“Are you skipping classes?” he asks, continuing his never-ending quest to expose some sort of transgression.
“No, I’m not skipping classes. Summer term is almost over. I’ll work evenings until I go to my mom’s house Friday, and I’ll come back Sunday.”
Probably.
“We’ve barely seen each other, and now you’ll be gone all weekend?”
Every syllable out of his mouth winds my nerves tighter. I was there for hours on Sunday, and he ignored me.
“You could come with me,” I say, regretting my words instantly.
My heart pounds, and my hands begin to shake.
No. Please say no.
I want to hang out with my mom. I need to think.
“I probably shouldn’t go that far with Candi being due soon.”
Ouch. Just a flesh wound.
“You could come by Friday before I leave if you want,” I offer, less than half-heartedly. I already know he won’t.
“I’ll see how it goes. I might take the overtime.” He sighs dramatically.
“All right, I better go. Have a good night. Love…”
“Bye.” Silence.
Well, that was painful. Ending calls with “love you” is just a habit.
There’s no love here.
I know that I know that I know … I’m not in love with him.
Like Jude said, I see broken pieces. It’s my nature to clean it up, but I can’t love someone who won’t let me.
