There are a few memes from my Kentucky and Texas friends and one from my cousin, so I send out a few GIFs and we chat back and forth for a minute. I have good people.
I text Mom quickly and tell her that I’ll probably come home for the weekend. I need a pause from my life here, though I didn’t tell her that part. I shoot DC—Jude a GIF of a sleepy drooling girl. I’ll get back to him later. I’m still processing, but I don’t know what I’m processing.
It’s already ten, and I have class and work for the next few days to end the summer session, then two weeks off until fall semester begins.
Dread descends over me, thinking about Pop’s. It’s what I know best, and the most flexible hours for school, but I’m tired of food service. I have no desire to be in the spotlight on astage like Sam, but they’ve gradually pulled me into their world and made me feel like I belong. Not just because they’ve coaxed me to sing in front of people; because they treat me like what I contribute means something. Maybe it’s going to my head, because now I want that feeling in other parts of my life too.
Which brings up my other source of dread: Nathan. I don’t think there’s anything left to salvage.
Our relationship’s like a toxic work environment. You know, the kind where you’re expected to put in way more hours than you were scheduled, the pay sucks, there are no benefits, and everything that goes wrong is your fault. Myactualjob and what’s left of my relationship make me feel the same way.
It’s time to find a grown-up job. Maybe something related to psych or counseling or education. But what? I have no idea. But I know I need a grown-up job so I’m not so dependent on other people. That can be next week’s mission. I should brush up my resume, check the Social Sciences department for job postings, and dress better. Or different? I don’t know, but I need to look qualified to work somewhere with lower odds of an altercation over soda refills. That needs to be a priority.
I shower quickly, then pull on dark jeans and a flowy white top with lace sleeves. Not exactly office attire, but it’s not black, and it’s not a band T-shirt, so it’s a good start. I may or may not have had a fight with my hairdryer before I realized it was unplugged, so I gave up and stuffed my hair in a bun with some wild pieces falling here and there. I’ve got simple hoop earrings that match each other for once, and of course the bracelets I never take off.
My makeup is light and quick, and I’m ready to go in an hour.
When I come out of my end of the house, Annie’s in the kitchen making coffee. I set my laptop on the counter to check emails and get a Diet Mountain Dew for now and a metal tumbler of ice water for later. I splash in some cranberry juiceand get a cookie. We sit together on the barstools for a few minutes in sleepy silence. Yesterday was forever long and today may not be much better.
“You look very demure today. Are you hiding your secret rock-star identity?” Annie animates like I wiggled the mouse on a sleeping laptop, but I’m barely coherent.
“Thanks? I’m psyching myself up to find a better job.”
“Really? Like what?”
“Not sure. Something social science-y?”
“You know what you’d be good at? Advising students. Have you thought about that?”
“I haven’t gotten that far yet, but it’s not the worst idea. I might have to finish my bachelor’s first, because I can’t survive on student worker pay.”
“PIVOT!” I jump at Annie’s abrupt subject change. “Y’all were so good last night. Someone had a very happy birthday. Wanna tell me anything?” She smiles as she adds flavored creamer to her coffee and scrolls through her phone.
“Umm, I don’t think so?” My eyes wander to the partial wall next to the laundry room door.Snap out of it!“I found out Jude—I mean, DC’s aunt is a private music teacher, and she taught all of them since they were kids. I knew they went way back, but I didn’t know exactly how.”
She follows my gaze and glances behind her, probably thinking I saw a bug or something.
“What is it?” she asks.
“Huh? Nothing.”
“Mm-kay. I knew they grew up together but not all the details. Wait, did you say Jude? Is that a new nickname?” Her eyes perk up with interest.
I raise my brows, making theI have infoface. “Nope.”
“What?” Her curiosity wakes me up a bit.
“DC’s uncles fixed my carfor free. And then his Aunt Judy showed me her music room, and we sang. It was so fun.” I flush for a minute remembering the shirtless portion of the day, but I’m not about to bring that up. “Anyway…” I switch from my soda to the water to wash down that thought. “Jude’s his actual first name. He said kids called him Judy in school, so he switched to his middle name, but his family still calls him Jude or JD. Can you believe that?”
She sits back onto the stool and stares at me. “You met extended family?”
I chew my thumbnail and nod.
“That’s your favorite song of all time and your ringtone for him in your phone, isn’t it?”
I just shrug. It freaks me out too.
“You’re sure no one ever mentioned it? Maybe you forgot? How could you not know? You’re together ALL THE TIME.”
