“Ouch.”
“I’m sorry! You asked for it.”
I put my phone on speaker and rub my temples. “No, it’s fine. Keep going.”
“He has an inflated sense of importance, and I bet if you disagree with him, he says there’s something wrong withyou. He sets you up with loaded questions. There’s never a right answer. He punishes you by withdrawing anytime you show interest in anything that isn’t him, and you minimize yourself to keep the peace. He doesn’t like any of us because he wantsyou isolated. I bet he makes you feel guilty for having friends, talent, goals, people who love you, and happiness, because for one thing, he’s jealous of you, and for another, he can’t control a confident Lucy. Hecancontrol the girl who feels responsible to help him be better.
“The way he treats you has nothin’ to do with this wholeKnocked Up for New Year’sB-movie he’s got going on. I mean, it’s bad, but if he treated you the way DC does, I might be open-minded about the whole second chance, changing-his-life thing. Gah! Please make me stop talking. I can’t believe I said all that out loud. You’re mad, aren’t you?”
“No. I needed to hear it.”
“You already know all of this. He’s never given you anything but ex-husband behavior. Give the ring back …oh, that’s right.You don’t have one.”
“Okay, rude. I get it. I’m dumb.”
“No. You’re not dumb. You might come off snarky and distant, but you care about helping people reach their potential. You’re loving and supportive even if your face says otherwise.”
“My face? What did my face do?” I ask, slightly offended.
“Your face says what your words don’t—frustration, disappointment, and hurt. Even if you could fix all his problems, which you can’t, you still don’t need his shi—crap. So go. No more shopping off the clearance rack for men. Throw the irregular one back and get the good stuff.”
“Geez, Annie. Where ya been with all this?”
“Well, I thought DC would get through to you, but his sense of responsibility is too much like yours, or maybe he wants you to choose him, ya know? That’s what I’d want. He knows you care about him, but you haven’tchosenhim. He’s a rule-follower, Lu Lu. He’s the exact opposite of Nathan. He’ll respect your boundaries even if it’s killing him. And it is.”
“If DC and I belong together, then why didn’t I know it right away? I’ve always felt close to him, and I think he feels it too, but there were no major fireworks between us. Maybe some little sparks.Sparklers.”
“That’s because he doesn’t disrupt your nervous system, dummy!” she whisper-yells. “What’s our favorite trope? Say it!”
I sigh. “Slow burn.”
“Slow burn, baby! Ugh, it blows my mind. You’re so smart, and yet…”
“Oblivious.”
“Uh-huh. What DID you feel for DC, from the beginning?”
“Comfortable? Safe. Kind of attached but nothing psycho.”
“Did that comfortable safe attachment increase or decrease the more you got to know him?” she pushes.
“Okay, okay. I hear you.” That pull between DC and I has definitely …intensified.
“Danny was overly cautious. I’ll give him that, but Nathan rushed to lock you down and never lived up to a single promise. That’s textbook love-bombing. Slow burn is superior. Always.”
She’s not telling me anything I don’t know, but she forces me to put the pieces together and look at the ugly picture it makes. She submitted her essay with a title, complete outline, and supporting arguments for each point. I can’t explain this away, and I have no more excuses for Nathan’s behavior.
Even worse, I have no excuses formine.
“If DC has feelings for me…” My heart drops, because I know he does. “I’m the most self-centered, oblivious, heartless… what ifI’ma narcissist?”
“Lu Lu, stop it. Narcissists don’t ask that question! You are the one who needed it all spelled out, so I drew you a freakin’ map. Like Jace would say, I used all sixty-four crayons just for you. Stop trying to anticipate all the ways this could go wrong,Doctor Strange. There’s one scenario that’s wrong in everyuniverse, and you can stopthat one. You can’t avoid everything. You made the best out of hostile conditions for most of your life, but you don’t have to do that anymore.
“Even if Nathan took responsibility, he’s still borderline abusive, and you’re not in love with him. Either of those is reason enough. You don’t have to prove your reasons are valid. You’re done.
“Go lay a big wet one on Danny and stop overthinkin’ it. I’m sure he’s done enough of overthinkin’ for both of you. Foroncelet yourself have something good without worrying about the consequences for everyone else. Some people deserve what they get.”
“Okay.”
