“I am not contradictory.”
The defiance came easily, even if Bridget did not entirely believe it. Beingcontradictorywas an accurate description of herself, for it explained clearly the mixture of longing and frustration that her husband conjured within her.
“Fine,” Bridget said.
Catherine grinned. “Tell me everything.”
Bridget mostly did, omitting only the consummation of their marriage. Instead, she told Catherine that she had requested to spend the night in Lewis’s chambers, a statement that was accepted without question.
“It is not unusual for a husband and wife to sleep in separate rooms,” Bridget continued. “Rationally, I know that. However, his refusal still hurt me, much more than I wanted.”
“Of course, it did,” Catherine said. “I think most women would be upset at having such a benign request refused.”
“It was not such a benign request,” Bridget said. “I knew that it was a marriage of convenience. Of course, he reacted poorly.”
“A marriage of convenience can flourish into something real and meaningful,” Catherine said. “Or have you forgotten about my marriage?”
Of course, Bridget had not forgotten. Her sister had married because their father promised a bride to the Duke of Sarsen. Catherine had married simply to settle the agreement, yet her marriage had blossomed into one of mutual affection.
“Not every marriage can be like yours,” Bridget said, sighing. “My husband has not forgotten the way I behaved before we were wed. I made it clear that I had no desire for our marriage to be anything more than what it was, and I never concealed my distaste at being forced to marry him. Why would he believe that I had earnestly changed my mind?”
“Why not?” Catherine asked. “People change their thoughts and opinions constantly.”
“But about this,” Bridget insisted. “I worry that this is asking too much of him.”
“Maybe he just needs time to think about it,” Catherine said. “If your thoughts have changed as suddenly as you say, maybe he was surprised and reacted in a way that was hasty.”
“Or maybe he is avoiding me,” Bridget said dryly. “Purposefully. Because I have frightened him.”
“Frightened? That is an interesting word to use.”
“It is the best word,” Bridget offered. “Even if he believes me, which I suspect he does not, Lewis said that we cannot be affectionate towards one another, or we might develop into something else. He worries that he cannot love me forever.”
Catherine pursed her lips together and appeared deep in thought. Bridget sipped her tea, grateful for the warmth of it. Since that night, Bridget’s emotions were a tempest of contradictions. She kept them carefully contained, so they did not bubble over to the surface. But she stillfeltthem, continuously threatening to overwhelm her. The tea was normal, though. It was grounding and warm in a world that seemed to have gone all awry.
“Do you love him?” Catherine asked.
Bridget swallowed hard. “I do not know.”
“You want affection from him.”
“Yes,” Bridget said. “But I do not know entirely why. I am fonder of him than I thought I would be, but I do not know if that isloveexactly. I want to be closer to him, but I do not know if that is enough.”
Catherine slowly nodded. “I understand your dilemma. Unfortunately, I think the uncertainty is a part of falling in love.”
“Ridiculous,” Bridget scoffed.
“But true, nonetheless. There were times when I was uncertain if I loved William,” Catherine continued. “And he was slower to realize thathelovedme.Men can be remarkably stubborn when it comes to acknowledging their feelings.”
“Lewis has had three days,” Bridget pointed out. “I feel that is sufficient time.”
“He may not. After three days, you have not yet decided if you love him,” Catherine said.
Bridget wrinkled her nose, displeased with Catherine’s answer. “You make a good argument,” Bridget said, crossing her arms. “But how long do we wait? He cannot avoid me forever.”
Well, Bridget supposed that Lewiscould, but thetonwould certainly gossip if the Duke of Wheelton remained separate from his wife for too long. Her husband cared about his reputation, so he would inevitably have to see her at some point.
“You know him better than I do,” Catherine said. “But there is nothing preventing you from going to him and explaining how you feel.”
