“Mmmm… God, ye’re beautiful. I will never, ever get enough of ye. Ilovethis being a husband.”
At least, Willa thought ruefully, he’d stopped fighting her onthisfront. Since the beginning, he had been determined to fight against his attraction to her, then to fight against his own happiness, and now he would wage a war against their unborn child. She had won the first two battles; she could win the third as well.
She traced her hand slowly down his chest, pausing to brush a fingertip lightly over the rounded tip of his straining cock. His breath hitched in his throat. He let her fondle him for a moment before he flipped her back onto the bed, pinning her with his big body. “When ye touch me that way”, he murmured near her ear, “ye make me lose all control.”
“Good”, she told him, and bucked her hips up against his.
He hissed in pleasure and drove into her, sinking deep. Willa sighed and arched her back. She could feel the tension of the day coiled tightly in her muscles… all of them. As Drust thrust against her, the tension quickly grew tighter and tighter, pleasure building to impossible heights, until finally it erupted into hard spasms of relief. Above her, Drust groaned low in his throat as his muscles strained and he thrust faster and harder. He threw back his head and pulled out of her body, just as she felt the hot spurts of his release against her stomach.
Sated, at least for the moment, Drust gathered Willa close with her back against his chest and her head pillowed on his arm. This was bliss; pure happiness that he had never thought to have, never thought he deserved. But she had saved his life, healed him, loved him, and brought him out of the darkness that had been his existence for so long. She was his light. She was everything. Without her, he was fairly certain he would no longer be able to breathe. His chest pulled tight and ached just feeling her there in his arms, in his bed, in his life. He would never, ever let her go.
Willa took a deep breath. She hated to break the peace that had settled over them like a soft warm blanket, but this was not news she could keep secret for long.
“Drust?”
“Mmmm?”
“I think it would be so wonderful if we were to have a child of our own. Don’t you?”
She felt him stiffen immediately, his body going rigid and his arms becoming like iron vises.
“No Willa. Never. I told ye, I willna even discuss it, so give up on the thought right now.”
Oh, this was going to be so much worse than she thought!
“Why, Drust?” she asked softly. “Please tell me why you feel so strongly about it. I need to understand.”
He let out a long, frustrated sigh. “It’s far too dangerous. I wouldna risk yer life just to have a child.” He relaxed just a little, pulling her closer. “But perhaps, if ye really want a child to raise, we could take in an orphan, someday.”
So at last she knew. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be afather. It was misguided fear for her safety that drove him. “Why are you so afraid Drust? Women give birth all of the time and come through it just fine.”
He stiffened again. “No’ all of them do.”
“Tell me”, she said simply.
He was silent for a long moment, and Willa was afraid the conversation was over, but the he blew out a breath and nestled his chin against the top of her head.
“It was the day my parents died. Bren was away training to be a warrior, and Eian was fostering with one of our father’s closest friends. I was just sixteen at the time. No longer a child, but no’ yet a man. We were having a celebration of sorts that day, because my mother was expecting another child. It had been fourteen years since Eian, and it was assumed she would never bear another, so it was akin to a miracle. Everyone was gathered in the hall for a feast when the attack came, and we were caught completely unprepared. The men all fought valiantly, but in the end it was a slaughter. I was fighting with the men when I saw my father go down. My mother was behind him, pinned against the wall. He had been guarding her with his life. The man who cut him down kicked her in the stomach and I heard her scream. I can still hear it, even now. I thrust my sword through the soldier I was fighting and ran to her. I carried her into a solar and barred the door. By then she was already unconscious, and there was blood everywhere; even in the deadliest of battles I’ve never seen so much blood. I could do nothing to help her, nothing to save her. There wasna even a wound to stanch. She bled to death in my arms, and the babe died with her.”
A single hot tear rolled down Willa’s cheek. She knew the strength it had taken for him to tell her that story. Knew how long he had been holding it inside. “I’m so sorry, Drust.”
“And I saw the same again, twice more. Women bleeding to death when something went wrong with a birth. And I saw their husbands grieve for their wife and child all in the same terrible moment. I swore I would never ken that grief.” He reached up to wipe away her tears. “Oh, my love, it’s no’ that I dinna want to give ye a child. But if I did so and lost ye because of it… lost everything…I… I would be a broken man.”
Oh Hell. There was no way, after such a heart-felt confession, that she could tell him she was with child! She just couldn’t! It would have to wait until… well, she had no idea when. There would just have to be a better moment than this one. Perhaps she was a coward, but instead she turned in his arms and kissed him, a deep and life-affirming kiss that told him she was alive and in his bed and that everything would be all right. He deepened the kiss, his hands gripping her so tightly that it was almost painful.
Drust couldn’t believe all that he had just told her, or how easy it had been. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from him, and yet he felt raw and edgy. He needed her again, but in a far different way than when he had first come into the room. Then, he had needed to sate his body, but now he needed to sate his soul. He rolled on top of her, never breaking the connection of her kiss. He groaned when her legs parted instinctively, welcoming him. He thrust into her in one smooth motion, filling her completely, and completing himself as well. He continued the kiss, continued the slow, measured thrusts, until it became too much. He rose up on his forearms, unable to stop himself from pumping harder, faster, and after Willa had arched beneath him, her body trembling and shuddering with release, he pulled out of her just before he found his own.
She still did not have the heart to tell him the pulling out part had not been necessary. Oh, what a mess this was going to be.
Two days later, Willa and Faith accompanied Drust on his rounds to check in on the crofters whose cottages lay outside the castle walls. The two women walked slightly ahead, chatting as they went. It was a rare warm summer day in the highlands, and Willa thought the sun felt hotter and hotter, her clothing growing tighter and tighter, the farther they went. Perhaps she should have eaten more at the morning meal, but her stomach had been a bit unsettled and she didn’t want to risk losing her breakfast in front of some unfortunate crofter’s wife. But now the cold sweat suddenly covering her body did not bode well. Damn it all, she was going to faint! As the edges of her vision began to dim, she gamely took two more steps before sinking to the ground like a rock.
Drust watched in horror as Willa slumped to the ground a few yards in front of him. His heart in his throat, he was at her side almost before she hit the earth.
“Willa! God, Willa are ye all right?”
Faith knelt down and automatically put two fingers to her throat, relieved to find a strong and steady pulse.
“I think she’s just fainted. Did she have much to eat today?”
