Bridei captured both of her wrists, subduing her, though she still struggled like a cornered wild thing while his men stood by watching, unsure of what to do.
“Leave us”, he told them. “Stay within hearing and watch the road.”
He held her arms. “Listen to me Nessa. Stop this! I won’t harm you.”
At last she found her voice. “You won’tharmme?” she cried. “You won’t harm me? You just brought me god knows how many miles to be raped and beaten by a bunch of filthy barbarians, and you say you won’tharmme? Excuse me if I don’t believe you! I told you all along I wasn’t a spy! Letgoof me!” She stomped as hard as she could on his leather-booted foot, to no effect.
His fingers bit deeper into the flesh of her arms and he shook her just a little. “I would rather be gutted and thrown into the bog than live to see those men lay a hand on you again”, he growled. She still struggled against his grip, so he released her arms and she crumpled into a heap on the ground, her trembling legs finally giving out beneath her.
She sat there, watching with wary eyes as Bridei stalked a small circle in the moonlight, his hands clenched at his sides. After a moment he came to a stop in front of her, drawing in a deep breath. He could hardly bring himself to look at her. At what he’d done to her. And yet he couldn’t have known. He couldn’t have made any other choice and lived with himself, either. He couldn’t put his people in danger.
“Lass…did they…did any of them?”
“Rape me?” She looked away, and he caught the reflection of her tears in the last of the moonlight. “No, they…no. But they would have!”
“Then I got to you in time.” He sounded relieved; but for Nessa, rage was quickly replacing fear and disgust. And not just rage at the men who would have raped and killed her. She looked up at Bridei, her eyes shooting daggers. He actually took a step away from her.
“Thank you, for coming for me”, she said, her voice dripping with anger and sarcasm.
“It was I that sent you to the wolves.”
“Iknow!” she shrieked. Her hands made small, impotent fists as if she could fight him and win.
“Well, I had reason to. You were going through my trunk and I…well, what did you expect me to think? WhatshouldI think, Ashta? Tell me, because I don’t even know anymore. I need the truth!” He was shouting at her now, his already fragile control battling with the strong, unfamiliar emotions welling up inside.
“I know that’s what you thought. That I was looking for battle plans, or maps, or…something! But I wasn’t. You are an honorable man Bridei. Or at least I thought you were until now. I would never have betrayed you like that. I don’t want to be here! All I wanted was to find my uncle and go home!”
He squatted down in front of her in the dirt, taking her chin firmly in his hand and lifting her face to his. “Then tell me who you really are.” His voice was hard, but there was a new softness in his dark eyes that had never been there before.
She shook her head mutely as tears rolled down her cheeks and fell onto the ground. His thumb moved across her smooth skin, wiping them away. He leaned closer, until she could feel his soft breath on her face. His fingers moved up into the hair by her temples and tensed there. He made a low sound in his throat just before he let her go and sat back on his heels with a sigh.
“You think I’m an honorable man? I am not an honorable man, Nessa! How could I be? I have wanted you from the moment I first saw you, even though you belonged to another. Even though I didn’t know where your loyalty lay. And I want you still, even now, when you were just nearly raped because I could not trust you! My body still aches with need of you.” He grabbed her hand and placed it none too gently on the hard bulge beneath the fabric of his pants. Immediately, his teeth clenched and an involuntary groan left his throat. “Do you see now? Where is the honor in wanting you like this, when you have just been brutalized by another? What kind of man am I when all I want is to have you beneath me even now? Whether or not you’ve betrayed me?”
She pulled her hand back as if it had been burned. In truth, his flesh, even through the fabric, had been almost hot to the touch. She stood. Stepped back, shaking her head. “I…I don’t know. I don’t know what kind of man you are.”
He sighed. “No, I suppose you don’t. Let’s go home. Rest. Then you will tell me what is was you were looking for, and we will settle this between us, once and for all.”
“Okay”, she said quietly. What choice did she have? As usual, none.
“And Ashta, this time it will be the truth I hear, do you understand me?”
She nodded. She was scared and defeated. She had very nearly died—yet again—for her secrets. No more. If it was the truth he wanted, it was the truth he’d get. All of it. After all, things couldn’t get much worse.
Theyhad ridden through the rest of the night and into the next day, and Nessa had slept fitfully against Bridei’s chest, with his arm locked tightly around her. When they finally reached the gates of Tallorc, she had a strange sense that fate was tugging at her, telling her she would always end up back here, no matter how hard or how often she tried to leave, or where she went.
She had to admit; it was better than being in the hands of King Ecgfrith. Though Bridei’s hands were certainly not free of blood, he at least had honor and grace. Nessa had known the moment she set eyes on Ecgfrith that he was a different sort of man; one who would stop at nothing to satisfy his own greed for power and wealth. She could see it in his cold, uncompassionate eyes; feel it rolling off of him like a damp, murky fog.
Bridei lifted her off the horse’s back, and though she could have walked on her own, he carried her up the stairs to his chamber. There was a hot bath waiting in the center of the room. He set her down carefully, his hand lingering for just a moment on the small of her back as if he was loathe to let her go completely.
“I thought you’d want to wash, after those men…” He paused, shaking his head slightly. “I thought you’d want a bath, so I sent someone ahead to have one ready.”
She blinked at his unexpected thoughtfulness. “Thank you.”
She thought maybe he would insist on staying and watching her again, and truly she was beyond caring if he did, but instead he nodded once and left the room, closing the door firmly behind him. She supposed he had lots of other things to do, after wasting nearly twenty-four hours proving that she wasn’t spying for Ecgfrith. At least she hoped it had been proven. She never wanted to set eyes on the Saxon king again. When Bridei finally struck him down, she would honestly feel no pity for the man.
Not even caring if the door was latched or if someone might walk in, she numbly stripped her clothing off and stepped into the tub. She sank into the blissfully warm water with a sigh, and began once more contemplating her strange fate. She had already accepted that Angus was gone and she would more than likely never see him again, though she couldn’t properly mourn him either, not knowing for certain if he was dead. By now, Nathan must at least suspect that she wasn’t coming back. And her grandmother, if she was still alive, must think her only granddaughter had abandoned her to die alone. To top it all off, she was about to tell the king, who held her very life in his hands, that she had arrived here, unwittingly, from the future. She doubted very much he would believe her story, since she barely believed it herself.
At least things couldn’t get too much worse. Her mind flashed unwittingly to the ritual sacrifices she had witnessed. The slit throat. The Blood Eagle. Okay, maybe they could get a little bit worse. She only hoped that if she was sentenced to death for lying, or witchcraft, or whatever crime she might be found guilty of after telling her strange truth, that it would be swift and painless.
