“Nothing!” He ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair and whispered, “Not a single word.”
His cousins’ confusion deepened, and he was forced to relate the entire humiliating experience.
When the tale was done, he looked to them for sympathy, but Anne simply rapped him sharply on the forehead with her knuckles—which hurt more than one would think—repeating, “Stupid, stupid, stupid man!”
He nodded glumly. “You are correct. I am an abominably stupid man, but I love her. I will not give up easily, though my pride and stupidity may have been my downfall.”
“Naturally we will not,” Fitzwilliam said. “I assume your trunks are being packed as we speak?”
“You assume correctly.”
“Why are you still here?”
Darcy wondered at his cousin’s lack of common sense. “Do you suppose Mrs Collins will be sanguine about her guest disappearing during tea?”
Fitzwilliam shuddered. “True. You must speak to her.”
“I was hoping you would.”
“Not on your life. I am afraid of her.”
Darcy raised an eyebrow.
“I know you are in a panic, William,” Anne said, “but you cannot leave today or tomorrow.”
“Why not?”
She rapped his head again. “Think about it, lunkhead. Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet mysteriously disappear from Rosings within hours of each other! You may as well abduct her to Gretna Green. The effect would be the same, except instead of only disliking you, she will hate you until five years after the end of time.”
The thought had not occurred to him and he sheepishly nodded.
She took his arm gently. “Go change quickly and return to tea before Mother throws a fit. I will speak with Mrs Collins then hire an express rider to thunder up with a note claiming urgent business. We leave the day after tomorrow. That will separate our departure from hers and give us a day to arrange matters. I daresay Mrs Collins can manage her husband and my mother if we give her the means. She is twice as clever as the two of you combined.”
“Not much of a boast,” the colonel grumbled.
“What do you mean, ‘we”?” Darcy asked.
“Truly, William, I wonder if you understand the King’s English. No wonder you scared poor Miss Bennet away! ‘We’means you and me, and I suppose your counterpart.”
Darcy shook his head in confusion. “Very well, but you might expect wedding clothes in your chamber. It will be difficult to explain you are not engaged when you return.”
“Who said I would not be engaged? You are not the only man in the world, Fitzwilliam Darcy—merely the silliest… and most besotted.”
She reached up and passed her hand across his cheek in a cousinly caress, which, given the circumstances, was an improvement over rapping his forehead with her knuckles again.
Finesse
Mrs Charlotte Collins
Hunsford Parsonage, Kent
My Dearest Charlotte,
I must beg your forgiveness, my dear friend, for leaving without a note, but it could not be helped. I was away from my accustomed place when I received intelligence distressing enough to render my immediate departure for Town imperative. I had almost no time to catch the post with a matron of my acquaintance as chaperone and wrote at the first opportunity. I know this was unconscionably rude, and I hope you were not overly distressed. I pray you may forgive me when I have the chance to explain.
If all has gone well, I hope you have lately returned from Rosings, and I shall explain in more detail as soon as I might, but for the moment I must be off. Pray assure your husband and Maria that all is well, but I simply had some urgent business to attend to. I always wanted to use that phrase, since men use it whenever they want to excuse their absence from something they prefer to avoid; and this time, it is even true.
Do not worry. I am not injured, nor distressed, nor has anything terrible happened. You do not even know the people involved, as they are recent acquaintances. Nothing short of the most urgent need would have driven me to this degree of incivility, but the matter is not one to cause any real distress. It just must be dealt with in a timely manner, and quietly, for another’s sake.
