Kade is pure brute force. He’s thicker than Diego, broader in the shoulders, dusted with coarse dark hair on his chest and belly. His cock hangs heavy between his legs, and as he soaps it up, he handles it like it’s just another body part, no different from washing an arm. It’s a big piece of equipment, bigger than average, and he must have impressed plenty of women with that. I wonder if he knows how to use it, or if he’s one of those guys who’s all size and no skill.
Emilio is the closest thing I have to a friend out here. We met in the first week of basic training and clicked right away. Blond buzz cut, blue eyes, lean build, less muscle than Kade but more defined. We’ve been naked around each other plenty during basic, yet I still catch myself looking at him. At the way the water beads on his shoulders. The trail of hair from his navel to his cock. He’s smaller than Kade, but perfectly proportioned, with a slight curve to the left.
Then there’s Buck. Big, hairy Buck. He’s built like a bear, with a thick beard and a massive chest covered in dark curls. He’s the oldest of the group at twenty-six, and there’s an intensity in him that can be unsettling. Right now, he’s waiting for Kade to finish, leaning against a tree, arms crossed over his chest. He’s the hairiest guy I’ve ever seen. His balls are a full forest, and his cock is the thick, uncut trunk rising out of it. Everything about him is big, from his hands to his boots to his presence.
And finally, Yassir. He keeps to himself mostly. When he does speak, it’s with a dry, dark wit. He’s lean and wiry, with almost no body hair, and he moves with a confidence that makeshim seem older than twenty. The way he’s cleaning his rifle now, with that intense focus, is how he does everything. With precision. Like he’s solving a puzzle. I wonder if he fucks like that, too. He certainly has the cock for it, which is surprisingly big for his build.
There’s a knot in my stomach. I feel like I’m betraying them somehow by looking at them this way, by cataloging their bodies like I’m studying a menu. But I can’t help it. There’s a hunger in me that I don’t understand, a need I’m scared to name. And every day out here, every hour I spend in their company, it gets a little stronger.
I know these thoughts are going to get me in trouble. Sooner or later, I’m going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, and then everyone will know what a sick fuck I truly am. I’ll get thrown out of the Army. I’ll disgrace my family. All because I can’t stop thinking about my squadmates’ cocks.
“Yo, Adrian, you done daydreaming?” Kade claps me on the shoulder as he walks past, his wet cock bouncing against his thigh. “You thinking about some girl back home?”
“Something like that,” I say, not looking at him. I stare at the ground instead, at the dirt and dead leaves, at the water pooling around my bare feet.
“Get your mind on the mission, soldier,” Buck says as he steps into the shower spot. “This ain’t no vacation. We’ve got land nav tomorrow, and you know Rourke’s gonna be on our asses about it.”
He gives me a pointed look, and I nod. I know. I know what’s expected of me. I just don’t know if I can deliver.
While Buck and Yassir take their showers, the rest of us break out dinner. MREs—Meals Ready to Eat. Prepackaged military food that tastes like cardboard but fills you up. I grab one labeled beef stew and sit on a log near the small fire Diego’s working on.
The sun is setting behind the trees, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. The air is finally starting to cool down. It’s peaceful, and I try to focus on the sounds of the woods. The chirping of the crickets. The crackle of the fire. But the images from the shower keep replaying in my head, and the knot in my stomach won’t go away.
I’ll have to hide it better. That’s the only answer. Bury it deep. Focus on the mission. Be the soldier they need me to be. I have to hope that’s enough to keep the monster inside me from breaking free.
2
“Man, I miss pussy.”
Diego always says whatever’s on his mind. He’s sitting with one arm propped on his knee, using a stick to poke at the fire. The flames cast long, dancing shadows across the trees around us.
Buck barks out a laugh. “It’s been what, three weeks?”
“Twenty-two days, my friend. Twenty-two long, pussy-less days. It’s a tragedy.”
“Try half a year on my last deployment. Twenty-two days is nothing.”
“Fuck, how did you survive?” Emilio asks, leaning forward.
Buck shrugs. “Think about the day you get back.”
“Yeah, but that’s still weeks from now,” Diego says, tossing the stick into the fire. “My balls are gonna explode.”
“I’m sure you’ll manage,” Kade says. He’s sharpening a knife, the scrape of the whetstone a steady, rhythmic sound. “Soldiers adapt.”
“Easier said than done,” Diego shoots back. “I’d at least jerk off if we had some privacy around here. But no, we’re all up in each other’s business 24/7.”
“TMI, man,” Yassir says. “I don’t need to know about your jerk-off habits.” He and Kade exchange a look, like they’re sharing some private joke. I hate when they do that. Always feel like I’m missing something. Or worse, thatI’mthe joke.
Diego grins. “What? Like you’re not thinking the same thing. We’re all dudes here. We all got the same problem.” He looks around at each of us with those dark, mischievous eyes. “Come on, guys. Am I wrong?”
I force myself to add something to the conversation. If I stay silent, they’ll think something’s wrong with me. I need to be one of them.
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t say no to some warm, wet pussy right now.”
Jesus.Did I really say that out loud? It feels so cheap, so performative. A bad impression of what I think I’m supposed to sound like.
Because even though I’ve been with girls and liked it well enough, it’s not what I’ve been thinking about. Not at all. For me, there’s no rush to get back to women. No pent-up desire for tits and ass and a wet, warm hole. There’s just this gnawing hunger for something else. For the rough masculinity all around me.
