My fists slam into the ground, splitting skin, dirt grinding into the cut. I welcome the sting, wishing it could punish me half as much as I deserve.
I hit the hard earth again. And again. And again. Pounding, gasping, choking on the truth that no amount of blood or dirt will ever scrub me clean.
CHAPTER 24
sarah
Ikeep Evie close, my hand wrapped tight around hers. I continue to hold her even after we reach the stables, where I feel just a little safer, away fromhim.
Evie doesn’t notice how messed up I am. She’s too busy talking about the horses, about Bandit, about everything that isn’t shattering me inside.
Bandit is snuffling around. He’d been barking at Landon, but he followed us, protecting us.
I couldn’t let that man touch this innocent baby. I couldn’t let her breathe the same air as him. I couldn’t….
“Dr. K, do you think we could teach Bandit some tricks?” Evie asks and then looks at her new dog. I let her go from my tight embrace—she has no reason to be afraid, and she shouldn’t be burdened with my fears.
Evie stands close to her dog and looks down at him with focus. “Bandit,sit.”
Bandit continues to stand, wagging his tail, his eyesfilled with excitement. He’s starting to respond to his name, but that’s about it.
She looks at me. “He’s not sitting.”
I take a deep breath. I don’t know if I can form the words. I have none.
“We gotta teach him, Princess,” Dodge speaks from behind me, and I gasp, putting my hand on my heart.
He looks at me. His eyes filled with regret and pain. “I’m sorry. I…didn’t mean to….”
I shake my head. Swallow. “It’s okay.” The words are a whisper, hoarse. Tears are clogged in my throat.
“Sarah?” Dodge asks softly.
I wrap my arms around myself. I’m shivering. I feel lost. I knew it could happen. I knew I might seehimagain. I didn’t think I’d become the scared girl he’d violated. He’d broken.
“No, Landon. Stop it. No. Please, no.”
“Dr. K—” Evie begins, but Dodge smoothly chimes, “Hey, Princess, maybe you and I work with Bandit. What do you think about that?”
“Do you know how to train a dog?” Her eyes are wide with awe.
“I sure do. I used to have a dog when I was your age.” His eyes are on me as he talks. I can feel his concern, his sympathy, but I don’t have the energy to respond.
“I…I need some air,” I say in a low voice.
His gaze softens with understanding. “You want us with you?”
My breath shudders. “No…you stay with Evie.” And then, as my legs begin to move, I look at him wildly, grab Evie’s hand. “Don’t let her close tohim.”
“I won’t.” He nods once, and the weight of that nod presses into my bones. I don’t have to explain who I’m talking about. He knows.
I release Evie’s hand. It feels like tearing out a piece of myself. I can’t breathe in here, not with the scent of hay and leather closing in on me, not with the memory of Landon’s eyes flashing when he saw me.
I go through the stables blindly. I keep walking away from the stables, the house, and that man. I don’t know where I’m going. Just away.
The mountains rise in the distance, eternal and unmoved, blue-grey and solemn. I stop at the edge of a cliff and glance down—it’s a long, sheer drop. Once, I might’ve wanted that fall. Once, I thought ending the horror was the only way out. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m the woman who learned to live with it.
I lift my gaze from the abyss to the jagged, dramatic peaks of the Elk Mountains. Beautiful, fierce, proud. Home to the Maroon Bells, the most photographed mountains in North America. They’re more than scenery to me—they’re comfort.
