I look at her in surprise. How does she know all this?
Aria stands up and holds out a hand to Joy. “First things first.”
Joy does what she asks, though she looks perplexed. Aria hugs her. “I’m so, so, so happy that you’re safe.”
Joy laughs and tightens her hold around her future sister-in-law. “Me, too, Aria.”
I look at them with a degree of envy. How easy they are with one another. So close. So….
Fuck it!
I pick up the bottle of whiskey and fill the third glass that is sitting empty. I take a sip. It burns in the best way.
Both women look at me in surprise. “I don’t drink in public. I drink only when I’m aloneandsafe. My poison of choice is scotch. And this is good.”
“Mav saves the good stuff for family.” Joy settles back into her armchair. “Guess that makes us family now.”
I laugh softly at that. Not harshly, not self-deprecatingly, but with a degree of joy. I haven’t had a family since Aunt Gemma. And I never let her close enough, not after what happened….
They wait for me to tell them my story, and I know that even if I don’t, they won’t judge me. But Joy opened her heart to me, giving me the courage.
I stare into the golden liquid in my glass, wishing it could swallow me whole. My throat feels tight.
“I was nineteen,” I say finally, my voice rough. “Cade and I…we were so in love. We thought we were forever. One night…I was at Cade’s place, in his room, studying. They’d had a barbecue. He was out with his father to do some ranch stuff.”
I swallow hard. My hand shakes, so I set the glass down on the table.
“He”—I clear my throat—"asked if I’d like a drink. I said no. But he insisted. I wanted to be cool, so I drank the vodka.” I now look at Joy, pain in my eyes. “I had no fear. This was Landon. He was Cade’s brother. His role model.”
I drop my face in my hands for a long moment. Then, when I feel I can, I continue, “He asked me if I was attracted to him. My head was spinning—too much too fast, and I wasn’t used to it. I said, ‘No, I love Cade.’He…kissed me. I pushed him away. I slapped him,hard. He got angry and….” I wait for the storm to pass. “He put his hand over my mouth and tore my panties away. He pushed himself inside me.” I sob, and immediately, Aria and Joy are by my side, holding me. “He hurt me so badly. So….”
“I know. I know he did,” Aria whispers as she strokes my hair.
The rest pours out of me. How I ran home and told my father, but by then, Landon had already told Cade that I came on to him, and we had sex. I loved Cade withmy whole heart. I’d been so sure he’d protect me, care for me….
I remember how then, like now, Cade’s eyes burned, not with love but with disgust.
I grip the railing of our porch, trying to steady myself.
“Did you sleep with my brother and call it rape?”
“No, Cade. Landon did?—”
“Tell me the truth, Sarah,” he shouts, his voice shaking. “Did you come on to Landon? Did you want him?”
“No,” I whisper, desperate, hot tears streaking down my cheeks. I’m still hurting between my legs. I’m still bleeding. I want Cade to hold me and make it all better, not tear me down like this. “I don’t want him…I love you; I only want you. He forced?—”
“So, you’re just going to lie to my face? He told me everything, Sarah. He said you’ve been after him for months, throwing yourself at him while I wasn’t looking. And now you come to me crying, trying to ruin his life?”
I gape at him. He knows me, and yet he thinks I’m capable of something like that? He shakes his head, slow, like he’s more disappointed than angry, and he’s plenty pissed off.
“Cade, on my mother’s grave, Landon raped me. He raped me and….” And can’t you see that you’re doing it again by not listening to me.
He flinches, like I’ve slapped him—his mouth twists.
“You think anyone’s gonna believe you? You were drunk, Sarah. You spread your legs for him, and now you regret it, so you blame him.” His voice is sharp, each word a whip crack. “You’re nothing but a slut.”
“Don’t say that, Cade. Please.”
