I hate that I can still read her that way. Hate that even after everything, she can cut straight to the place I keep buried deepest.
Nothing has changed between us.
Except I remember her. And God help me, I miss what we had like it was yesterday.
She gets into the truck and drives away. I watch her taillights all the way to the end of the long driveway of the Dunn ranch, feeling regret gnawing inside me. I just am not sure what it is that I’m regretting.
I go home, get Evie ready for school, and then head to work.
I’m tired but no more than I’ve been for the past few days.
Usually, by the time I get to bed, I’m exhausted. I’m a single dad. I worry about my kid. My ranch. My body is dead tired, but my mind keeps working the pens, checking the fences, and counting the calves.
But now, when I lie in bed, I rememberher. Remember all that she meant to me.
I close my eyes. I can feel her when I do.
She smells like wildflowers, her hair falling in tangles around her face as she laughs against my mouth. The summer heat is making the air feel thick. Dust motes float like fireflies in the shafts of moonlight through the boards.
Blue Rock is empty. Dad and the hands are away at an auction. It’s just Sarah and me.
She trembles as we kiss because we’ve decided to go all the way.
“Cade,” she whispers as I cup her breasts.
She’s my first. I’m hers. I’m aching for her. Wanting her. But I’d rather cut my hand off than hurt her.
She breathes heavily, her voice barely a whisper, "Cade, I...I'm ready."
My voice is husky with desire. "Are you sure, Dove? We don't have to?—"
"I want to." Her eyes meet mine, pupils dilated with a mix of fear and excitement. She pouts…looking adorable. I kiss her mouth tenderly.
“But…I am scared,” she admits.
“Me, too.”
“Why?”
“Because…I want it to be good for you.”
She smiles. “It will be.”
“Yeah?”
“Because I’m with you. Everything is good when it’s you and me.”
Her breath hitches as I kiss the hollow of her throat, my hands touching her in all those special places.
I’ve made her come before, which I’m grateful for. I love the smell and feel of her when she orgasms, love how she clenches around my finger.
When we’re together, there’s no shame, no lies.
It’s so fucking pure that it makes me feel clean, not like how my friends talk about fucking. This is not that.This is making love…with my beautiful Sarah. This is us coming together for the first time.
I know in my heart she’ll be my last as she’s my first.
"You're shaking," she says softly, gasping when my fingers brush the hem of her blouse.
