“There should be,” the reeve said calmly, “but I’m not sure where. I’ll put a package together and send it over with the other things.”
“Thank you,” Theos said, and he started for the door.
Finnvid was half-turned to follow him when the reeve said, “Wait.”
So Theos eased back around, but not all the way. Enough so he was looking at Finnvid, not at his mother. And he waited.
“You’re a good Torian, Theos.” She stepped a little closer. “A good Sacrati. If I— No.WhenI am critical of you, it’s notyouI’m talking about. Does that make sense? I wanted more for my son. More choices, more freedom. I fought for it, and I lost, and it was—it was very difficult for me. So to see you excel in the narrow path they offered to you, to see you become the epitome of what they wanted you to be . . .” She stopped talking for a while, then shook her head. Finnvid saw nothing on Theos’s face to suggest that her words were making any impression on him, or that there was any point in continuing. Still, she went on, “I’m proud of you. You’re strong and brave.” She smiled at Finnvid, then added, “And smart. And apparently you can be merciful and compassionate and respectful. You’re a good man, Theos. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that I don’t see that.”
He nodded, then said, “Can you ask the messengers to send Xeno to the temple baths? We can talk to him there.”
“I will,” she agreed quietly.
Finnvid followed Theos out of the office and then out of the building, back into the cool night air. It was well below freezing, but after their time in the mountains, neither of them even bothered to refasten their cloaks for the short walk to the temple. “Mothers are difficult,” Finnvid said tentatively as they strode through the darkened streets.
Theos frowned at him. “Preventing civil warsis difficult,” he corrected. “Mothers are just . . . mothers.”
Well, then. That was taken care of. So Finnvid tried to shift his mind in a more productive direction. “Do you know what you’re going to say to the men? And what will you ask them todo? Assuming they believe our story and want to follow you . . . what’s next?”
“No idea,” Theos said almost cheerfully.
“Oh. Do you think you should figure something out?”
“Probably.” Then Theos stopped walking, and Finnvid felt strong fingers wrap around his, and suddenly he was being tugged, shoved, manhandled in Theos’s unique manner that somehow made Finnvid feel as if his body was at fault for not having been in the desired position to begin with.
Finnvid ended up with his back against the wall of the building they were passing, Theos’s thigh pushed between his as if it belonged there. And then Theos’s lips, hungry and demanding, were on Finnvid’s. Their kiss was deep and hard; Finnvid drove his head forward, making his own demands, and Theos met them without question. Their hands groped through layers of fabric and found the familiar points of entrance: Theos sliding his hand up the sleeve of Finnvid’s tunic to grasp his forearm, Finnvid reaching down the neck of Theos’s shirt to find the bare skin at the top of his back. And all of it was just a little more desperate than usual, as if they were both aware it might be their last time together.
Or maybe Theos was just getting rid of some frustration after the meeting. Finnvid didn’t really care what was motivating Theos right then; he was too busy responding to the onslaught. Theos rutted against him; Finnvid pushed back, maybe with less coordination but with just as much enthusiasm. It was primal and real, and Finnvid’s whole body sang with energy and need. And as they drove each other toward their climax, their clothes no real challenge in the face of their desire, they worked together, fought together, and won together, both of them arching and groaning and them slumping over the other, the wall at Finnvid’s back the only solid thing in their suddenly molten world.
Theos was the first to straighten, but he didn’t pull away. His kisses were gentle now, even tender, and when he leaned back, his smile was affectionate and teasing. “Where has my prudish little bedwarmer gone?” He asked, and gave Finnvid another kiss. “The boy who turned his head every time I took off my shirt?”
“I was trying to keep from getting hard,” Finnvid admitted sheepishly, and Theos rewarded his honestly with a kiss. “I worried that once I started staring, I wouldn’t be able to stop.”
“You never need to.”
“I might,” Finnvid said, and he shoved Theos back and turned to start walking, ignoring the damp fabric against his skin. Theos caught up to him in a few strides, and Finnvid said, “If things don’t go well . . . if you have this meeting and the mendon’tfollow you, the warlord will have you killed.” Finnvid glanced over to see Theos beginning to speak, but shook his head. “Don’t say you’re not afraid to die. This isn’t about you, it’s aboutme. I don’t want you to die! Even if I can get away, somehow, which I doubt will happen, it won’t matter. I’ll still be . . .” He shook his head, surprised but not embarrassed by the tears gathering in his eyes. “I might as well be dead,” he whispered.
Suddenly, he was shoved against another wall. This time, though, Theos held him in place with a forearm across his throat. And then leaned in. Finnvid couldn’t breathe. He tried to gasp, dug his fingers into Theos’s arm, then just stared, eyes wide, paralyzed with confusion and fear. It felt like forever, but really Finnvid had probably only missed a few breaths by the time Theos pulled his arm away and growled, “That’sdying, Finnvid. It’s not romantic, and it’snotpeaceful. I’ve seen men drown in their own blood, I’ve seen them trying to shove their own guts back inside themselves while they leak shit through the holes. If things don’t go well tomorrow, that might happen tome, but itwill nothappen to you! Do you understand? If I’m captured or killed, you’llrunto the warlord and thank him for rescuing you. You’ll kiss his feet and do what he says and you willlive, Finnvid. Do you understand me?”
“I’ll live long enough to cut his throat in his sleep,” Finnvid snarled with what little breath he had. “Or to break you out of his jail. But I won’t run away. No. I can’t do that.”
“Youcan.”
Finnvid pulled his head back and narrowed his eyes. “So why don’t you do the same? You don’t need to stay here. We’ve proved we can survive in the mountains in the winter. Come with me, and we’ll justgo, and find somewhere new to live. We can leave all of this behind.”
Theos frowned. “You know I can’t. This is— It’s my family. My children, my friends. I can’t walk away and leave them.”
“I did,” Finnvid said. “I left everyone who cared about me, everything I’d ever known.” He took a deep breath and found the courage to continue. “I did it foryou, Theos. I ran away from my world, and the space in my heart where it all used to be? I filled it withyou. And I’m not sorry. I made my choice, and I don’t regret it. But if you think I left all that behind, and then if something happens to you, I’ll just leaveyoubehind and go find something else? You’re wrong. And stupid. I love you, Theos. You don’t need to love me back; it doesn’t change how I feel.”
“Of course I love you,” Theos said. He sounded confused.
Finnvid was tempted to let it go, then. He could carry on with those words in his heart, and if he and Theos didn’t survive the next day he could die with them still ringing in his ears. But he couldn’t fool himself. “Like you love Andros. And the mothers of your children. And the Sacrati. And probably even your mother and sisters. Like that.”
Theos frowned. “I don’t know. Like Andros, yes. He’s—he’s my close friend. He means more to me than the other Sacrati. More than all the other people you said. So, like that. But . . . but different.”
“Different,” Finnvid said, and his courage deserted him. Or maybe his wisdom reasserted itself.Differentwas good enough. Being like Andros was good enough. Finnvid shouldn’t,couldn’t, expect more. So he took Theos’s hand and tugged him forward. “Baths at the temple. Let’s get clean.”
Theos didn’t budge. It was frustrating to see that he barely even had to brace himself in order to withstand Finnvid’s movement, but that was an aggravation for another time.
