“Oh, no, I don’t think that’s possible, because of course Uncle Calvin doesn’tknowabout this. How could he? Liam wouldn’t have told him, and I didn’t tell him, and of courseyouwouldn’t go blabbing all over town about my personalbusiness. So, no, sorry, I don’t think Uncle Calvin has any idea about any of this.”
“I was worried about you.”
“Oh my God, Seth, what did you think I was going to do? What are you, and possibly Uncle Calvin, worriedabout, exactly? ‘Ben had a strange run-in with Liam and now I’m worried that Ben might….’ What? What dire act do you think I’ll engage in if you don’t do whatever it is you’re doing?”
“Well….” Seth took a swig of his beer. “There was the Kevin incident.”
“Kevin wasn’t an incident, he was—I don’t know. And none of that was actually about Kevin anyway.”
“I know. It was about Liam.”
“No, that’s not right. I was having a little early midlife crisis, and it just happened to coincide with some strange things in a relationship. That was all.”
“He loved you and you broke up withhim. You broke up with himbecausehe loved you. Because you were scared, because of Liam. And your parents, probably, but that’s therapy for another day. Today we’re talking about your issues related toLiam.”
“I don’t think we are. I think we’re talking about—Dinah. How’s she doing? Has the morning sickness stopped yet? And is Tamara still excited about being a big sister?” Seth just frownedat him, so Ben added, “No, you’re right. There are lots of people who are concerned about Dinah, and even Tamara. But sometimes the father gets forgotten in all this. I’m sorry if I’ve let that happen. So, tell me, Seth, how areyou? It’s stressful, isn’t it? The expectations from society, from yourself, that you be the provider for the family, the protector. But you’re bringing a new life intoa totally uncertain world. How can you be sure you’ll be able to rise to the challenge? Provide and protect for this precious new creature? And for Dinah, while she’s preoccupied with being pregnant and looking after the new baby. That’s a big job for you, right? Wow.Stressful.”
Seth held out for a moment, then spoke in a rush. “Okay, obviously I know what you’re doing, but yes, itisfuckingstressful!”
“Sostressful.”
“Babies cost a damn fortune! Not the stuff so much—we’ve got lots from Tamara still, and everybody shares everything around. But all the extras! Day care and medical stuff and Dinah taking time off work, and she wants a long maternity leave, and ofcourseshe should be able to do that, she deserves it and our kids deserve it, but she wants me around all the time too,so we can all bond, and I want to bond but I also want to pay the damn bills, and it’s kind of hard to do both, and whichever one I do less of you know there are people just lining up to judge me for it, to bedisappointed in my choices. And then I get stressed about being too stressed, because this is supposed to be a joyful, happy time and I can’t even dothatright, and Dinah’s always tellingme to relax and enjoy but that’s easy for her to say, all she’s got to do is gestate, and I have to do everything else, and if she screws up—I mean, she’s not going to screw up gestating, the baby is totally healthy and she’s doing a great job—but if she did, everyone would feel sorry for her, but if I screw up, everyone’s ready to jump all the hell over me!”
“Well. That was actually a bit morethan I was hoping for. I was thinking in terms of a little distraction from your invasive questions. And instead—damn. Seriously, Seth, you need to atleastnot worry aboutme. I am just fine. For all the rest of it…. Yikes. Are you guys actually having trouble with money?”
“Not yet. But Dinah’s a teacher. She’s going to want the kids to have a good education. So that’s college to pay for, and—”
“Wait. You’re honestly getting this worked up aboutcollege? No. No, no, no. Tamara isn’t even two yet, and the next one is negative three months old! That is too soon to be worried about college. If you expect me to take this panic attack seriously, I’m going to need some more concrete, immediate issues.”
“What if something goes wrong with the baby? What if it needs special care or something?”
“Ifthat happens, we’ll deal with it. But you’re still not giving me anything concrete or immediate.”
“Well, I’m not sure I accept your criteria for things I should be allowed to panic about.”
“No, of course you can panic about anything you want. You just can’t expect me to take it seriously.”
“I’m panicking because there’s a new person on the way, a person I’m going to have to take care of,and I’m really not sure I’m ready for that. I’m—well, I’m still essentially a child myself. Aren’t I? I’m too young for all this responsibility.”
Ben leaned back in his chair and lifted his feet back up to the railing. “And how old are you, exactly? I know, we’re the same age, but—”
“Seventeen,” Seth said firmly. “I’m not sure about chronological age—I refuse to be limited by some arbitrarysystem of dates and measures. My mental age, though? Seventeen.”
“You are a horribly boring seventeen-year-old. When you were chronologically seventeen, if you’d looked at this current version of yourself, you’d have been very, very disappointed.”
“No Ferrari,” Seth agreed morosely.
“Minimal exposure to random hot chicks. I mean, Dinah’s lovely, but there’s only one of her.”
“Job’s not bad.I should be spending more time working on race cars, less time changing the oil on family SUVs, but… seventeen-year-old me wouldn’t hate my job.”
“Leisure time’s a bit lame,” Ben declared. “No clubbing, no wild adventures on ATVs or speedboats. Just hanging out with—well. With someone you hung out with when you were seventeen. Sothat’sgot to be all right, surely.”
“Nah. When I was—whenwewere—seventeen, we didn’t expect you to stick around. Seventeen-year-old me would be pissed that you hadn’t gone off on your travel adventures.”
“I travel!” Ben protested.
“Going to the Czech Republic for a couple weeksfour years agodoes not count as having travel adventures. And neither does driving down to Florida every other Christmas.”
