It was clear that Kevin was waiting for a reaction. Begging, maybe, or at least reassurances. But Ben didn’t have them to give, and Kevin didn’t deserve to be lied to. “I guess that’sa good idea. I mean—Liam is not a threat. Not an issue. But I can see how this would all be a little unsettling for you.”
“Not an issue,” Kevin echoed. “Well. That’s—” He stopped and shook his head. “Maybe we can talk later in the week.”
“Sure,” Ben agreed. And then Kevin left, and Ben was alone. Standing pathetically in the street as his current maybe boyfriend walked away from him while hisancient definitely boyfriend received kudos and applause at the booze-soaked baby shower of Ben’s best friend. That was his life. That was what he’d managed to achieve for himself.
Damn it. He needed—maybe regular meditation wasn’t going to be enough. Maybe he needed some sort of retreat, some intensive intervention.
Maybe he needed a damn lobotomy.
If there was a surgery to remove just theLiam-related memories, a sci-fi storyline so he could travel back in time and—and what?
What would he change, exactly?
His own behavior, he supposed. When he’d first suspected that Liam was cheating, had it already been too late? Could he have fixed things if he’d spoken up, if he’d been brave enough to have the fight instead of hoping it would all just go away?
Could everything have been different?
He took a deep breath and started walking. There was no surgery, no time travel. He had only one life, only one chance. He needed to be smart and not waste time on daydreams.
He needed a drink. That, at least, seemed like an achievable goal, even if he’d be meeting it alone.
