Chapter Fifteen
IT WASdreamlike, maybe because Ben really should have been in bed and actually dreaming. But he hadn’t been able to sleep, so he’d bundled up, gotten himself a glass of scotch, and gone out on the porch to watch the spring rain.
And to wait.
Yeah, it had really felt like he was waiting.
Like he’d somehow known Liam was on his way, and maybe even known Liam would pullback, would stop himself from coming all the way up on the porch and knocking on the door. Maybe Ben had known Liam wouldn’t make the final move without encouragement.
And of course Ben shouldn’t give that encouragement. He knew better. But he’d used up all his powers of resistance, and now? Now it was just fate. Inevitable.
He stood up slowly, still dreamily, and waited at the top of the porchsteps. Liam approached with caution, came halfway up the stairs, and said, “It’s okay that I’m here?”
Ben reached for him, brought his hand to Liam’s cheek, and curled his fingers just enough to draw Liam up the rest of the way onto the porch. He ghosted his thumb over the scratch from the raspberry bushes, just a ghostly line now, and the freckles across the tops of Liam’s cheeks that hadn’tbeen there at the start of the weekend. They shifted in under the roof, eyes locked on each other, and somehow it was okay that Liam was there. Where else would he be?
Their kiss felt just as natural, just as predestined, as all the rest of it. No urgency, just want that turned to need, rain dripping off Liam’s forehead onto Ben’s overheated skin, cold fingers finding warm ones and interlacing.
Liam pulled away. Not far, and clearly he had to make an effort to do it, but why the hell was he bothering? He licked his lips and said, “Scotch. How much have you had?”
“I’m not drunk.” Ben tugged at Liam’s hand. “Come inside.”
“Are you sure?”
Ben just tugged again, and this time Liam let himself be moved, guided, through the front door and down the short hallway to Ben’s bedroom.
Liam’sshirt was wet, and when Ben slid his hands under the hem and up over Liam’s abs, everything was chilly. He kept going, rucking the shirt up and over Liam’s head, exposing glorious skin as he went. Ben bent his head to nip, to kiss, to taste, and he felt the shudder run through Liam’s body.
“Is this okay?” Liam asked again.
No, it wasn’t. It was either wonderful or terrible or somehow both atonce, but it was definitely something extreme, something a lifetime away from “okay,” in one direction or another. If they stopped to talk about this, if Ben stopped tothinkabout this, it would all be too real, and being with Liam wasn’t something Ben could afford to want, in reality.
So instead of answering the question with words, Ben raised his lips to Liam’s and kissed him, long and deep,and Liam stopped asking unanswerable questions.
There were no more hesitations after that. Ben pulled his own shirt off, and they had skin on skin. Ben fumbled with the fly of Liam’s jeans, trying to somehow give his hands space to work without breaking the contact between their chests, their bellies. Heneededmore, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept the tiny bit oflessthat would allowthe more to happen.
Until Liam took charge. He shuffled them toward the bed, and when they got there he just kept pressing, easing Ben back so he was sitting on the mattress, freeing up his legs to wrap around Liam’s ass and pull him in closer. They surged together, hardness meeting hardness, and even through layers of clothing Ben could feel the heat. A rhythm, then, waves flowing from one bodyto another, like when they’d been kids, too shy to take their clothes off and too desperate to stay still.
Well, Ben wasn’t shy anymore, or at least this night he wasn’t. He put a hand on Liam’s chest—skin so warm and smooth, so soft over the hard muscles beneath—and pushed him away. Just a little. Kept him within the warm circle of Ben’s legs, but made room for getting his jeans undone. Liam,bless him, took care of the rest, shimmying out of the rain-damp denim and tugging his boxer briefs down at the same time.
He stumbled, almost fell, and laughed breathlessly. “Shit. Gotta get my shoes off.”
Ben should have laughed in return, should have said something kind, but he didn’t want this to be comfortable. He couldn’t let himself think it was something he was going to get used to.He waited silently as Liam dealt with his clothes, then moved fast, kicking one of his own bare feet up to brace against Liam’s chest and hold him away for a moment.
If this was going to be the only time—the last time—he saw Liam like this, he wanted to be sure he had time to appreciate the view.
Liam was still for a breath or two, then slid his hands up Ben’s legs, inside his sweatpants. Hegot a good grip on the fabric and tugged, and Ben lifted his ass and helped with his hands, and the pants were off and they were naked together. Perfectly, terrifyingly naked.
Liam fell forward, wedged a knee between Ben’s, braced his elbows on either side of Ben’s face, and they kissed. If the sensations had been intense before, when they were half-dressed, they were almost unbearable now. Everyinch of Ben’s body was electrified, magnetized, needing and wanting and straining. His breath came in gasps and moans that would have been mortifying if he hadn’t heard their echoes in Liam’s mouth.
It would be too easy to come just like this, but Ben wanted more. “Fuck me,” he gasped, and Liam moaned in return, then rolled them, shifted them, got them close enough to the bedside table that hecould reach it and fumble in the drawer without taking his lips away from Ben’s body.
Ben let himself float. Not away—he wanted to be absolutely present for every moment of this. But he didn’t need to be in control. For this one night, he could let go and just feel, just be. He couldtrust. The stretch, the pressure, the fullness, the friction. The perfection, with Liam hovering above him, skinflushed and eyes intense, whole body tensing and relaxing in time with his thrusts. And Ben’s own body responding without any thought or effort, rising to meet the pleasure, then letting him fall away before inevitably rising again.
Ben could feel his orgasm building and tried to push it away. He didn’t want to come; he just wanted to stay like this, with Liam like this, forever.
His body haddifferent ideas, though, and it seemed like Liam’s did too. They moved together, both of them caught up in the same primitive, desperate dance, and they came together, shuddering their mutual release.
A moment of frozen time, or maybelayeredtime, as if this was them as they were but also them as they’d been so many times before. Them as they always should—but Ben got control of himself beforethat traitorous thought was able to leave his subconscious.
