“We should go back to the fort,” Aiden suggested finally. “Todd was going to grab some drinks and some snacks and meet us there, and that was a while ago.”
“They’ll wonder where we’ve been,” Cade said guiltily.
Aiden grinned. “They’ll know damn well where we’ve been. Or at least what we’ve been doing.”
And that was okay with Aiden. He wasn’t ashamed of being with his boyfriend, and he’d introduced Cade to everyone without shyness or excuse. It was one more adjustment for Cade to make. A family that was okay with their gay relative. How many different colors would Cade’s father’s face turn if Cade showed up and introduced Aiden as his boyfriend?
But Cade had burned that bridge. He wasn’t going to be introducing Aiden to his family, not as anything other than that guy who’d been in the kitchen when their son had turned on them.
He felt himself growing more tense as Aiden took his hand and led him back along the path to the fort. What if that had been the last time he ever got to touch Aiden that way? And even worse, what if it was the last time Aiden ever thought he was beautiful?
They arrived at the fort and saw a flickering light through the small window by the front door. “They’re here,” Aiden said gleefully. “You’re going to love them. You already know Sarah, and she’s great, but Todd’s great too, and Taylor seems really nice, and—”
“The world’s a pretty great place for you, isn’t it?” Cade was instantly ashamed of the bitterness in his tone. Aiden didn’t deserve that.
They stood there in the clearing for a moment, and then Cade said, “Sorry.”
Aiden’s frown was clear, even in the dim light from the moon and the window. “Are you okay? Are you just tired and cranky, or there’s something more?”
“Don’t you get tired of having to ask questions like that?” Cade demanded, the words spilling from his mouth unbidden. “Having to figure out if I’mcranky, like a toddler? I mean, what if Iamcranky? Are you going to put me down for a nap? Cut off my sugar intake?”
“I’m going to go for a ‘yes’ on the cranky question,” Aiden said carefully. “And I wouldloveto put you down for a nap, as long as youwere okay with company. If you’re not….” He shook his head and looked almost exasperated. “I don’t know, Cade. You tell me you don’t react well to extended socializing. I believe you, and I see that you’re not happy. But I can’t comment on it? Is there… what do you want me to do at times like this? Shut up and pretend you’re happy? I can do that. It seems dishonest, but I can do it. Try to find somewhere quiet for you to go? Okay, I could try to do that too, but I’m not sure how togetyou there if I can’t mention the part where you seem… I guess cranky is the wrong word? Grumpy? Annoyed? Pissy? Out of sorts?”
Cade stared at him and tried to understand. “But why would you want to deal withanyof that shit? Why should you have to, when it would be so much easier for you to go find some other golden boy whose world is great and who loves parties and doesn’t get—whatever you want to call it—when there’s too many people?”
It was Aiden’s turn to stare in incomprehension, apparently. “Uh, because I loveyou?” He didn’t sound sarcastic, exactly, just confused. “Because…. Fuck, Cade,everyonehas weaknesses! There’s no such thing as a golden boy! Not one who’s golden all the way through.” He reached for both of Cade’s hands and grabbed them, as if he needed to have the connection. “If someone’s golden on the surface, and then you burrow through and don’t run into something else? It’s not because they’re solid gold, Cade! It’s because they’re hollow! Or shallow… I don’t know, pick your metaphor. But the point is, they’re not real people! No one is golden all the way through!”
“Not even you?”
“Jesus, Cade!” Aiden stared at him, and Cade tried to figure out what he’d said that was so wrong. Finally, Aiden sighed. “Not me,” he said firmly. “I don’t know if… no. Idoknow. The golden part of me? That’s the surface. For sure. I’m shiny and happy and easy to get along with. Whatever. That’s my surface. And then? Yeah. Hollow. No depth, no core, nothing real inside me. Just emptiness.” His grip on Cade’s hands tightened almost painfully. “Until you. And nowyou’reinside me. You’re my core. If anyone cares enough to burrow through the shiny outside? They’d findyou, Cade.” His voice was soft, now, his smile tentative but tender. “So, no. I don’t care if you’re grumpy. I mean, I’d rather you weren’t, because it can’t be much funfor youto be grumpy. But for me? You’re inside me. You’re part of me. You arewhat you are, and I love you for it.” He leaned back to get a better view of Cade’s face. “Okay?”
Was it okay? It was so much more than okay, so overwhelming that Cade was actually having trouble breathing. Or maybe his reaction was because he was realizing that Warren and his secrets wouldn’t just tear Cade’s life apart. Finding out about Cade’s past would hurt Aiden desperately. Right or wrong, Aiden loved Cade. Cade truly believed that now, maybe for the first time ever. Now that he was at risk of losing it, he believed that it was real.
Cade bent his head and braced the top of it against Aiden’s shoulder. He couldn’t look him in the eye but he needed to be touching him. As usual, Aiden seemed a little confused by Cade, but he wasn’t too worried about it. He twisted around awkwardly and kissed the back of Cade’s neck. “You’re doing great,” Aiden whispered.
Cade wished it were true.
Chapter Twenty-Four
They endedup sleeping in the fort. All of them—Cade and Aiden and the cousins—sprawling over foam mattresses that apparently were stored inthe corner for just such occasions. The easy intimacy made Cade understand Aiden’s fraternity membership a little better. Aiden was an only child but he’d clearly been raised as part of a larger group, and when he went away to school he’d found a new pack to be part of. Cade had been a lone wolf growing up and he still felt most comfortable that way, but he didn’t mind sleeping in the fort. He was wrapped in Aiden’s arms, with Aiden’s warm breath caressing his neck, so it didn’t really matter who else was around.
But when he woke up the next morning, the coziness had become cloying. So he squirmed out of Aiden’s embrace and found his shoes in the pile by the door, then snuck out of the cabin. He knew he didn’t want to go down to the main house, not with Mrs. St. JohnandWarren waiting for him. So he found his way to the lake. There were a couple little kids on the dock, wearing life jackets and casting fishing lines out over the mirror-smooth water. Cade waved to them and one of them waved back, but he kept moving. He wasn’t great with little kids, and these particular ones were probably already operating at a higher level of socialization than he was. No, he didn’t need the stress.
The lake was beautiful, the kind of scenery that made him wish he was an artist, or at least a photographer—still water reflecting the green trees and gray rocks, a bit of mist ghosting along the surface, and then a pair of black and white birds skimming by, serene but watchful. Even the kids on the dock were quiet, whether out of respect for nature or just because they were trying to stalk the fish more effectively.
All this tranquility, but it didn’t do much to soothe Cade. Because he’d brought the fear and chaos with him. It was part of him, and had been for years. He’d spent most of his life fighting it and pushing it back, and then he’d given in to it for about eight months. Eight months of Warren and other strangers pawing him, thinking they owned him, hurting him because they’d paid for the privilege. Cade had known he hadn’t left those months behind; he’d known they were with him forever.But he’d thought he’d be able to carry them around inside, not have them dug up to the surface.
“Cade?” An older male voice, and for a moment Cade froze, but then he turned and saw Mr. St. John’s gentle, smiling face. “You okay, son?”
Cade realized that he was crouched down with his back against a tree and had been staring at a spot on the ground. Who knew how long Mr. St. John had watched him for? “I’m fine,” he said, and he tried to look normal when he smiled. “Sorry.”
Mr. St. John smiled back, of course, and ambled closer. “You have a bit too much to drink last night? You kids are legal up here, you know. Drinking age is nineteen in Canada.”
“I’m legal in the States too. I turned twenty-one last month.”
“Oh. Congratulations.” Mr. St. John frowned. “I’m sorry we missed that. That’s a big birthday. I know Nicole is planning a party for Aiden in the fall. We should have done something for you.”
It was ridiculous, but this man honestly seemed worried about that. He was the CEO of a major company and seemed pretty secure in his job, so surely there was a harder side to him, somewhere. But all Cade had ever seen was this sweet, gentle man who would be upset about missing the birthday of some kid he barely knew. But Cade supposed everyone had sides of themselves that they didn’t show to everyone. “Aiden helped me celebrate,” he said. It was true, and it had made the birthday the best Cade had ever had.
