But that was a concern for another time. Right then, Cade needed to be gathering his strength for another social ordeal. He paused at the bottom of the wooden steps leading to the deck and looked up. Aiden was already almost at the top. He looked back and saw Cade, but then his mother was there, her arm looped with a heavyset man with brown hair. Cade stared at the man. He looked like….
Oh. God. Cade felt his stomach lurch. The man didn’tlook likehim, hewashim. He was smiling at Aiden and reaching out to gather him into a warm hug, and Cade had to stop himself from sprinting up the stairs and pulling Aiden away.
Aiden was safe, Cade told himself. Aiden was protected. And Aiden was strong. He’d never have let himself be put in the situations Cade had put himself into.
Then the man glanced down the stairs, and Cade stopped worrying about Aiden. There was a flash of surprise on the man’s beefy face, quickly disguised as he turned back to Aiden’s mother and laughed at whatever she was saying. But a moment later he turned back and the surprise was gone. It had been replaced by something much more familiar, and much more dangerous.
“Cade, come up here!” Mrs. St. John said. She was probably trying to sound lovingly exasperated, but her voice was too sharp for the ‘lovingly’ part to really work. “This is Warren Davis, a good friend of the family. He’s been Aiden’s honorary uncle since he was a little boy. Warren, this is Cade. He goes to school with Aiden.”
“He’s my boyfriend,” Aiden clarified, with a frown in his mother’s direction. “We’re living together.”
At any other time, the correction would have been gratifying. Aiden was standing up to his mother and wasn’t letting her diminish their relationship. But right then, in front of that man, Cade wished Aiden had kept his mouth shut. The less Warren knew, the better.
But he’d clearly already figured the situation out. “‘Cade,’ is it?” Warren asked, and he took a step forward and extended his hand. If Cade didn’t move, Warren would come down the stairs toward him and they’d be alone together in the darkness below the deck. Cade made himself charge forward.
“Yes,” he managed to say. And because there was nothing else to be done, he took the offered hand and felt Warren squeeze his fingers affectionately.
“And you and Aiden areliving together.” He pronounced the words as if they were a miracle, and Cade wanted to scream at him. Yes, itwasa miracle that he and Aiden were together. It was perfect and pure, and Cade couldn’t stand to see it dirtied by this man’s knowing smirk.
“Tell us whatyou’vebeen up to, Warren,” Aiden’s mother said quickly. The less time spent on Cade and Aiden’s living arrangements the better, as far as she was concerned, and for once Cade agreed with her. “How was China?”
Warren said something in response, and Cade stepped backward. He needed to get away. He needed somewhere quiet so he could pull himself together and… and what? What was there to do?
“Cade?” Aiden said, concern in his voice as he stepped forward. “You okay?”
And somehow Cade was able to make himself smile. “Yes,” he lied. “I’m a little tired, though. It’s been a big day.” He knew Warren was watching and could guess at the sadistic glee the bastard would find in Cade’s misery. Just like he always had.
“You want to go upstairs?” Aiden asked gently. “It’ll be a bit loud, but if you’re really tired, you’ll probably be able to sleep through it.”
“I made up the front bedroom for Cade,” Mrs. St. John told her son. “Warren’s in the guest suite, of course.”
“What?” Aiden stared at his mother. “Cade doesn’t need a guest room. He can sleep inmyroom. Jesus, Mom, we’reliving together. You want him in a guest bedroom?”
“Let’s talk about it later,” Mrs. St. John said with a tight smile. “I’m sorry, Warren—you were telling us about China?”
Aiden reached for Cade’s hand, and Cade unconsciously swiveled away from him. He couldn’t stand the thought of touching Aiden now, not in front of Warren. “I’m going to go splash some water on my face,” he said, and he turned and pushed his way through the crowd. He made it to the bathroom, shut and locked the door behind him, and sank down on the toilet seat.
He felt numb, almost frozen. But then the memories started coming to him, hot coals searing through the merciful ice covering his emotions.
The nameless man standing over him, smiling at him. He’d been almost tender, most of the time. Gentle touches, loving words, but then pain. Humiliation. Fear. The man had taken delight in twisting Cade. Cade’s body, his mind… whatever the bastard could reach. Cade had managed to bury the memories, but now they were back becausehewas back. He was Aiden’s Uncle Warren, and he washere.
Jesus Christ. Cade needed to get the hell out of there. That was all he could think about. He needed to escape. He’d run! He had his plane ticket, somewhere. He could hitchhike to the airport and try to change the date of the flight. If he couldn’t change it, he’d camp out down there for the week. He’d blow whatever savings he had on airport food, but at least he’d be away from Warren.
And away from Aiden. That would hurt. But he didn’t deserve to be around Aiden anyway. JustseeingWarren had made Cade dirty. It had brought the memories up to the surface and he didn’t deserve to see Aiden until they were buried again.
He did as he’d said he would and splashed some water on his face. He avoided looking in the mirror, like he always did. Warren had likedto use mirrors. He’d liked to show Cade his own face, strained and scared and desperate. He’d almost always dragged Cade to the bathroom of whatever cheap motel they were in, right at the end. He’d grab Cade’s hair and pull his head up so he was staring at himself, and then he’d fan out the bills he was using to buy Cade’s pain. He’d show enough money to make it clear that Cade would come back the next time he was summoned, and then he’d drop them in the sink, or on the floor.
Once, they’d gone in the toilet. Cade had wanted to reach out and flush them away. He’d wanted to stare at the bastard as he did it. He’d have bought his pride back with the money he sent into the sewers.
But he’dneededthe money. It had been how he’d paid for his first year at Purdue, after his parents had refused to sign the forms for federal aid. He couldn’t afford the luxury of pride and he’d known it. Warren had known it too, and he’d capitalized on the weakness.
So Cade had fished into the toilet and come out with a handful of twenties. There were people who cleaned toilets for a living, and he had a sink right there to wash his hands and the money. There was nothing wrong with pulling the money out. But it had been humiliating to do it while Warren was standing in the doorway staring at him as if Cade’s need was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
Dammit, he needed to get the past out of his head so he could focus on the present. The urge to run away was still there, and still strong. But he was pretty sure it would be the end of things if he did it. The end of Cade and Aiden. Not instantly, of course. Aiden would be confused, and hurt, but he wouldn’t give up on Cade that easily. But when Aiden got back to West Lafayette, he would want to knowwhyCade had run, and that was when things would go to hell. Because what answer could Cade give? He could lie and say he was overwhelmed by the crowds. Aiden thought Cade’s shyness was cute, now, but such an extreme reaction would make Cade look mentally ill, and Aiden wouldn’t leave him for that, but he’d want Cade to getfixed, and Cade would have to lie more and more and….
Or he could tell the truth. And that was impossible.
But Aiden had mentioned Uncle Warren’s wife and kids. Uncle Warren was a regular visitor here, in this bastion of wholesome family values. Mrs. St. John wanted her son and his live-in boyfriend in different bedrooms—how would she react to a houseguest with a tastefor abusing barely legal male whores? No, this was just as much of a secret for Warren as it was for Cade.
